Fruiteloop
Newbie
- MBTI
- INFP
The difficulty I have when it comes to understanding who I am is really to do with whether I was conditioned to be the way I am or programmed from birth. I know its a bit of both but really when it comes to my interacting with people I do not have the sense of being a strong male character and that somehow this could be seen by others a way to cope with my inferiority. That I do not do male things in male ways or that I do not just get over my fears an man up.
You see I had this roommate for 3 years that recently died by I have such a hard time feeling anything about it because men do not process their emotions the same way a women supposedly and even if I am a weak man I still act this way, hold it all inside. But unlike most people the real issue is that I have no problems with LGBT type people yet simply cannot force myself to think of myself in that way. I am straight and my roommate was trans female. They never had any romantic or any other attraction to me or me them but we stayed together 3 years because I was helping them move out my moms home. She needed someone to babysit my adult brother because my mom has intellectual disabilities and he was a pain in the ass to her. But then my sister moved in they had problems coexisting. The least I could do was try and help my mom. Both my brother and them were being kicked out and I did not want any friction to happen because my sister had kids.
So then I noticed things about how they were and asked them questions when they were staying with me. They said they did not feel threatened by me. They were big too, 6 inches taller than me but they said they felt safe which was not the case other places they'd been. I had come to the conclusion that they were ISTP mostly because they worked on cars and not art. They could be ISFP but that harder to tell for me because my sister is ESFP and clear differences arose I could tell in Ti and Fi mixing with Se
Since they died I have had mixed feelings about them. They themselves wanted to be female and that was no problem for me but they had other mental conditions and they fought with people. One time they had an acquaintance run into my home after being stabbed and we called the ambulance for the person. So I felt anxious allot around them. The could fix many things but I always thought why not fix it the right way with new parts not broken parts found in dumpsters. They were constantly in survival mode and had trouble organizing and I was not really liking to ask them to do things my way because they were the independent type of person. Otherwise we had not problems and I stayed to myself but I did most of the things they needed me to do on their projects requiring precision. They used their phone allot to find instructions I simple could do without help. Video games were part of there hobbies, they like PlayStation and could see single pixel movements in shooter games.
Right now I have to take care of the two big dogs they left behind.
For some strange reason they told me to keep one of the dogs before they pasted away.
This picture is kind of what we were like type wise.
We we attracted to different people not each other.
They had a boyfriend that never showed up.
I was trying to get them to that place they would be happy but sometimes things do not work out as planned.
You see I had this roommate for 3 years that recently died by I have such a hard time feeling anything about it because men do not process their emotions the same way a women supposedly and even if I am a weak man I still act this way, hold it all inside. But unlike most people the real issue is that I have no problems with LGBT type people yet simply cannot force myself to think of myself in that way. I am straight and my roommate was trans female. They never had any romantic or any other attraction to me or me them but we stayed together 3 years because I was helping them move out my moms home. She needed someone to babysit my adult brother because my mom has intellectual disabilities and he was a pain in the ass to her. But then my sister moved in they had problems coexisting. The least I could do was try and help my mom. Both my brother and them were being kicked out and I did not want any friction to happen because my sister had kids.
So then I noticed things about how they were and asked them questions when they were staying with me. They said they did not feel threatened by me. They were big too, 6 inches taller than me but they said they felt safe which was not the case other places they'd been. I had come to the conclusion that they were ISTP mostly because they worked on cars and not art. They could be ISFP but that harder to tell for me because my sister is ESFP and clear differences arose I could tell in Ti and Fi mixing with Se
Since they died I have had mixed feelings about them. They themselves wanted to be female and that was no problem for me but they had other mental conditions and they fought with people. One time they had an acquaintance run into my home after being stabbed and we called the ambulance for the person. So I felt anxious allot around them. The could fix many things but I always thought why not fix it the right way with new parts not broken parts found in dumpsters. They were constantly in survival mode and had trouble organizing and I was not really liking to ask them to do things my way because they were the independent type of person. Otherwise we had not problems and I stayed to myself but I did most of the things they needed me to do on their projects requiring precision. They used their phone allot to find instructions I simple could do without help. Video games were part of there hobbies, they like PlayStation and could see single pixel movements in shooter games.
Right now I have to take care of the two big dogs they left behind.
For some strange reason they told me to keep one of the dogs before they pasted away.
This picture is kind of what we were like type wise.
We we attracted to different people not each other.
They had a boyfriend that never showed up.
I was trying to get them to that place they would be happy but sometimes things do not work out as planned.
