I get so hurt and frustrated when I witness bullying even if it is a result of ignorance or insecurity. All of the bullying articles and things say that if someone is being bullied, you should strongly voice your opinion that it stop. Well, I have experience with bullying, so I realized that my friend who is younger than me was being bullied by a group of girls older than she with one being my age before she did. They would be horrible to her and say out loud that they didn't want to work with her in class groups, they didn't care about what she had to say, and they were constantly making jokes at her expense. I escaped from an elective sometimes to join that class, so that is how I began to know. She was clearly offended, and she told me so afterword, but when the girls asked her for the benefit of the teacher, she said that she wasn't for some reason. It got to the point where she really wanted me to be there with her, but I couldn't all the time because I had a class of my own to attend. She hadn't acquired the skills to stick up for herself, and contrary to popular belief, I feel that excessive bullying does not create an avenue for self confidence, so I knew I had to help because no one else was doing anything. I did what the articles said and started telling the girls calmly and firmly that I refused to tolerate their actions, but unlike the articles where everything gets better, the bullying intensified and started shifting to me as well. I talked to the teacher, but there doesn't seem to be a lot she can do to stop it without making it worse either. What am I doing wrong and how can I alter my strategy to increase its effectiveness.
Bullying
- Thread starter grapefruit
- Start date
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Honestly, it's best if she just ignores the other girls completely. no one can bully you if you don't give a damn what they are saying, think about it. I learned a long time ago to stop giving a damn what anyone thinks of me and live up to my own standards. It's tough at first, but once you get there it's a good place to be. Reminds me of a story about a monk;
A young man goes up to this monk and spews all kinds of insults at him to try and make him angry, he insults him, he insults his family, he goes on and on. The monk doesn't get mad, finally the young man says to him "aren't you going to get angry? aren't you going to defend your honor? defend your family's honor?" the monk turned to him and said; "Let me ask you a question" the young man looked confused but went along, the monk said, "If you give me a gift and I do not accept it, than who does that gift belong to?" The young man said "well, I guess it would still be mine." The monk nods and asks "so if you come here and give me your anger and hatred and I do not accept it, to whom does it belong?"
That being said I think the administration of your school is inept if they can't do anything about it.
A young man goes up to this monk and spews all kinds of insults at him to try and make him angry, he insults him, he insults his family, he goes on and on. The monk doesn't get mad, finally the young man says to him "aren't you going to get angry? aren't you going to defend your honor? defend your family's honor?" the monk turned to him and said; "Let me ask you a question" the young man looked confused but went along, the monk said, "If you give me a gift and I do not accept it, than who does that gift belong to?" The young man said "well, I guess it would still be mine." The monk nods and asks "so if you come here and give me your anger and hatred and I do not accept it, to whom does it belong?"
That being said I think the administration of your school is inept if they can't do anything about it.
Honestly, it's best if she just ignores the other girls completely. no one can bully you if you don't give a damn what they are saying, think about it. I learned a long time ago to stop giving a damn what anyone thinks of me and live up to my own standards. It's tough at first, but once you get there it's a good place to be. Reminds me of a story about a monk;
A young man goes up to this monk and spews all kinds of insults at him to try and make him angry, he insults him, he insults his family, he goes on and on. The monk doesn't get mad, finally the young man says to him "aren't you going to get angry? aren't you going to defend your honor? defend your family's honor?" the monk turned to him and said; "Let me ask you a question" the young man looked confused but went along, the monk said, "If you give me a gift and I do not accept it, than who does that gift belong to?" The young man said "well, I guess it would still be mine." The monk nods and asks "so if you come here and give me your anger and hatred and I do not accept it, to whom does it belong?"
That being said I think the administration of your school is inept if they can't do anything about it.
It's kind of hard for someone to just ignore it if a whole class of girls doesn't want to work with her on a group assignment. Besides, as a senior, I can't just let other older girls walk all over her. As for the administration, what can they do? Something like suspension would only exacerbate the problem, and having a bullying talk or something because of the problem would be another avenue to open up my friend to more ridicule. I believe the teacher to be right in thinking that more bullying would occur behind her back if she made a show of telling the girls to stop.
It's kind of hard for someone to just ignore it if a whole class of girls doesn't want to work with her on a group assignment. Besides, as a senior, I can't just let other older girls walk all over her. As for the administration, what can they do? Something like suspension would only exacerbate the problem, and having a bullying talk or something because of the problem would be another avenue to open up my friend to more ridicule. I believe the teacher to be right in thinking that more bullying would occur behind her back if she made a show of telling the girls to stop.
The administration could change her classes pretty easily I would imagine, I don't know the whole situation though. The best solution with bullying in schools is to call the parents of the kids being bullies, that will work about 65% of the time, the rest of the time you punish, detention, suspension whatever, eventually they'll get sick of being in trouble all the time. Can you give some examples of things that these girls have said or done to either your friend or you? How do you think the problem would be exasperated by administrative action?
The administration could change her classes pretty easily I would imagine, I don't know the whole situation though. The best solution with bullying in schools is to call the parents of the kids being bullies, that will work about 65% of the time, the rest of the time you punish, detention, suspension whatever, eventually they'll get sick of being in trouble all the time. Can you give some examples of things that these girls have said or done to either your friend or you? How do you think the problem would be exasperated by administrative action?
They can't switch the class because it is required and that is the only period it is offered. I am in a small school so that's why. An example is when they were discussing what they ate in preparation for a class activity, and my friend, it turns out, goes out to eat a lot. The girls berated her for what they perceived to be an undesirable habit, said things like that she was sure to get fat, and grilled her about how much money her parents had. Another time, the group was dividing into groups for a class assignment and one girl announced loudly, "I'll work with anyone but (insert name here.) The other girls, even the other senior followed suit so that she was left with no one to work with. The assignment was one of those that required at least two people, so I did it with her even though I'm technically not part of the class. If the girls were punished through suspension and detention, they would just become more covert in their endeavors. They speak and act horribly to her, and they would undoubtedly continue their bullying under the guise of unfair punishment because they would claim that they were just joking or expressing their opinions as many bullies do. I am kind of nervous about contacting the parents myself, but I will if I have to.