being assertive without slipping into agrression

[Blind Bandit]

So I don't know about others. But even when I'm assertive, few seem to listen to me. I admit due to my parents, the bulling I experienced, and in general my life experiences. This has been reinforced. If people won't listen to me I often slide into a light hostile tone. This also stems from not being able to take criticism well. I know I can use Ti to fight this and be logical but it seems my Fe makes it very tempting to just rip someone a new one.

I know this won't work. And really if I'm assertive and clear ( I know I could always be a little more of each) and people don't listen then their is not much I can do to make them listen to me. And I shouldn't get angry because its a waste of energy and time.

So what do you do if the people around you (family, roommates, freinds) don't listen to you. How do you deal with it. If being assertive fails. What would you do.

 

[AUM]

Well for me being assertive is being able to stand up for what you believe in. That's my definition. Anyways, some reasons that some people will not listen to you is because you lack confidence on how you are expressing your beliefs, but most likely it is because people tend to think that they are always right and are always finding flaws on what others have to say. If you say something that they may not agree on you will find yourself sometimes accomodating to their points of view which will contradict your assertiveness.

My point is that if you want others to listen to you, you must be willing to accomodate to others opinions, once you have them thinking they are the best then tell them what you really believe in. Another technique is being confident with your convictions and state clearly what you are trying to say.

 

[hyper84]

I think it depends on the situation and who you are talking to. Is this a boss/employee giving orders type situation or a friends arguing ideas and views situation? Every situation calls for a different approach. There are times to fight (verbally, hopefully) and times to back out. I don't know what your situation or history is, but you may want to see a counselor or psychiatrist. I've been there and it worked wonders. He/she didn't work miracles, but it's nice to vent to a stranger and I would recommend anyone to go a couple of times to check it out.