Boss shuts me out

[Alplily]

I am a 51 year old experienced and successful nonprofit fundraiser. We have a new, completely inexperienced, 32 year old, executive director. I have tried to be as supportive as possible in spite of the fact that she makes over 3x what I make. However, she has made decisions about my staff and my work without involving or consulting me, removed resources and capacity, etc. And, she has refused to meet with me or answer my emails for weeks. However, she has had time to question me about the mayonnaise I keep in the fridge, and point out ridiculously small, and inconsequential typos.

I presented a large proposal to our board yesterday, at her request, but without her prior feedback (in spite of multiple requests). I got ripped apart at that meeting by board members who had not even read the proposal. It was utterly inappropriate and humiliating.The boss just sat there, offering no support. It was egregious enough that other staffers were shaken and checked in on me at home later.

I live in a small community. I have worked, well and very hard for my organization, for 7 years. I have raised millions. If I quit, I will either need to take a lower paying job and face financial hardship, or I will need to leave the area and my father, who has early signs of cognitive dysfunction.

In my experience, boards will not back staff against a bad executive director until the director does something illegal, unethical, or runs the org into the ground financially.

I have done nothing to deserve this. But I can see no answers. Yes. It hurts.

I want to have words with her on Monday. But i can't even confront her if she will not meet with me.

Advice?

 

[Eventhorizon]

I am a 51 year old experienced and successful nonprofit fundraiser. We have a new, completely inexperienced, 32 year old, executive director. I have tried to be as supportive as possible in spite of the fact that she makes over 3x what I make. However, she has made decisions about my staff and my work without involving or consulting me, removed resources and capacity, etc. And, she has refused to meet with me or answer my emails for weeks. However, she has had time to question me about the mayonnaise I keep in the fridge, and point out ridiculously small, and inconsequential typos.

I presented a large proposal to our board yesterday, at her request, but without her prior feedback (in spite of multiple requests). I got ripped apart at that meeting by board members who had not even read the proposal. It was utterly inappropriate and humiliating.The boss just sat there, offering no support. It was egregious enough that other staffers were shaken and checked in on me at home later.

I live in a small community. I have worked, well and very hard for my organization, for 7 years. I have raised millions. If I quit, I will either need to take a lower paying job and face financial hardship, or I will need to leave the area and my father, who has early signs of cognitive dysfunction.

In my experience, boards will not back staff against a bad executive director until the director does something illegal, unethical, or runs the org into the ground financially.

I have done nothing to deserve this. But I can see no answers. Yes. It hurts.

I want to have words with her on Monday. But i can't even confront her if she will not meet with me.

Advice?

Don't ask to meet with her simply interrupt if to do nothing more than get an answer when she does have time for you. Tell her it should be that same day or the next, longer is not acceptable .
I'm sorry but I may have to tell you something you do not already know. What you describe goes beyond testing you though that clearly.is what's she's doing. My guess is she is deciding, perhaps because she was directed to, whether you will stay in your current position/at that job. She may have other reasons for it though. What's clear is that she has no respect for you, evident because she's not showing you any.
Do you know other people there higher up then she who know what you have done for the company. Unfortunately it may be time to talk to them.
Demand to talk to her either the same day or the next but no longer. Write down your main concerns and go over them so that you do not waste her time or yours. Make sure you go over every point and that you can relay them clearly. Do not mumble, stutter say things like "I guess." I don't know that you would because I don't know you but be clear and distinct with your questions and statements when you speak with her.

 

[the]

Do you report directly to the director?

 

[Alplily]

Don't ask to meet with her simply interrupt if to do nothing more than get an answer when she does have time for you. Tell her it should be that same day or the next, longer is not acceptable .
I'm sorry but I may have to tell you something you do not already know. What you describe goes beyond testing you though that clearly.is what's she's doing. My guess is she is deciding, perhaps because she was directed to, whether you will stay in your current position/at that job. She may have other reasons for it though. What's clear is that she has no respect for you, evident because she's not showing you any.
Do you know other people there higher up then she who know what you have done for the company. Unfortunately it may be time to talk to them.
Demand to talk to her either the same day or the next but no longer. Write down your main concerns and go over them so that you do not waste her time or yours. Make sure you go over every point and that you can relay them clearly. Do not mumble, stutter say things like "I guess." I don't know that you would because I don't know you but be clear and distinct with your questions and statements when you speak with her.

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I am going to try to connect with someone on the board, I think. I have documented everything.

 

[Alplily]

Do you report directly to the director?

Yes. I do.

 

[Sensiko]

I had something very similar happen to me. I was the sales and marketing director for an assisted living facility and the executive director decided to shut me out. This was her M/O and others in the company had warned me of this. The string of previous marketing directors had lasted for no more than 6 months. The ultimate crux of the job was that almost every time I would have a viable prospective resident, the head nurse and ED would turn them down because they would be too much “work" for them, no matter the *exorbitant* monthly rents they would be willing to pay... Thus came the vicious cycle of... why don’t we have a full house/here is potential resident/they are too much work/why don’t we have a full house. The straw on the camels back was when both the ED and head nurse called me into a meeting where they obviously collaborated to detail my job to me. To be clear about how awful the head nurse was at her job, she didn’t even know each resident by name after 6 months --and I let her know that! Anyhow, I was lucky enough to have a good relationship with the ED's boss and the support of my the sales upper management. They put us both on blast! Which was fine with me because I was doing my job damn well. I was instructed to document everything. This included how I structured my day, my calendar, and conversations with the ED. She was probably instructed to do the same. Upper management interviewed staff who were not happy with the verbally abusive ED. Every prospect I brought in was also reviewed by the higher ups and admitted. After about a month of this ED couldn’t handle the taste of her own medicine and the bitch quit. Nows the time to talk to her higher ups and continue to document everything.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Here's a story for you.
The job I have currently sucks. I did not plan to stay as long as I have but chalk it up to some amount of mental illness that I have.
In any case supervisor kept pilling more and more work on me. I attempted to get others on the team to do their work only to have them refuse or ignore me. I documented everything, gave them multiple chances. No luck. I found out later my supervisor was telling them one thing and I another. I eventually realised my problem lay with my supervisor. So with him in the office I took the issue to the store manager.
This story ends in that I did not know at the time the store manager was on his way out. Apparently leaving the company and this happened about a month later. So you can guess my supervisor in an attempt to save his butt worked his magic and made it seem like I was not a valued employee to the new one. Needless to say I got demoted when they did a restructure.
If I cared about the job I would have buried him. He's not a bad guy, probably likeable outside the office but incompetent and scared in.
Maybe there's something worth learning there. Make sure whoever you talk to actually has your back and will be there to follow through.
Best of luck.

 

[Skarekrow]

I attempted to get others on the team to do their work only to have them refuse or ignore me.
I documented everything, gave them multiple chances.

That’s because you weren’t their supervisor.
I would ignore you too.

 

[Eventhorizon]

That’s because you weren’t their supervisor.
I would ignore you too.

Please try not to hijack someone else's thread for your own selfish reasons. I failed to state I was supervising them at the time. Next time perhaps IM me with your latest attack so as not to disrupt a serious issue that someone else has. Thanks.

 

[the]

That was kind of petty though @Skarekrow

 

[Skarekrow]

That was kind of petty though @Skarekrow

There...post deleted....jeezus...and I’m called a sensitive snowflake...
Well even if he were their supervisor, which he doesn’t mention..then it is still his fault if those below him are not completing their work....that is the primary function as a supervisor.
Shit rolls downhill.
It sounds like EH had a serious communications issue with his own supervisor - I can’t image how that could happen?
@Alplily
Now is exactly the time to go to the next person in charge.
Make sure you sit at least someone on the board down and explain your situation and how you are feeling.
Don’t you have some kind of HR department that you can contact?
If not, you don’t have to be laid off from somewhere to collect unemployment - all you have to show is that you are working in a hostile working environment or that you are being prevented and purposefully sabotaged by management - you can quit, I suggest you call the labor board in your state to find out the requirements in your area.
Also if you find out she has said anything negative about you that is untrue to any of your co-workers - this can include talking about another persons performance and putting it down - can be construed as Defamation per se - which is basically slander or libel with malicious intent or loss of position or wages.
"The general harm caused by defamation is identified as being ridiculed, shamed, hated, scorned, belittled or held in contempt by others, and lowers him/her in esteem of a reasonably prudent person, due to the communication of the false statement. This tort can result in a lawsuit for damages. Many states have statutes requiring that the allegedly damaged party must first demand a printed retraction of the defamatory statement, before they may proceed to court. If the plaintiff proceeds with a lawsuit without first seeking the retraction or if he/she receives a retraction but proceeds anyway, most states will limit the damages they may pursue to the actual or special damages they experienced, such as loss of employment or wages.”
https://www.hg.org/defamation.html
It would then be quite a bit more easy to gain the ear of the board if you are willing and able to take legal action both against your supervisor and the entity as a whole.
Though I know that may seem a bit drastic, it happens more than one might think.
If she is impeding your ability to do your job, thus forcing you out by making you look unproductive - document what work you are actually doing hour by hour and document and back up every email (print out a paper copy) of you requesting to speak with her and her lack of response.
I would then check with the labor board or some lawyers will give a free consultation.
Fight back.

 

[the]

There...post deleted....jeezus...and I’m called a sensitive snowflake...

It's because you are a sensitive snowflake that I called you out for your petty behavior... and now for your passive aggressive behavior. Shame, shame Mr. moral compass of the forum.

 

[Skarekrow]

It's because you are a sensitive snowflake that I called you out for your petty behavior... and now for your passive aggressive behavior. Shame, shame Mr. moral compass of the forum.

Oh shame yourself.
I’m not ashamed of anything I said...just don’t wanna leave the evidence.
We all have our own morals - I don’t force mine on anyone - what he said was stupid.

 

[the]

Oh shame yourself.
I’m not ashamed of anything I said...just don’t wanna leave the evidence.
We all have our own morals - I don’t force mine on anyone - what he said was stupid.

 

[Skarekrow]

​

Supervisor, when the meaning sought is similar to foreman, foreperson, overseer, cell coach, manager, facilitator, monitor, or area coordinator, is the job title of a low level management position that is primarily based on authority over a worker or charge of a workplace.[1]

A supervisor is first and foremost an overseer whose main responsibility is to ensure that a group of subordinates get out the assigned amount of production, when they are supposed to do it and within acceptable levels of quality, costs and safety.

A supervisor is responsible for the productivity and actions of a small group of employees.

What does that have to do with morality?
He failed to do his job then blames everyone else besides himself.

 

[Alplily]

Ummm. Thanks for the on-topic responses, but for f's sake, can we quit with the bickering? My job, and my livelihood are at stake... no exaggeration. Thanks.

As of this moment, I have written a strictly confidential email, with attached, very lengthy documentation (including copies of emails, etc., that have gone unanswered), to a trusted board member (the only one I DO trust). I will get some feedback from a colleague or two before I hit send on this email. I am not going to give up on this without a professional fight. What has happened is not fair, and it puts our organization at risk. I have been there 7 years, the director has been there 6 months. I intend to ask said board member for advice and support. I have also said that if the organization and my boss want me gone, then I expect a full, and fair compensation package that reflects the excellent work I have done, as well as the negligence of the board in the matter. We shall see.

 

[Alplily]

Like most INFJ's, I have a strong sense of right and wrong, and communicate better in writing. But, hell hath no fury like a wronged and pissed off INFJ!

 

[Skarekrow]

Ummm. Thanks for the on-topic responses, but for f's sake, can we quit with the bickering? My job, and my livelihood are at stake... no exaggeration. Thanks.

As of this moment, I have written a strictly confidential email, with attached, very lengthy documentation (including copies of emails, etc., that have gone unanswered), to a trusted board member (the only one I DO trust). I will get some feedback from a colleague or two before I hit send on this email. I am not going to give up on this without a professional fight. What has happened is not fair, and it puts our organization at risk. I have been there 7 years, the director has been there 6 months. I intend to ask said board member for advice and support. I have also said that if the organization and my boss want me gone, then I expect a full, and fair compensation package that reflects the excellent work I have done, as well as the negligence of the board in the matter. We shall see.

Sorry for that.
My apologies to all parties involved or not.

I would go for it if I were you, just be prepared for her to fight back as well.
She may not go so quietly either, and lies by ones supervisor are hard to prove.
Though I think your approach is sound.
I would most definitely be on the phone to the labor board first thing in the morning either way.
They can at least advise you on specifics you may need to document, etc. in order to have a justified case.
Best of luck.

 

[Alplily]

Sorry for that.
My apologies to all parties involved or not.

I would go for it if I were you, just be prepared for her to fight back as well.
She may not go so quietly either, and lies by ones supervisor are hard to prove.
Though I think your approach is sound.
I would most definitely be on the phone to the labor board first thing in the morning either way.
They can at least advise you on specifics you may need to document, etc. in order to have a justified case.
Best of luck.

Contacting the labor board is good advice. However, I am in an at-will state, which means I can be fired for no reason and without explanation. Employee protections are not great. I will do research. I do better when well-armed with relevant facts.

 

[Skarekrow]

Contacting the labor board is good advice. However, I am in an at-will state, which means I can be fired for no reason and without explanation. Employee protections are not great. I will do research. I do better when well-armed with relevant facts.

Still, if it’s a hostile working environment - which would include your supervisor ignoring your email request - you most likely could quit and still collect unemployment - not to mention possible legal ramifications such as defamation per se.
Most employers are now “at-will” and make you sign such contracts at the beginning of your employment with them - this still does not excuse illegal or unethical behavior.