INFJ relationships

[Hyacinth]

I find this is a very good representation to how our brains work and what we look for in a long term compatible partner.

 

[Quarkmaster]

Waaay too long. And he says it's mostly his opinions and his own research. But I dropped off at 15 seconds in because I saw how long it was.

I'll make this short and sweet: We INTPs are practically your only option.

ENTPs are fun but not for LTRs. ESTPs will also be fun, but won't appreciate the depth of discourse. ISTPs are too practical and you may not appreciate them.

So we're it.

 

[Quarkmaster]

So we're it.

Sorry I don't have better news.

 

[Quarkmaster]

Okay, I had to play this video at 2x speed so I could keep up with it, and I stand on my statement. We're it. INTPs are your only choice.

I could pick through all of the points he danced on, but the biggest thing that said it to me was that a relationship should not feel like work. This is something I agree with. We are the easiest, most laid-back people you'll ever come across. We understand everything and have insanely powerful intuition, we're natural problem solvers and we can also be your personal psychological analyst (if we have studied psychology - like Carl Jung, who came up with personality theory, and was, incidentally, an INTP). We're also great listeners and we come up with a million ideas. In a word, we're an endless supply of fun.

 

[Wyote]

I do think that the only options for INFJs are INFJs, INTJs and INTPs
It really depends on orientation and maturity for both of them as to whether it works or not though
Extrovert types may work as well, such as ENFPs or ESTPs but again it will depend on orientation and maturity probably to a greater degree

 

[Quarkmaster]

I do think that the only options for INFJs are INFJs, INTJs and INTPs

You can't imagine how many beautiful women I've walked away from because they're T-types. I know they're females, and they're gorgeous, but they're way too T for me. It would be like having another man in my bed. I assume that the same thing applies to F-types. There can be no true passion between like-types, except all of the passion of a pair of tit-mice.

As for being with another P-types. While I generally get along with most P-types, they can be incredibly annoying when it comes to sticking to plans. Now, once in a while, I'm all for breaking the existing plan to do something off-course, as long as we make our way back to the trail. We're also great fun, but when my mate is a P-type, it forces one of us to be more Jish, which is annoying as hell, because it's usually me. And I really like my freedom to be a P-type.

In my world, no day is planned, so when my J comes along and surprises me with her plan to "let's go do this," I'm usually thrilled, because to me it's a surprise, even if she planned it a year ago.

In the video above, he seriously complained about both of them being J's, and it was a big issue between them. A huge issue. What I understand is that two Js will argue about everything, and especially money. It's often what divorces are about.

So INFJs and INTJs drop out on both of these accounts. INFJs doubly so. That would be the worst, and in fact, the experts agree, he says.

Something can also be said for the Introversion/Extroverion thing, but I think Extroverts are just too insensitive to appreciate how deeply sensitive Introverts can be. They need the crowds, the noise, the constant din of activity, where Introverts just wilt.

As for Sensing/iNtuition, Sensors, in my experience, tend to be uninterested in the deeper things in the world. As he says in his video, sometimes he is talking to a person and in short order, their eyes glaze over, and you realize they're just being polite, but still listening to you, but have no clue what you're talking about. A thousand times a thousand I've found myself in this scenario. When I speak, I want people to understand what I'm talking about, otherwise, I'm wasting my breath, my time and my life.

As for coming out with feelings: If I'm "protecting myself" from someone I don't trust, I'll be a clam. But if I'm around people I know, I'll complain like a bitter old hag. I'll complain so loudly that people will laugh at me.

When people ask me, casually, "How are you doing?" especially if they don't know me very well, I'll say, "Terrible!" And then they'll go, "What??? What's the matter???" And I'll say, "Nothing," very casually. This works especially well on women. On guys they just laugh and learn their lesson.

 

[Hyacinth]

You can't imagine how many beautiful women I've walked away from because they're T-types. I know they're females, and they're gorgeous, but they're way too T for me. It would be like having another man in my bed. I assume that the same thing applies to F-types. There can be no true passion between like-types, except all of the passion of a pair of tit-mice.

As for being with another P-types. While I generally get along with most P-types, they can be incredibly annoying when it comes to sticking to plans. Now, once in a while, I'm all for breaking the existing plan to do something off-course, as long as we make our way back to the trail. We're also great fun, but when my mate is a P-type, it forces one of us to be more Jish, which is annoying as hell, because it's usually me. And I really like my freedom to be a P-type.

In my world, no day is planned, so when my J comes along and surprises me with her plan to "let's go do this," I'm usually thrilled, because to me it's a surprise, even if she planned it a year ago.

In the video above, he seriously complained about both of them being J's, and it was a big issue between them. A huge issue. What I understand is that two Js will argue about everything, and especially money. It's often what divorces are about.

So INFJs and INTJs drop out on both of these accounts. INFJs doubly so. That would be the worst, and in fact, the experts agree, he says.

Something can also be said for the Introversion/Extroverion thing, but I think Extroverts are just too insensitive to appreciate how deeply sensitive Introverts can be. They need the crowds, the noise, the constant din of activity, where Introverts just wilt.

As for Sensing/iNtuition, Sensors, in my experience, tend to be uninterested in the deeper things in the world. As he says in his video, sometimes he is talking to a person and in short order, their eyes glaze over, and you realize they're just being polite, but still listening to you, but have no clue what you're talking about. A thousand times a thousand I've found myself in this scenario. When I speak, I want people to understand what I'm talking about, otherwise, I'm wasting my breath, my time and my life.

As for coming out with feelings: If I'm "protecting myself" from someone I don't trust, I'll be a clam. But if I'm around people I know, I'll complain like a bitter old hag. I'll complain so loudly that people will laugh at me.

When people ask me, casually, "How are you doing?" especially if they don't know me very well, I'll say, "Terrible!" And then they'll go, "What??? What's the matter???" And I'll say, "Nothing," very casually. This works especially well on women. On guys they just laugh and learn their lesson.

I find most of my friends are the INTP, ENFPs, or other INFJs. My ex husband was an ISTJ and it didn’t work out well at all. He was dismissive, stubborn, and rarely ever showed any emotions or love for me. He seemed mostly annoyed by me. It was exhausting living with him and my needs never got met, only his. I went through all of the hard parts of my life alone even going to court to face those who destroyed my life alone without his support along the way. If things didn’t fit into his narrow point of view where he pretended life was perfect even while it wasn’t then it didn’t exist to him and I had to handle and fix difficulties and problems with our kids completely alone. My current relationship is with an ISTP and it has worked out really well. His manliness appeals to me BIG time although his intense focus on money sometimes can be annoying to me. He doesn’t tend to get the glazed over look like other sensor types do when I talk about what interests me and he has high emotional intelligence which I find extremely rare among sensor types but I’m thinking it’s because he was the only boy in a family of women so he learned to be patient and to listen to us. I’ve been with him for five years now currently and I was friends with him for four years when we were teenagers. I have to know the person for a very long time as I have huge trust issues nowadays so I find I have to really trust them enough to allow them in and they have to reach the intellectual depths for me to be able to be compatible with someone which usually someone can tick one thing but not both. I think the video became so long because he was psychoanalyzing himself in this video to try to figure out what went so wrong for him in his last relationship so I can totally understand him picking apart his own brain because I did the same thing after my marriage ended wondering what it was that I did so wrong and the answer was nothing. We were just incompatible. I learned who I was though so it was a blessing rather than a curse that it didn’t work out because I learned what I didn’t want by my failed relationship so that I knew going forward what I did want so I found I wouldn’t have skipped that relationship because it helped me to learn who I was and what my needs are when in the past everyone dismissed me so I was never able to learn this information about myself because I’ve never been forced to sit with myself and truly ask myself the difficult questions that I needed to ask. I simply just existed if you want to even call it that. In reality though I learned to numb myself because it was what I was taught to do.

 

[Wyote]

Oh yeah I forgot about ISTPs but I think they can work as well
but you do have to be ok with a little more compromise

Ultimately anyone can match with anyone
but it has everything to do with your and their needs and perceptions of what a "good" relationship looks like/is

INFJs (and others) tend to self sabotage in pursuit of perfection, which doesn't exist

 

[Hyacinth]

Oh yeah I forgot about ISTPs but I think they can work as well
but you do have to be ok with a little more compromise

Ultimately anyone can match with anyone
but it has everything to do with your and their needs and perceptions of what a "good" relationship looks like/is

INFJs (and others) tend to self sabotage in pursuit of perfection, which doesn't exist

I can definitely tell you for a fact that it’s been one of the easiest flowing relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t ever have to try with him and all other relationships I’ve ever had I had to fight to be heard. With him it’s just easy. If I tell him I don’t like something he just stops doing it. There’s no over explaining, there’s no wanting to bang my head into a wall in frustration, it’s just simple and things for me have never been simple before.

 

[aeon]

I watched it, and thought “he described basic human needs, perhaps with his individual perspective.” And then “maybe you saw it that way because of your functions.”

In my experience, type colors compatibility, or perhaps points to likely outcomes for given situations and relational dynamics.

That said, I don’t think that all that helpful, and indeed, I think compatibility is dependent on many factors more universal than type, in concert with type, outside of type, and deeper than type.

Regardless, I don’t trust that guy’s discernment, and perhaps his conclusions, based on nothing more than marrying an ESTJ. Maybe he’s a masochist—I’m not kink shaming.

Certain things were given too little examination, or nearly glossed over, and for me, those things could not stand as presented. Also, there were things I think and value as essential which he did not address.

Cheers,
Ian

 

[Wyote]

I think compatibility is dependent on many factors more universal than type, in concert with type, outside of type, and deeper than type.

 

[Hyacinth]

I watched it, and thought “he described basic human needs, perhaps with his individual perspective.” And then “maybe you saw it that way because of your functions.”

In my experience, type colors compatibility, or perhaps points to likely outcomes for given situations and relational dynamics.

That said, I don’t think that all that helpful, and indeed, I think compatibility is dependent on many factors more universal than type, in concert with type, outside of type, and deeper than type.

Regardless, I don’t trust that guy’s discernment, and perhaps his conclusions, based on nothing more than marrying an ESTJ. Maybe he’s a masochist—I’m not kink shaming.

Certain things were given too little examination, or nearly glossed over, and for me, those things could not stand as presented. Also, there were things I think and value as essential which he did not address.

Cheers,
Ian

I agree with your assessment on this however most was on point in the video but I agree that it’s basic human needs. I personally didn’t find that he came across as masochistic at all so on that I’ll admit I’m confused on. I find my number one thinking that he didn’t even address is how does the man I am with handle his anger. Due to being around the wrong types of men those who handle their anger through manipulation, control or gaslighting versus just talking out our differences WILL trigger me. I am so used to being blamed for literally everything that in order for me to feel safe in a relationship this is a must, not a compatibility issue but an absolute must at this point in my life. The guy can’t yell, scream, make me cower, or make me feel “less than” or I freeze up and shut down and it triggers my fight or flight so I will immediately need to get out of the relationship because too much of my past it will bring up memories of.

 

[Wyote]

Some people just want to trigger the world
And we love to make those people our leaders for some reason
/random thought

 

[Hyacinth]

Some people just want to trigger the world
And we love to make those people our leaders for some reason
/random thought

All I heard was Trump sorry if you’re a Trump supporter but that man irritates the hell out of me and everyone seems to worship the ground that he walks on, I will personally never understand it. Normally I never bring up politics because I absolutely loathe it but Speaking of masochism earlier that man is the embodiment of the term.

 

[aeon]

I agree with your assessment on this however most was on point in the video but I agree that it’s basic human needs.

In reading my post again I do not think I gave him enough credit for the validity of his stated premises.

I personally didn’t find that he came across as masochistic at all so on that I’ll admit I’m confused on.

Oh, I was taking the piss about marrying an ESTJ.

That said, in general I don’t care for ESTJs, and based on my experiences, in short order they come to very much dislike me.

I find my number one thinking that he didn’t even address is how does the man I am with handle his anger. Due to being around the wrong types of men those who handle their anger through manipulation, control or gaslighting versus just talking out our differences WILL trigger me. I am so used to being blamed for literally everything that in order for me to feel safe in a relationship this is a must, not a compatibility issue but an absolute must at this point in my life. The guy can’t yell, scream, make me cower, or make me feel “less than” or I freeze up and shut down and it triggers my fight or flight so I will immediately need to get out of the relationship because too much of my past it will bring up memories of.

Quite fair, and understood.

If I feel angry around Stephanie, I tell her what I am feeling and thinking and why, then I do what I need to do to release it, because there’s no point in burning energy over something outside my control.

I only yell at inanimate objects when hypoglycemic, and when driving, if I am alone.

Cheers,
Ian

 

[Quarkmaster]

Oh, I was taking the piss about marrying an ESTJ.

That said, in general I don’t care for ESTJs, and based on my experiences, in short order they come to very much dislike me.

Interesting. I get along very well with ENTJs, and they seem to value my thoughts on various things in the world. Where ENTJs are leaders in the world, I think that ESTJs are their valued executors (the ones who carry out their orders), I get equal, if not greater, respect from ESTJs. Again, they value my perspectives as well. I'm not sure exactly how I do this, but I think I'm "tuned in" in this respect to how much and how far (how deeply) I can dig into any particular matter with the various leaders I come into contact with. My most proufound and deepest dicsussions in the world will be with INTJs. These are only the most complex subject matter with someone as deeply immersed in the subject matter as myself.

It scares me sometimes how much influence I can have. I can make a statement about something in the world, to me a mere suggestion (and that's how I see things - everything is changeable - everything is editable - including all decisions), and they will make it law, carrying it to their grave.

In general, I like ESTJs.

If I feel angry around Stephanie, I tell her what I am feeling and thinking and why, then I do what I need to do to release it, because there’s no point in burning energy over something outside my control.

Not me. I let that stuff fester and rot.

And then much later, it'll all come out in a geyser of burning rage, yelling and sceaming and cursing.

Okay, not really. I'm learning to express myself after years and years of repressing my emotions. For example, I've noticed a lot more outbursts from myself when I'm playing racquetball and miss a shot that I should have made. It's short, and then it's over. And the other players just laugh at me. I never used to do that.

There are times when I get really enraged, and I think it just bottles up inside me. There's no one here but me, and I certainly can't take it out on my cat. I think the key to this is tuning it out. Stop thinking and wretching over it. The boiling only harms me. Let it go.

All I heard was Trump sorry if you’re a Trump supporter but that man irritates the hell out of me and everyone seems to worship the ground that he walks on, I will personally never understand it. Normally I never bring up politics because I absolutely loathe it but Speaking of masochism earlier that man is the embodiment of the term.

I thought I was the only one who hated that guy. I can go on and on about this, but I won't. The correct word is Narcisist, or Narcissitic Personality Disorder (NPD), soon to become, whether we like it or not, our newest dictator. He's lining up the military in cities around the country in order to take control when the anti-king riots begin. The "No Kings" [in America] protests have already begun in other countries. For some reason, Americans are too stupid to realize that it's already happening here. The dictator sycophants know that riots will begin because not long from now, his underlings will begin doing things that people are going to get really pissed-off about. They've already begun by starting or threatening to shut down anti-this-guy news organizations, which is how dictators work. They don't take over overnight. They do it a little bit at a time.

They've found a huge flaw in our constitution, and that flaw is gerrymandering. Only 11 states now have independent commisions that define and set up election boundaries. This will be the new great recovery of our nation... or it will fall into decline and cease to be a nation, becoming instead, an oligarchy, and eventually a dictatorship. Right now, the oligarchs have taken over our country.

The cure to this is independent commisions, and there have been a few attempts in Florida to create one, but we know that NO current Florida politician will support one, because they're all so extreme that, in a truly fair election, not one of them could get elected. No current Florida politician would support an ammendment to the Florida constitution establishing an independent electoral districting commission.

So this is one where the people of Florida will have to stand up and oppose the existing government, which only represents about 10% of our electorate, the most extreme (far right and far left) among us.

I guess I did go on and on about this. It's very upsetting.

I watched it, and thought “he described basic human needs, perhaps with his individual perspective.” And then “maybe you saw it that way because of your functions.”

Nope. On this one I disagree. He was definitely talking about INFJ needs. Most humans have very few of the needs he speaks of. As I listened, I could see it from the perspective of INFJs. This is what they need in their relationships, and most people just don't. This was very INFJ-specific.

Most people don't need to sit down and talk things out for hours on end and discuss feelings about various things and goings on. INFJs are pretty far out there.

And I'm one to talk, of course.

 

[Hyacinth]

In reading my post again I do not think I gave him enough credit for the validity of his stated premises.

Oh, I was taking the piss about marrying an ESTJ.

That said, in general I don’t care for ESTJs, and based on my experiences, in short order they come to very much dislike me.

Quite fair, and understood.

If I feel angry around Stephanie, I tell her what I am feeling and thinking and why, then I do what I need to do to release it, because there’s no point in burning energy over something outside my control.

I only yell at inanimate objects when hypoglycemic, and when driving, if I am alone.

Cheers,
Ian

lol fair enough. I suffer from being hangry myself sometimes.

 

[Hyacinth]

Interesting. I get along very well with ENTJs, and they seem to value my thoughts on various things in the world. Where ENTJs are leaders in the world, I think that ESTJs are their valued executors (the ones who carry out their orders), I get equal, if not greater, respect from ESTJs. Again, they value my perspectives as well. I'm not sure exactly how I do this, but I think I'm "tuned in" in this respect to how much and how far (how deeply) I can dig into any particular matter with the various leaders I come into contact with. My most proufound and deepest dicsussions in the world will be with INTJs. These are only the most complex subject matter with someone as deeply immersed in the subject matter as myself.

It scares me sometimes how much influence I can have. I can make a statement about something in the world, to me a mere suggestion (and that's how I see things - everything is changeable - everything is editable - including all decisions), and they will make it law, carrying it to their grave.

In general, I like ESTJs.

Not me. I let that stuff fester and rot.

And then much later, it'll all come out in a geyser of burning rage, yelling and sceaming and cursing.

Okay, not really. I'm learning to express myself after years and years of repressing my emotions. For example, I've noticed a lot more outbursts from myself when I'm playing racquetball and miss a shot that I should have made. It's short, and then it's over. And the other players just laugh at me. I never used to do that.

There are times when I get really enraged, and I think it just bottles up inside me. There's no one here but me, and I certainly can't take it out on my cat. I think the key to this is tuning it out. Stop thinking and wretching over it. The boiling only harms me. Let it go.

I thought I was the only one who hated that guy. I can go on and on about this, but I won't. The correct word is Narcisist, or Narcissitic Personality Disorder (NPD), soon to become, whether we like it or not, our newest dictator. He's lining up the military in cities around the country in order to take control when the anti-king riots begin. The "No Kings" [in America] protests have already begun in other countries. For some reason, Americans are too stupid to realize that it's already happening here. The dictator sycophants know that riots will begin because not long from now, his underlings will begin doing things that people are going to get really pissed-off about. They've already begun by starting or threatening to shut down anti-this-guy news organizations, which is how dictators work. They don't take over overnight. They do it a little bit at a time.

They've found a huge flaw in our constitution, and that flaw is gerrymandering. Only 11 states now have independent commisions that define and set up election boundaries. This will be the new great recovery of our nation... or it will fall into decline and cease to be a nation, becoming instead, an oligarchy, and eventually a dictatorship. Right now, the oligarchs have taken over our country.

The cure to this is independent commisions, and there have been a few attempts in Florida to create one, but we know that NO current Florida politician will support one, because they're all so extreme that, in a truly fair election, not one of them could get elected. No current Florida politician would support an ammendment to the Florida constitution establishing an independent electoral districting commission.

So this is one where the people of Florida will have to stand up and oppose the existing government, which only represents about 10% of our electorate, the most extreme (far right and far left) among us.

I guess I did go on and on about this. It's very upsetting.

Nope. On this one I disagree. He was definitely talking about INFJ needs. Most humans have very few of the needs he speaks of. As I listened, I could see it from the perspective of INFJs. This is what they need in their relationships, and most people just don't. This was very INFJ-specific.

Most people don't need to sit down and talk things out for hours on end and discuss feelings about various things and goings on. INFJs are pretty far out there.

And I'm one to talk, of course.

I definitely don’t have to talk things out for hours on end. Only feeling heard is required. Once I see it “click” in his eyes that he gets me no more is required or said. It usually takes a matter of five minutes before he can place himself in my shoes and see why a particular topic is important to me. He says he values me because I make him think about things in a different way than most people do so he can go along with it because I can easily make it make sense to him. We never fight. The one time we did and I explained that it’s ok to be angry and disagree because feelings were part of being human, he stopped, assessed and then finally let his guard down and explained in detail why something bothered him versus having walls up that he didn’t want me in. It has taken patience, understanding, and mutual respect and it has been so easy. I love it

 

[Wyote]

All I heard was Trump sorry if you’re a Trump supporter but that man irritates the hell out of me and everyone seems to worship the ground that he walks on, I will personally never understand it. Normally I never bring up politics because I absolutely loathe it but Speaking of masochism earlier that man is the embodiment of the term.

Not sure if you meant "you" as in me personally or just anyone in general
But if you read just a handful of my posts over the last decade here, you'd probably discover my opinion quickly
I didn't like him before he was president and that certainly has not changed
But having him as president twice has taught me a lot about the overall psychology of humans
And also the jankyness of the way everything in the world (dis)functions
I don't enjoy engaging in politics either
Because I am able to see all perspectives easily, and people engage ignorantly/unreasonably/with agendas

 

[Hyacinth]

Not sure if you meant "you" as in me personally or just anyone in general
But if you read just a handful of my posts over the last decade here, you'd probably discover my opinion quickly
I didn't like him before he was president and that certainly has not changed
But having him as president twice has taught me a lot about the overall psychology of humans
And also the jankyness of the way everything in the world (dis)functions
I don't enjoy engaging in politics either
Because I am able to see all perspectives easily, and people engage ignorantly/unreasonably/with agendas

Just in general and no sorry. I’ll admit that I live in my own little world and working two jobs to survive doesn’t allow me much time to read through much of anything except the messages that come through to my emails in response to my posts. It’s very nice seeing the exact same response as I feel and the same reason I hate politics instead of someone listening to respond and try to start a fight with me since I don’t care enough to argue since I too see all perspectives and I understand that ppl vote according to their fears instead of rational thinking.