Why are people attracted to sad partners? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Why are people attracted to sad partners?

Ginny said:
I'm not, at least not superficially. Rude, ok, but I like people who have an outwardly careless and funny demeanour, even if they are not on the inside. Wow, I just noticed I must be really broken to like someone like that, because they had to be suppressing their emotions and therefore unlikely to be able to deal with them easily. I guess that would fall into the same category as the Rescue Syndrome, right?
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Doesn't everyone have rescue syndrome then, or is broken in a way or another?

I don't know where the fact that men or people like other sad people come from. I can't imagine a happy, content with their lives person choosing a sad little mouse, for the specific reason that they're sad. If you like a person and you're attracted to them, them being sad is seen as another flaw that can be corrected. Having someone love you, instantly makes sad people unsad, does it not? lol.
Choosing someone just because they're sad, means that you're attracted to that quality, and possibly want them to remain melancholic, which is...not my kind of thing, but I understand some people like the tortured soul drama queen type.
 
Sadness makes me sad, and because I don't want to be sad I try to make the sad person not be sad. By half this is very selfishly motivated because I don't want to feel sad, least of all other people's sadness. I can live with mellow or melancholy, there's some hapiness to it, but not sadness. I guess this is Fe, just not sure if that is healthy Fe or not.
 
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I'm not particularly into sad people. they are typically sad once we start dating though :(
 
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the said:
I'm not particularly into sad people. they are typically sad once we start dating though :(
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why?

if you don't mind me asking.
 
the said:
Because sad gals aren't my type. Complainers and whiners are particularly repulsive to me.
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sorry, I meant why are they sad once you start dating? Do they complain and whine?

BTW, when someone complains a lot about the same thing over and over I get so annoyed that I'd love to just let it all out and scream at them, particularly when complain about nothing.
 
can relate
its harder to relate to someone genuinely happy. that just pisses me off, lol. too much envy
 
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Probably because they see themselves, be it a former or present version.

The potential therein. The feel of accomplishment when you do help someone in a real way. Potential projection, etc.

Lots of reasons which may vary.
 
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Sad people are slowed down a bit, they might be more likely to notice the other persons struggles and be able to relate - although there are people who act in the opposite way when they're struggling and might brush off someone elses struggles. Also, I think there's some people who either consciously or subconsciously see the struggling people as a project and want to help/ 'fix' them and it could be for multiple reasons, like wanting to feel needed. Obviously there is such thing as selflessly helping someone we care about, but if it's selfless I wouldn't have thought people would be necessarily particularly drawn to a sad partner.
 
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Gaze said:
Can anyone relate to this? Although the article focuses on women, this is open to everyone.

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People are attracted to other people despite their sadness, not because of it.
 
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Broken wing syndrome. You feel as if you can make them happy in some way you have made your own existence more substantial for having effected theirs.
Personally I dont subscribe and have never felt more attracted because the woman is prone to that type of outlook.
 
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TinyBubbles said:
can relate
its harder to relate to someone genuinely happy. that just pisses me off, lol. too much envy
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agree. not that I want someone to be unhappy or sad but knowing someone has a few struggles makes them more relatable, lessens the feeling that you have to be perfect
 
What happened to people thinking you are perfect just as you are, with all your imperfections?
 
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Ginny said:
What happened to people thinking you are perfect just as you are, with all your imperfections?
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Nice idea but many today see having a personal issue as a sign of weakness or instability.
 
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