Bad at socializing

[Inside]

Hey all

First of all, sorry if this has been asked before, but I tried to search it and didn't find anything.

So, in a social environment, do you ever overthink if you should say something, and then you say it anyways and people just don't acknowledge what you just said, so the whole situation just it feels awkward? Especially if its supposed to be funny?

 

[JJJA]

I'm only awkward because my Extra-Terrestrial superiors programmed me that way.

 

[Inside]

I'm only awkward because my Extra-Terrestrial superiors programmed me that way.

Nice perspective xD That reminds me that I've been trying to reprogram my brain to be okay with the fact that I'm awkward and it's okay to be so. Still haven't managed it though.

 

[Scientia]

I think that's life. Everyone has moments like this.

 

[seashell eyes]

I'm a huge overthinker. I feel ya.

If I DON'T filter myself, I often find myself putting my foot in my mouth. But at the end of the day, that's better than being quiet and alone in the world. And the more practice you get, the better you will be at socializing.

As for people not responding to what you said, it could be a matter of timing (perhaps you spent too long overthinking what to say?) and the volume of your voice. It's probably not what you actually said. In fact, it's almost always the WAY you say something (with your tone/body language/etc.) that affects peoples' reactions, far more than the words themselves.

 

[Inside]

I'm a huge overthinker. I feel ya.

If I DON'T filter myself, I often find myself putting my foot in my mouth. But at the end of the day, that's better than being quiet and alone in the world. And the more practice you get, the better you will be at socializing..

Yeah, I guess you're right, practice is good. Even though if I don't filter myself they'll think there's something wrong with my head xD But I guess I need to overcome what people think of me and just be my weird self!

As for people not responding to what you said, it could be a matter of timing (perhaps you spent too long overthinking what to say?) and the volume of your voice. It's probably not what you actually said. In fact, it's almost always the WAY you say something (with your tone/body language/etc.) that affects peoples' reactions, far more than the words themselves.

Hum, in those last ocurrences I remember, I don't think neither of that was the case...This one time was when I was with my bf and his friends, and I didn't say anything wrong, but there was this awkward silence, so maybe it was because they don't see me as a friend and I don't really belong amongst the "guys" you know?

But oh well, maybe only an outsider could evaluate if thats what's wrong. Or maybe I have a different perspective on things and I'm overreacting xD

 

[seashell eyes]

Yeah, I guess you're right, practice is good. Even though if I don't filter myself they'll think there's something wrong with my head xD But I guess I need to overcome what people think of me and just be my weird self!



Hum, in those last ocurrences I remember, I don't think neither of that was the case...This one time was when I was with my bf and his friends, and I didn't say anything wrong, but there was this awkward silence, so maybe it was because they don't see me as a friend and I don't really belong amongst the "guys" you know?

But oh well, maybe only an outsider could evaluate if thats what's wrong. Or maybe I have a different perspective on things and I'm overreacting xD

That's also a possibility. You're the girlfriend, and they probably don't know you as well as your bf... yet!

Definitely don't overthink it. Awkward silences happen to literally everyone. And it's definitely better to be your weird self, at the very least so that you can make friends with the other weird people. haha

 

[Inside]

That's also a possibility. You're the girlfriend, and they probably don't know you as well as your bf... yet!

Definitely don't overthink it. Awkward silences happen to literally everyone. And it's definitely better to be your weird self, at the very least so that you can make friends with the other weird people. haha

Ahah I thought about that! Yeah, and that might be the way to find out who the weird people are (because people tend to hide behind the socially-well-behaved-mask) and make friends with them =D

Anyways, thanks for the insight!

 

[PintoBean]

I can relate. I can do quite well socially in small doses, but sometimes my shadow "E" self takes over for too long and it becomes a real sh*t show. The best advice I can give as someone who has realized their limitations and strengths socially, is to just be yourself and don't be ashamed about it. Sounds cheesy but this works so much better than shades of insecurity. People sense self-consciousness the way wolves smell blood. Better to be yourself, warts and all. If you feel like you have to try too hard, then just don't. Relax. If a joke falls on its face, don't over-think it, move on. Not all jokes are funny. Most aren't in fact.

 

[Inside]

I can relate. I can do quite well socially in small doses, but sometimes my shadw "E" self takes over for too long and it becomes a real sh*t show. The best advice I can give as someone who has realized their limitations and strengths socially is to just be yourself and don't be ashamed about it. Sounds cheesy but this works so much better than shades of insecurity. If you feel like you have to try too hard, then just don't. Relax. If a joke falls on its face, don't over think it, move on. Not all jokes are funny. Most aren't in fact.

Yeah I totally get you..Thanks ;D

 

[Yva]

Hey all

First of all, sorry if this has been asked before, but I tried to search it and didn't find anything.

So, in a social environment, do you ever overthink if you should say something, and then you say it anyways and people just don't acknowledge what you just said, so the whole situation just it feels awkward? Especially if its supposed to be funny?

I'm forced to socialized two times a week so yeah. When i'm being unaccknowlegde I just become socally awkward for a while and retreat to my little corner until i'm no longer fustrated with myself. Isolation helps me to engerized as well as build confidence. When interacting with a large group of people that frequently and knowing the perfectionist that I am when something like that happen I need ALOT of alone time.

 

[La Sagna]

I am much better than I used to be and manage quite well in certain environments. However, I realized recently that I'm still really awkward sometimes. Because I'm single now I'm trying to go to events and meet people and I usually end up feeling totally out of place and awkward. When I'm surrounded by a lot of really extroverted people I just shut down and don't know what to say. One on one I do quite well, it's the large groups that make me feel uncomfortable.

 

[drummergirlbk]

I'm terrible at socializing. I usually don't like being around large groups of people (for me that is any number that exceeds 3 or 4 people at a time). However, my family is very extraverted, especially my extended famiy. I get stressed out by it quite easily and oftentimes end up listening to the voices inside my head because they are having a conversation that is much more interesting that what is happening in my external environment.

However, when I actually do speak up, everyone around me treats me like I'm invisible and that I didn't even say anything at all. What's worse is that since my family is so extraverted, they associate being polite with being talkative and therefore I get criticized for being "rude" and "unfriendly" when in reality I'm simply not interested in talking about so and so for the 20th time. It's extremely frustrating and being quite honest it makes me want to avoid social situations as often as I can.

 

[Inside]

I am much better than I used to be and manage quite well in certain environments. However, I realized recently that I'm still really awkward sometimes. Because I'm single now I'm trying to go to events and meet people and I usually end up feeling totally out of place and awkward.

By what I've seen in this post, I guess we INFJs were born to be awkward and we just got to accept and be happy for our... "uniqueness" xP Or maybe I don't know, do you all think that awkwardness is a characteristic of INFJs, or that just a few are this way?

I can sooo relate to that! It looks contradictory but when one on one I can even be waaay too talkative that I can become tiring for the other person xD

 

[slant]

Yes, and I called it social anxiety. It got to the point where if I said something and it didn't get the proper response I would mull about it hours, days, sometimes months after the fact, like somehow thinking about it and worrying about how stupid I looked/felt would change it? And half the time, no one noticed, and even if they did it was for five minutes and then they deleted it from their mind. I suppose what I learned is the truth is, most people worry about themselves more than what you say. The sort of people who don't left guffaws go either think that you are enjoying being teased for a mistake (some people enjoy 'affectionately mean' humor) or, they are insecure about themselves and are trying to compensate. Whereas in the past I used to fret about what I did wrong and try to figure out what was 'wrong' with me, I suppose I've become a bit jaded because I'm at the point that I just don't care if other people think there is something 'wrong' with me. I've met enough people who understand my humor, I no longer try to pander to everyone to make jokes at their level. I'm nice and polite and if someone reacts wrong to what I said, I clarify and move on and forget it ever happened, y'know?

Life becomes miserable when you focus on social inadequacies you perceive you have (I say perceive because typically, I've found, I was wrong and it was actually other people with the problem). Also I found I am much happier now that I've accepted that I'm the kind of person who can come home from work and watch 3 hours of netflix and have a conversation on the phone with my mom and not crave any more social interaction. I've come to accept myself, and no longer need the sort of social approval that I needed in the past because

A. it's exhausting for me, I feel like I'm in hell after 2 days of social interaction with even people I love

and

B. I figured out my own values to live by and apply them to myself. Being funny or a good cuddler for example are not on the top of my "What it means to be a valuable contributing member of society" list or even my "self-fulfillment skills" list. But I suppose, if being funny is really a priority for you, observe other people and attempt to learn their style of humor and then imitate it. Humor changes person to person. Watch comedy sessions, read jokes, practice 'story jokes', 'one liners', 'mean jokes', 'self deprecating humor' and figure out your forte. Perhaps go to an open mike, try to make people laugh. Practice practice practice. A warning though...comedians are some of the most depressed suicidal people in society. Being heckled and having to perform for a living really does a number on your sanity it seems...