breaking off associations | INFJ Forum

breaking off associations

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by invisible, Jun 9, 2010.

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  1. invisible

    On Holiday

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    have you ever told someone you were close to to get out of your life permanently, and meant it, and stuck by it? if so, have you done it just once, or more times than once?
     
  2. dark_angel

    dark_angel Community Member

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    I have done this but not after doing a lot of soul searching. I tried different avenues of trying to resolve the problem, even speaking frankly to them about it but to no avail. It took years for me to reach the point where I said: for the sake of my sanity I need to break contact with this person on a permanent basis.

    I tried to imagine how it would feel without them in my life, how this would impact me i.e. could I live with this decision. I made my choice, explained to them why and broke contact.

    I cannot reiterate enough that this was done with a lot of soul searching, as this obviously will have an impact not only on yourself but on the other person or persons associated with them and you.

    You need to be aware of the repercussion of your decision, the ripple effects it might cause and be ok to live with them. It has been about 10 years now and I do not regret the decision.
     
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  3. Odyne

    Odyne ===========
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    I wanted to. But I didn't. He was always good at winning his way back in my good books, but one day I will.
     
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  4. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    in a doorslam kind of way.... silently. :| I guess it doesn't help much?
     
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  5. Gaze

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    Wish i could because it would really help me grow, but can't yet. Hope i'll be able to do this in the future if i need to.
     
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  6. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    No, my unwanted associations suffer death by neglect.
     
  7. Nucky

    Nucky Regular Poster

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    I have done this to a couple of people for similar reasons. Over time, they really began to dislike some of my other friends, and eventually started going on vendettas and nasty, aggressive smear campaigns against them in places where they couldn't defend themselves. When I tried to defend the victims, I became their next victim. I dropped them like a hot potato after that, and shut them out of my life forever. Should have done so long before I did in all of the instances though. I haven't looked back since.

    I'm learning not to get involved with people who play these nasty games in the first place, and am wary of red flags and warning signs.
     
    #7 Nucky, Jun 10, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2010
  8. OP
    invisible

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    i have done this a number of times. i have been a prey to leeches who seemed to involuntarily claim ownership of me as some sort of validating force in their lives. like dark angel i tried hard to resolve this particular problem of mine with these individuals, talking directly to the person about the issues and expectations that i had. i tried to let associations die through neglect but these sorts of people have been persistent and followed me relentlessly, either as though everything was fine or demanding that i treat them the way things used to be, long after the point at which i thought it must seem abundantly clear to anyone that things were not going to work. i found it impossible to deal with at that point and usually resolved the situation by deliberately smashing the relationship to bits. i haven't ultimately regretted the outcome in any case but i don't want to go through any of that again or put anyone through that again and i'm very careful of who i let into my life and to what extent.

    i have very old and dear friends but still sometimes in thinking about these things i have felt sad and lonely and questioned my ability to sustain relationships.
     
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