Tinder Creeps/Normal Guys

[MrWonka]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry...like-in-real-life_us_5731e363e4b096e9f0928b2a

Why is it that so man young men struggle to understand what exactly it is women want and how they want to be talked to? Could it be they are getting mixed messages? Could there be a discrepancy between what women say they want, and what men actually see working?

I can understand why it sucks to be a woman some times. If you're not naturally attractive it feels like there's very little you can do to improve upon that, but at least women essentially know what they have to do to make themselves attractive to men. With men it seems like the problem isn't so much with their ability to be attractive it's about having absofuckinglutely no idea what the hell women even want.

 

[sassafras]

I think that this whole article walks around the fact that most people consider tinder more of a hook up app than a dating app. Not that it excuses pervy behaviour, but the expectations are different than say, a site like eHarmony or Match.

That being said, I think a contributing factor to this behaviour is that most men get their ideas about sex, and women who want casual sex, from porn. And buddy comedies. And hip-hop. And the majority of guy-centred media, come to think of it. I could be over-generalizing, of course, but off the top of my head, I can't recall any mainstream or socially acceptable sources of guy-entertainment that showcase realistic or healthy relations between men and women (let alone between men and women having a casual encounter). It doesn't really surprise me, therefore, to learn that most of the guys behind the pervy messages really don't know how to approach women when they lack any point of reference.

 

[SpecialEdition]

If you're serious about compatibility and finding romance and a serious relationship rather than fucking then sign up for a paid dating site and not a hookup app.

I would find it bizarre if members of any sex went on there or even POF and expected to not get messages from people just wanting a casual sexual encounter.

The language men and women speak sometimes doesn't align. As much as men don't know what women want, it's each party's responsibility to articulate themselves instead of leading others on a wild goose chase.

I also think that adapting yourself to fit specific parameters to attract a mate is a really garbage way of going about it and likely isn't going to result in a healthy long term relationship anyway.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

I'm having issues with a few things. Firstly I find it such a cliche thing for
some guy to point at other guys to say they're not treating the ladies in their
idealized way which in reality is probably as equally oppressive. I find the
narrative of this article to be cliche. I find it hard to accept her reporting
despite whether it is factual, not because I disbelieve her, but because of her
need to draw attention to herself. That is to say I think her intentions are
tainted by the need to call guys out. Don't get me wrong, whether these guys
deserve to be called out is not what I'm defending. I get the impression from
many people online that they want to seem like they know something about the
opposite sex. I believe this is what she's doing in an indirect way.

She could have just filtered out which guys she chose to date. I'm not saying it's
that simple, but I will say that she is using this reporting to mask her own failing.
I wont go as far to say that this is objectively wrong, but I will personally roll
my eyes at it. Maybe Tinder isn't for you.

Some girls have it easier than others, and some guys have it easier than others.
Not everyone is complaining. Figure it out.

Again, I'm not defending these dudes. Obviously there are going to be guys like
this. Conversely there will be unappealing women as well.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

wow. I didn't even watch that video. So yeah, her intentions were to make a TV show

 

[bolognamacaroni]

"So, you don't use online dating for love?"
"No."
"You use it for pussy?"
"Yeah."

I think that just about sums up Tinder and this video/article.

 

[the]

Tinder "creeps" . Ok whatever, who do you think is on there?

 

[Peppermint]

Tinder "creeps" . Ok whatever, who do you think is on there?

Upstanding productive citizens of society looking to get married.

 

[dang]

Tinder "creeps" . Ok whatever, who do you think is on there?

I know this is anecdotal, but my step brother met his fiancée on tinder. I don't know how, but he did. The two of them were looking for a serious relationship, and now they are living together. But I clearly think they are the exception to the rule. Most people seem to use tinder to hook up and that's it.

 

[Hoodie]

If you're serious about compatibility and finding romance and a serious relationship rather than fucking then sign up for a paid dating site and not a hookup app.

I would find it bizarre if members of any sex went on there or even POF and expected to not get messages from people just wanting a casual sexual encounter.

The thing is though, you get the same crap on dating sites. You mentioned "paid dating site" and I've never been on a "paid" one, but I've for sure been on serious dating sites and you do get the same old crap- which is obviously going to happen. There are more gentlemen than on, say, a random chat site, but there are still plenty of creeps that really just want to sext. Not to say that every guy that wants to sext is a creep.

Also, I've never been on tinder but I have gone on private chat sites (because it's freak'n fun getting to know random people and figuring out how they work), and yeah, 80% of the users are 23 year old males that want to sext. However, if you skip all those guys you can generally find some really awesome people.

On guys in general though, and not knowing what women want- I've been thinking a lot about this lately actually, and I think it's pretty obvious. Women want respect. That doesn't mean that we don't like sex or whatever, but we want guys to actually value us and not just our bodies, you know? Not saying that that's the only thing that guys pay attention to or you know, but especially on sites like that-- you know, they can ask. What would be the harm in asking are you into sexting or hooking up? What harm would that do? We want respect. Other things as well, but respect primarily, or we'll leave you out in the cold.

Just my two cents.

 

[Pyrrhula]

I am on Tinder :/ Actually, a guy started talking to me tonight and HE had a go at ME because I told him I didn't want sex or anything casual :suspicious: He said that was a red flag!!

 

[sassafras]

I am on Tinder :/ Actually, a guy started talking to me tonight and HE had a go at ME because I told him I didn't want sex or anything casual :suspicious: He said that was a red flag!!

I maybe kinda sorta get it since its tinder, but at the same time lol what?

 

[SpecialEdition]

The thing is though, you get the same crap on dating sites. You mentioned "paid dating site" and I've never been on a "paid" one, but I've for sure been on serious dating sites and you do get the same old crap- which is obviously going to happen. There are more gentlemen than on, say, a random chat site, but there are still plenty of creeps that really just want to sext. Not to say that every guy that wants to sext is a creep.

Also, I've never been on tinder but I have gone on private chat sites (because it's freak'n fun getting to know random people and figuring out how they work), and yeah, 80% of the users are 23 year old males that want to sext. However, if you skip all those guys you can generally find some really awesome people.

On guys in general though, and not knowing what women want- I've been thinking a lot about this lately actually, and I think it's pretty obvious. Women want respect. That doesn't mean that we don't like sex or whatever, but we want guys to actually value us and not just our bodies, you know? Not saying that that's the only thing that guys pay attention to or you know, but especially on sites like that-- you know, they can ask. What would be the harm in asking are you into sexting or hooking up? What harm would that do? We want respect. Other things as well, but respect primarily, or we'll leave you out in the cold.

Just my two cents.

I have found that some women have been more sexually aggressive towards me than men. Sometimes some women are pretty up front with what they want lol.

I haven't really experienced feeling disrespected by men. I feel like to be disrespected there has to be some preexisting relationship otherwise I don't really care how they feel about me or what they want. I wouldn't even recognize they were trying to be disrespectful because I just don't spend my time on people I'm not interested in romantically or otherwise.

I am surprised that there's this concept that men don't know what women want. Maybe I am just a very direct woman and if I want something or am interested I just say it. Not sure why other people don't operate that way.

 

[sassafras]

I am surprised that there's this concept that men don't know what women want. Maybe I am just a very direct woman and if I want something or am interested I just say it. Not sure why other people don't operate that way.

I think they mean that men don't know what women want in the context of the approach. You haven't gotten approached yet, haven't said a word, made eye-contact, nothing and then there's this dude's like: you know what that smoking hot red head over there wants? getting painted green and spanked like a naughty avocado. Yeah. I'm gonna go over there and tell her that. Maybe attach a photo of my dick too. This is a good plan.

 

[Hoodie]

Exactly, [MENTION=1360]atree[/MENTION] XP

And [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION], I generally feel that I think the idea of men not knowing what women want is silly too, but this thread was written by a guy so it seems, and I've also been asked by men "what do women want?" before.

 

[Pyrrhula]

I maybe kinda sorta get it since its tinder, but at the same time lol what?

But, this all happened in the first few messages. He asked me straight away what I was looking for, and I thought great! - if we're not after the same thing then we'll not waste any time. He said he's sick of women who are expecting a relationship after the first date..... I suspect he's exaggerating and he just hasn't wanted to commit.

 

[sassafras]

But, this all happened in the first few messages. He asked me straight away what I was looking for, and I thought great! - if we're not after the same thing then we'll not waste any time. He said he's sick of women who are expecting a relationship after the first date..... I suspect he's exaggerating and he just hasn't wanted to commit.

Well, I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and say that is a legitimate concern.

There are a lot of women out there (and some guys too!) that get overly attached after a couple of dates. I think its perfectly okay for someone to want to stay casual and see where things go without this pressure of 'ok, so where are we heading? now that we've had dinner and a movie and made out twice, are you gonna commit to me?' While, some people are okay with that and are comfortable with moving at that speed, there are also some people who aren't. Maybe this guy had a couple of experiences that planted him in the latter category.

The other thing to consider is that some guys have cottoned on to the fact that there are women out there who will withhold sex until they get what they want. From the perspective of someone who doesn't see sex as a big deal, maybe they see someone who says they're not into casual sex as a 'red flag' for this kind of a manipulation. You and I might not see it that way, but maybe his experiences have shaped a different picture. Who knows? Everyone's got a context that makes sense to them. I'm just glad you two figured out where you guys stood way beforehand.

In general, Tinder is a strange, strange beast. It seems that its uses and culture morphs based on geography. In some cities, it's a hybrid dating-hook-up app. Where I'm from, it's almost exclusively use for some casual sex.

Circling back to the OP, as open minded as I am to people having the kind of dating experience they want, I will say that I still can't wrap my head around the idea that a lot of guys out there think a pic of their dongerdoodle is a great way to start a conversation. The only place I can see that consistently working out for people is in a pornographic alternate reality.

 

[SpecialEdition]

I think they mean that men don't know what women want in the context of the approach. You haven't gotten approached yet, haven't said a word, made eye-contact, nothing and then there's this dude's like: you know what that smoking hot red head over there wants? getting painted green and spanked like a naughty avocado. Yeah. I'm gonna go over there and tell her that. Maybe attach a photo of my dick too. This is a good plan.

I think the problem is there may be an assumption that ALL women want the same approach under the same circumstances but only by their dream guy who may or may not meet all of your qualifications but is definitely not you lol. There is just no way to know whether an approach will be met warmly or not.

 

[the]

Upstanding productive citizens of society looking to get married.

I know I am on Tinder, so I don't have high hopes.

 

[the]

I have found that some women have been more sexually aggressive towards me than men. Sometimes some women are pretty up front with what they want lol.

I haven't really experienced feeling disrespected by men. I feel like to be disrespected there has to be some preexisting relationship otherwise I don't really care how they feel about me or what they want. I wouldn't even recognize they were trying to be disrespectful because I just don't spend my time on people I'm not interested in romantically or otherwise.

I am surprised that there's this concept that men don't know what women want. Maybe I am just a very direct woman and if I want something or am interested I just say it. Not sure why other people don't operate that way.

I feel like there is a the thing where women are supposed to be hard to get. I think some of them are very good at this game - so good that they do not communicate what it might take to get them. Then they feel disrespected when the wrong actions are taken.

That and some guys have also cottoned on to the fact that there are women out there who will withhold sex until they get what they want. From the perspective of someone who doesn't see sex as a big deal, maybe they see someone who says they're not into casual sex as a 'red flag' for this kind of a manipulation.

Seems about right.