ForestPath
Newbie
- MBTI
- INFJ
Hi,
Just wondering if anyone else seems to find it challenging to have different levels of friendship?
For me it feels like I either decide someone is a friend-and wholeheartedly commit myself to stick by this person. Or people will stay acquaintances and I’ll just interact with them for a certain purpose-like casual interaction at work.
I have someone in myself who I consider a friend, we met in primary school and we were really close. We used to talk nearly every day, shared many details about our lives with each other etc. This friend and our other close friend had a big falling out a few years ago. And I tried to be there to support both of them. The experience brought me closer to one. But it distanced me from the other. She began to pick at our relationship, express all these inadequacies she felt there were. I felt really hurt, and I took that on board and thought I wasn’t doing enough-wasn’t giving to her in the right way-so tried adapting to better fit. She decided she’d like to try just writing letters for a time-so we did that.
Now days we only really communicate through Pinterest chat, brief sort of messages sharing some stuff but in a vague sense not with any real detail. For myself I find that hard, because we communicate like I would an acquaintance but she is my friend and I don’t let that go easily.
I think this suits her much better though. I’ve been reflecting and I don’t think I was right for her as a friend. She has anxiety-and I think the way I think about stuff...I think a lot, I look at different angles, I ask questions, I look to understand why...I think that may have fed her anxiety. I live in my head, and she needs ways to get out of hers so her anxious thinking doesn’t pull her under.
Since she change in our relationship I have watched her flourish in her life-great job, gotten married, has 2 young kids. I’m very proud of her and happy for her.
For myself I feel sad that I’ve not been a part of all that. Thinking of her as a friend I want to be a part of things, and give her a place in my life. But being a friend I also want what’s best for her and I’m not sure something more than acquaintances would be. My confusion over our relationship makes it hard for me to appreciate where things currently are.
I’m not really sure what I want for myself with her. I find it hard to validate my own feelings instead relying on idea that if it suits someone else than it is the way I need to go.
Anyone else been through something similar? Or found ways to appreciate/connect with people on different levels?
Just wondering if anyone else seems to find it challenging to have different levels of friendship?
For me it feels like I either decide someone is a friend-and wholeheartedly commit myself to stick by this person. Or people will stay acquaintances and I’ll just interact with them for a certain purpose-like casual interaction at work.
I have someone in myself who I consider a friend, we met in primary school and we were really close. We used to talk nearly every day, shared many details about our lives with each other etc. This friend and our other close friend had a big falling out a few years ago. And I tried to be there to support both of them. The experience brought me closer to one. But it distanced me from the other. She began to pick at our relationship, express all these inadequacies she felt there were. I felt really hurt, and I took that on board and thought I wasn’t doing enough-wasn’t giving to her in the right way-so tried adapting to better fit. She decided she’d like to try just writing letters for a time-so we did that.
Now days we only really communicate through Pinterest chat, brief sort of messages sharing some stuff but in a vague sense not with any real detail. For myself I find that hard, because we communicate like I would an acquaintance but she is my friend and I don’t let that go easily.
I think this suits her much better though. I’ve been reflecting and I don’t think I was right for her as a friend. She has anxiety-and I think the way I think about stuff...I think a lot, I look at different angles, I ask questions, I look to understand why...I think that may have fed her anxiety. I live in my head, and she needs ways to get out of hers so her anxious thinking doesn’t pull her under.
Since she change in our relationship I have watched her flourish in her life-great job, gotten married, has 2 young kids. I’m very proud of her and happy for her.
For myself I feel sad that I’ve not been a part of all that. Thinking of her as a friend I want to be a part of things, and give her a place in my life. But being a friend I also want what’s best for her and I’m not sure something more than acquaintances would be. My confusion over our relationship makes it hard for me to appreciate where things currently are.
I’m not really sure what I want for myself with her. I find it hard to validate my own feelings instead relying on idea that if it suits someone else than it is the way I need to go.
Anyone else been through something similar? Or found ways to appreciate/connect with people on different levels?
