I wonder if we can discuss how Ni-dom Fe is different from other Fe combinations?
I may not be Ni-dom and may not even use Fe (I'm taken by this idea of Te-Fi appearing like Fe). But I'm trying to fit my personal experience into the model (though cramming things in like that doesn't feel right!)
Ok, so when I read the INFJ personality description for the first time, the thing that grabbed me immediately was being able to read people instantly (their intentions), see a vague picture of the future (not really see it, but know I suppose) and learn to be wary or just stay out of the way so that you don't get taken down. This was something I'd never spoken to people about before, assuming it was just one of my quirks, but I was always the one from 14 y/o onwards that met people and thought "hm, no", without having the first clue why. Just being presenting with them and immediately having a strong opinion of them. Sometimes I told others, sometimes I didn't. Either way, I stayed at arm's length, as in didn't get too close and waited for it to happen (them to screw up and reveal themselves) then they would be chucked out of the group and i'd feel comfortable again. Sometimes I stop hanging around with everybody in the group for a bit because I feel so uncomfortable with one person's presence making me feel like I need to be on my toes, even if I haven't got external evidence so I can't tell other people about it yet (there's no point saying "it's a hunch"). Anyway, this part of what I assumed was an Fe thing is an integral thing about my personality, which is why I was so surprised to see it written in an INFJ description and why I first got interested in MBTI.
However! This whole social appropriateness thing? Actually, I don't feel like I have massive social intelligence. I'm shy at the best of times, but my social intelligence is a lot more about being astute about the people around me. Mapping them, knowing who they are, what they could do, what's going on dynamics wise between others and with me, knowng what they fear. All that stuff. But that doesn't make me socially intelligent, because actually, a lot of the silly social rules that don't mean anything, I kind of don't notice them. I don't have a problem with them, it's not like I've gone "that's silly, I'm not doing that", because I don't tend to give a shit about that kind of thing. It's just social rules that I haven't found interesting I suppose, surface rules. But now that I'm an adult and am aware I don't necessarily know "the rules" (I guess I'm talking about some parts of etiquette here) I get pretty obsessed by trying to get them right. For instance, I work in a large open plan office. Partly because I'm shy, partly because I don't hear too well and find it difficult to have conversations with people if there's any noise, I don't really know anyone in the office apart from the people sitting directly around me. When someone is leaving, an email goes around to everyone in the office saying where we should put money for a present. This panics me. I'm sitting there thinking "Am I supposed to give them something? I don't know which one this is. I don't recognise the name, I have no idea what they would look like, I definitely have never spoken to them, so am I supposed to give money?" I get really anxious thinking everybody around me must think I'm a prick because I've been there 1.5 years and I've never given money -well, once, when it was someone I knew that was leaving. These are the kind of social rules I don't totally get. I can get someone's identity and know basically who everyone I'm around is (thus what I should and shouldn't tell them, how I should act around them etc - there a multiple versions of me and everyone knows a different one) - but when it comes to rules where I'm thinking either way could be right, logically, but everyone else just knows what they're doing it and I'm stuck! People have told me I have no social intelligence before. I don't know the "rites" if you like. I don't notice them, I'm not interested, so I don't learn. I wear scruffy clothes because I can't bring myself to endure the boredom of finding out what looks nice or what's fashionable. I don't shave my body hair often because I forget. I don't see any of this stuff as "my identity" - it's not like I particularly like my clothes or my body hair, I'll wear whatever and shave if someone reminds me, it's just that I don't think about these things and have failed trying to train myself to. This kind of thing....In the end, people say I have no social intelligence but I'm very insightful and a very good judge of character and very astute and "wise" when it comes to social things. So people come to me to "vet" other people - to tell them whether I think they should stay clear of someone or if someone has done something not very nice they ask me why, because I'm good at that. But I'm not very good at copying and learning etiquette and rites.
Does this make sense? Ni-dom Fe or Te+Fi? And also, what would Ni-dom Fe look like anyway?
I may not be Ni-dom and may not even use Fe (I'm taken by this idea of Te-Fi appearing like Fe). But I'm trying to fit my personal experience into the model (though cramming things in like that doesn't feel right!)
Ok, so when I read the INFJ personality description for the first time, the thing that grabbed me immediately was being able to read people instantly (their intentions), see a vague picture of the future (not really see it, but know I suppose) and learn to be wary or just stay out of the way so that you don't get taken down. This was something I'd never spoken to people about before, assuming it was just one of my quirks, but I was always the one from 14 y/o onwards that met people and thought "hm, no", without having the first clue why. Just being presenting with them and immediately having a strong opinion of them. Sometimes I told others, sometimes I didn't. Either way, I stayed at arm's length, as in didn't get too close and waited for it to happen (them to screw up and reveal themselves) then they would be chucked out of the group and i'd feel comfortable again. Sometimes I stop hanging around with everybody in the group for a bit because I feel so uncomfortable with one person's presence making me feel like I need to be on my toes, even if I haven't got external evidence so I can't tell other people about it yet (there's no point saying "it's a hunch"). Anyway, this part of what I assumed was an Fe thing is an integral thing about my personality, which is why I was so surprised to see it written in an INFJ description and why I first got interested in MBTI.
However! This whole social appropriateness thing? Actually, I don't feel like I have massive social intelligence. I'm shy at the best of times, but my social intelligence is a lot more about being astute about the people around me. Mapping them, knowing who they are, what they could do, what's going on dynamics wise between others and with me, knowng what they fear. All that stuff. But that doesn't make me socially intelligent, because actually, a lot of the silly social rules that don't mean anything, I kind of don't notice them. I don't have a problem with them, it's not like I've gone "that's silly, I'm not doing that", because I don't tend to give a shit about that kind of thing. It's just social rules that I haven't found interesting I suppose, surface rules. But now that I'm an adult and am aware I don't necessarily know "the rules" (I guess I'm talking about some parts of etiquette here) I get pretty obsessed by trying to get them right. For instance, I work in a large open plan office. Partly because I'm shy, partly because I don't hear too well and find it difficult to have conversations with people if there's any noise, I don't really know anyone in the office apart from the people sitting directly around me. When someone is leaving, an email goes around to everyone in the office saying where we should put money for a present. This panics me. I'm sitting there thinking "Am I supposed to give them something? I don't know which one this is. I don't recognise the name, I have no idea what they would look like, I definitely have never spoken to them, so am I supposed to give money?" I get really anxious thinking everybody around me must think I'm a prick because I've been there 1.5 years and I've never given money -well, once, when it was someone I knew that was leaving. These are the kind of social rules I don't totally get. I can get someone's identity and know basically who everyone I'm around is (thus what I should and shouldn't tell them, how I should act around them etc - there a multiple versions of me and everyone knows a different one) - but when it comes to rules where I'm thinking either way could be right, logically, but everyone else just knows what they're doing it and I'm stuck! People have told me I have no social intelligence before. I don't know the "rites" if you like. I don't notice them, I'm not interested, so I don't learn. I wear scruffy clothes because I can't bring myself to endure the boredom of finding out what looks nice or what's fashionable. I don't shave my body hair often because I forget. I don't see any of this stuff as "my identity" - it's not like I particularly like my clothes or my body hair, I'll wear whatever and shave if someone reminds me, it's just that I don't think about these things and have failed trying to train myself to. This kind of thing....In the end, people say I have no social intelligence but I'm very insightful and a very good judge of character and very astute and "wise" when it comes to social things. So people come to me to "vet" other people - to tell them whether I think they should stay clear of someone or if someone has done something not very nice they ask me why, because I'm good at that. But I'm not very good at copying and learning etiquette and rites.
Does this make sense? Ni-dom Fe or Te+Fi? And also, what would Ni-dom Fe look like anyway?