Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.
There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.
It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.
It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.
It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Over the past couple of weeks, I (22m combat medic) have been told that I come off as intellectually intimidating/daunting with my insatiable thirst for knowledge.
There are times when I’m drawn to deeper ideas or ethical debates that fascinate me (i.e. the debate of free will vs. predestination, solipsism, paradoxes, quantum physics, the butterfly effect, etc.) and it's like people don’t even want to engage with the ideas at all.
It feels like I’m willfully fighting on an active battlefield that others avoid even stepping onto for fear of bleeding, but I’m out there tasting my own blood with a smile because it’s where I feel most alive, desperately hoping my fire will ignite someone else's kindling, a brother of iron to sharpen myself against, but instead being met with apathy for any sort of growth.
It feels like I’m treading water in the deep end asking if anyone wants to swim and everyone quietly backs away.
It's been incredibly isolating, and I’m starting to internalize it.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Young man (I can say that as I'm twice your age) you are a multipotentialite, polymath, or Renaissance Man. They all mean the same thing, although the latter has more mystique. Don't change, suppress, nor hide that gift. It's a rare attribute within the collective, but common among those who have revolutionized society throughout the ages.
Recognizing that attribute of yourself at your age is golden. Most don't realize it until their 30's, 40's and beyond.
The vast majority of people are interested in two or three topics, usually in a relatively narrow field. You think on a wider plane that transcends the boundaries. For example, someone deep into quantum physics may know more than you on that singular topic and peripheral topics such as the butterfly effect, but disinterested in how the butterfly effect applies to societal organization, peoples belief systems re: predestination vs. free will. Likewise, someone who's interested in belief systems largely aren't interested in quantum physics.
Your mind is zooming in on a topic and zooming out to a wide angle aerial view where you see the connections to many other topics. And it does that on autopilot, not being distinctly aware that it's happening. If only there was a off button!
In the olden days, a psychologist- the same one who diagnosed me with INFJ disorder (there is no cure) called it a "web of thoughts". The next time you see a spider web, look close and watch how the spider moves from point to point with ease and realize she is also sensing the movement of the web in the breeze, which is the web's main purpose - catching flies blowing downwind. Dinner time.
On the social front, either seek out like-minded people or people who like to absorb a firehose of information (INFJs perhaps?), and/or chill with the quantum physics majors one weekend and social science majors the next. Although that third option can be an exhausting juggle.
Look up the Mandella effect if you haven't already. Then invite a psychology professor and quantum physics professor for lunch. Down the rabbit hole of collective human memory function!
