wingedfriend
Regular Poster
- MBTI
- .
Hello everyone, this is probably gonna be a long post but to start off I am a new member here. I've been following this forum for a while after learning about the MBTI personality types.
So the thing is, I sometimes get either INFP and INFJ when taking the test and mostly it's because of the "being organized" stuff.
What I realized was, ever since I got depressed, everything was a mess in my life. Even the way I take care of my personal stuffs including email, my computer (files, folders, tweaks, etc.) I used to be so strict and almost like having an OCD, I didn't like seeing a single notification badge on my emails and my files have to be sorted in the right folders. But I often procrastinate about homeworks. Not always tho, hehe.
So what was the reason for my depression? I moved to Japan two years ago. I came here not knowing anything about the language. (Okay I lied, I know a little hiaragana and katakana but not kanji and no I could not fully understand anything around me anyway) I got lonely at school because I couldn't even communicate with everyone. I was very shy, everytime someone tries to come to me and make friends I'd just feel worried and anxious because I knew language was gonna be a big problem. So basically my whole 2 years in a Japanese school was a living hell because I had no social life and the biggest issue was NOT understanding the lessons. I wanted to learn but I convinced myself that as long as it's not in a language that I am comfortable with, I'll never fully understand what the lessons were trying to teach me. I had a hard time adapting to the language. I got used to my surroundings and the culture here, but I still had the thought that I NEEDED to go to an international school to be able to have a legit learning environment. I barely survived middle school, had a lot and I mean A CRAP TON of absents. Most of the time I'd be absent 2 or 3 times a week, and I'd feel really accomplished if I finish 4 days or complete the week without absents. But there were times when I was absent for the WHOLE WEEK.
So yeah, I graduated and that graduation day was the happiest day of my life (at least at that time) and I was finally able to go to an international school with English classes and native English speaking teachers. Let's say I was really stubborn about the language but hey, can't help it. I didn't really like the idea of learning Japanese at this age because I have to prepare for higher education and it's gonna be impossible to be fluent in Japanese and continue on developing my "education" in school. I already learned some simple Japanese and can sometimes understand simple conversations but I still can't fully trust it so I try my best to avoid being in a situation where I'll be needing to use Japanese (but it's obviously inevitable so I still try to prepare myself anyway just in case.) But still, it seems like some scars from my previous life still exist up until now, for some explainable reason I feel depressed because I'm still feeling lonely and somewhat empty. Not to mention these common teenage crush stuff and liking someone knowing that they'll never love you back... Well, I had no one to open up to in person. All of my friends I talk to online, even my close classmates live an hour away from my home. It's summer vacation so I don't get to see most of them. I don't have much friends anyway, I'm a reserved and quite person, obviously because I'm an introvert. But it doesn't mean I fancy the feeling of loneliness.
So I would say, the cause of my depression was feeling lonely and isolated physically and mentally. Because of depression, I feel like my brain also somewhat slowed down, or let's say I feel like I've become stupid. I used to be able to understand and pick up new knowledge when I was back in my home country. The things that I used to enjoy didn't interest me anymore. I used to be a gamer girl and a computer nerd. I was active at different forums/communities. But I got tired of always figuring things out in my computer (tweaks and stuffs) I found it too tiring and too much work so I eventually just trapped myself in SNS world of smartphones.
So yeah, I know about the different functions of INFP and INFJ. I've read that INFP's dominant is Fi then next is Ne while INFJ's dominant is Ni and next is Fe. Does me feeling depressed not having anyone to talk to apply to the Fe? or does it have something to do with INFP's dominant Fi?
And idk if this will really help but there's this thing about seeing someone (an old person in particular) who's somewhat disabled or have some sort of mental disease being alone in a bench or in a bus that hurts me deep inside without really knowing why. It's like I just feel instant empathy without any warnings. But when I see someone who looks somewhat mad it just ruins my day.. But when I'm depressed, none of these people's emotion affect me at all, I just feel grumpy and not even care about anyone all the time. Thus, making me feel like I'm INTJ sometimes. But I'm pretty sure I'm not INTJ, because my emotions seem to be controlling my judging trait most of the time and not logical thinking. I can also feel or tell (probably guessing. just my instinct) if someone is being sincere or genuine in what they show to other people. For example, if someone gets teary, I can tell if they really are feeling somewhat sad, or they're just trying to get attention or maybe it's just their contact lenses...lol
Again, sorry for this being long, I just wanted to be as clear as possible because I really want to know which personality type I am. Thank you.
So the thing is, I sometimes get either INFP and INFJ when taking the test and mostly it's because of the "being organized" stuff.
What I realized was, ever since I got depressed, everything was a mess in my life. Even the way I take care of my personal stuffs including email, my computer (files, folders, tweaks, etc.) I used to be so strict and almost like having an OCD, I didn't like seeing a single notification badge on my emails and my files have to be sorted in the right folders. But I often procrastinate about homeworks. Not always tho, hehe.
So what was the reason for my depression? I moved to Japan two years ago. I came here not knowing anything about the language. (Okay I lied, I know a little hiaragana and katakana but not kanji and no I could not fully understand anything around me anyway) I got lonely at school because I couldn't even communicate with everyone. I was very shy, everytime someone tries to come to me and make friends I'd just feel worried and anxious because I knew language was gonna be a big problem. So basically my whole 2 years in a Japanese school was a living hell because I had no social life and the biggest issue was NOT understanding the lessons. I wanted to learn but I convinced myself that as long as it's not in a language that I am comfortable with, I'll never fully understand what the lessons were trying to teach me. I had a hard time adapting to the language. I got used to my surroundings and the culture here, but I still had the thought that I NEEDED to go to an international school to be able to have a legit learning environment. I barely survived middle school, had a lot and I mean A CRAP TON of absents. Most of the time I'd be absent 2 or 3 times a week, and I'd feel really accomplished if I finish 4 days or complete the week without absents. But there were times when I was absent for the WHOLE WEEK.
So yeah, I graduated and that graduation day was the happiest day of my life (at least at that time) and I was finally able to go to an international school with English classes and native English speaking teachers. Let's say I was really stubborn about the language but hey, can't help it. I didn't really like the idea of learning Japanese at this age because I have to prepare for higher education and it's gonna be impossible to be fluent in Japanese and continue on developing my "education" in school. I already learned some simple Japanese and can sometimes understand simple conversations but I still can't fully trust it so I try my best to avoid being in a situation where I'll be needing to use Japanese (but it's obviously inevitable so I still try to prepare myself anyway just in case.) But still, it seems like some scars from my previous life still exist up until now, for some explainable reason I feel depressed because I'm still feeling lonely and somewhat empty. Not to mention these common teenage crush stuff and liking someone knowing that they'll never love you back... Well, I had no one to open up to in person. All of my friends I talk to online, even my close classmates live an hour away from my home. It's summer vacation so I don't get to see most of them. I don't have much friends anyway, I'm a reserved and quite person, obviously because I'm an introvert. But it doesn't mean I fancy the feeling of loneliness.
So I would say, the cause of my depression was feeling lonely and isolated physically and mentally. Because of depression, I feel like my brain also somewhat slowed down, or let's say I feel like I've become stupid. I used to be able to understand and pick up new knowledge when I was back in my home country. The things that I used to enjoy didn't interest me anymore. I used to be a gamer girl and a computer nerd. I was active at different forums/communities. But I got tired of always figuring things out in my computer (tweaks and stuffs) I found it too tiring and too much work so I eventually just trapped myself in SNS world of smartphones.
So yeah, I know about the different functions of INFP and INFJ. I've read that INFP's dominant is Fi then next is Ne while INFJ's dominant is Ni and next is Fe. Does me feeling depressed not having anyone to talk to apply to the Fe? or does it have something to do with INFP's dominant Fi?
And idk if this will really help but there's this thing about seeing someone (an old person in particular) who's somewhat disabled or have some sort of mental disease being alone in a bench or in a bus that hurts me deep inside without really knowing why. It's like I just feel instant empathy without any warnings. But when I see someone who looks somewhat mad it just ruins my day.. But when I'm depressed, none of these people's emotion affect me at all, I just feel grumpy and not even care about anyone all the time. Thus, making me feel like I'm INTJ sometimes. But I'm pretty sure I'm not INTJ, because my emotions seem to be controlling my judging trait most of the time and not logical thinking. I can also feel or tell (probably guessing. just my instinct) if someone is being sincere or genuine in what they show to other people. For example, if someone gets teary, I can tell if they really are feeling somewhat sad, or they're just trying to get attention or maybe it's just their contact lenses...lol
Again, sorry for this being long, I just wanted to be as clear as possible because I really want to know which personality type I am. Thank you.
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