[INFJ] Joined the military to surround myself with new people. Still a schizo who cant communicate. HELP!

[Bad at Sports]

Its been a year now since I joined the Navy. I left home because I realized I was 22 and still had no friends. I had a small group of close friends back in high school (the extroverts who adopt the introvert kind of relationship, but still a strong friendship), but I made absolutely 0 friends in the 2 years of community I took. The military seemed like a good option and I've been enjoying the opportunity to meet so many new people; problem is I haven't felt anything beyond a passing acquaintanceship. I feel no genuine connection with anyone. I can talk to people in groups, but when its one-on-one, sitting with someone in the galley for instance, I freeze up and cant even make eye contact. I even had this same problem back home. It's why I never invited my friends over to my house. I'm so terrified to have to keep someone's attention.

 

[David54]

welcome. may you find the wisdom you seek

 

[Faye]

I mean.... honestly it sounds like you could use professional help developing social skills and managing the anxiety surrounding that. There isn't an easy answer for this stuff; it just comes with practice.

 

[BritNi]

I'm sorry that your introversion influenced you to join the military.

Have you tried making friends online? I think that it's common for introverts to take that route. We can't settle when it comes to friends. In a world full of sensors and extroverts, it's seemingly hard to find good friends. Especially when you're that high on the introversion scale. But, they're out there.

I see where @Faye is coming from, as far as getting some social counsel. But, personality is pretty consistent through one's life. If it were me, I don't think counsel/professional help would really help at all.

It's a shame that you didn't have some insight prior to joining. How much time do you have left?

I'm actually glad that I'm not a highly social being. It's exhausting, for one. And two, it seems like I'd have to fake it.

Do you feel like when you're around people, you're constantly trying to read them? What do you think most people are like? Strange questions, I know. But, your perspective about these things really matters when you're trying to socialize.

 

[acd]

You had close friends in high school so that counts for something. It's not like you are not capable of being a friend. It just sounds like it's not as easy to connect or open up. A lot of introverts experience this to a degree. I personally don't really enjoy entertaining. So unless it's someone I'm close with who I don't feel obligated to entertain and dazzle with a sparkling personality, I don't invite people over or offer to meet up 1:1. Home is where I chill. But if it is something that concerns you or you feel it is negatively impacting your life, it might help to talk to a counselor.