Feeling really uncomfortable with acting?

[Darc]

I feel it's really unfair because at various times at my life I have changed myself and tried to be conscious and work at how I present and hold myself, it just seems like the standards that are beholden socially seem really extreme to me and I find them really uncomfortable.

I also find a lot of emotional obstacles in the way of actually accomplishing or achieving this. For one, it makes me really uncomfortable and sad, and then it seems to bring up a lot of anger and sadness inside of me. Sometimes it almost makes me feel like crying if i were to be honest. (if not screaming as well)

I know that this often is perceived as simply 'whining' at what is, but it's not merely the case, as there is a lot of logical reasoning's behind the existence of such things, but I digress I do not really want to get into it now. But I am starting to notice how much negative reactions or bewilderment and confusion that arises from my behavior or mannerisms at times. For example, I sometimes look down, or don't always stand/and sit straight continually. Sometimes I pause, and think about things and few different facial expressions will come across my face, and also sometimes I just pause to think about things, which I suppose could be defined as "brooding" to an extent if anything, but I've noticed it confuses people a lot. I also don't feel comfortable always smiling with people all of the time, and joining in on the whole jovial esque exchange type of thing that I notice people do a lot.

Also, I kind of wonder if it's mostly Western culture a times though? I've started to notice just how extroverted it is in comparison to the rest of the world and I just kind of abhor it. I am not even against "conformity" all that much I realized, and by comparison to other cultures I don't have that much of a conflict but with Western culture I seem to not really have a place in it. Also as well, kind of adversarial?


It doesn't help that I do no emit a very strong or domineering physical presence and as well, I look doleful or seemingly innocent a bit, despite my best efforts not to.

 

[Darc]

I don't know if it's important or not, but I wanted to say that often times it's in relationship to capitalism, which is a lot of the reason why it bothers me so much because it's not actually on the basis of authentically wanting to connect or co-operate with people and do what is meaningful to ourselves, it is about competing, and doing what those in authority/power want, which again is on the basis of capitalism, which often times, the motive and objective of capitalism is not really very good. It's all just business/profit, and beating/being superior to others and not connecting with people. I try to mentally ignore it or think it's not a big deal but the alienation just causes so much emotional distress in me, I do not know why. I feel like I am in a dark steel room, and I am clawing at the walls all of the time, and everything is cold dark and empty, even looking or being around others is it vein, because social interactions too often are cold dark and empty.

North America is really competitive as well I think, everyone is always sizing each other up or competing and to most people that's what the main point in life is, and I just don't get how they can be content proverbially 'chasing cheese' all of the time.

Smiling, being happy isn't based on anything authentic, and we do not even know why we're supposed to be happy, we just are supposed to be, again it's like a void sort of, wherein nothing else matters and you're supposed to carry on in this fashion as well.


I think Canada might be worse for this then America though ironically enough, I've been around Americas and whilst of course their is an exception to present oneself properly, it doesn't seem so extreme. Canada seems really strict with how one should behave, not too all removed from Britain (at least from the past) lol.

I think that generally I feel as that, if there's nothing we can do to change or improve things in this manner, how can one possibly be expected to act so much, especially in a sense of being happy? there's nothing really personally to be happy against for then, but I know that's the whole reason of "acting" because that's the basis of capitalism---we all have our own self interested desires and are supposed to hide this and pretend like we do not. (or something) so at least there's a portion of civility. (are true selves are not good, so we must hide them?)

 

[Gyan]

I recently saw a picture of emancipated POW's from a Japanese internment camp. These guys were truly skeletons of men. Half of them were smiling I assume because their picture was being taken!!! I can't imagine at that point they were happy campers. Maybe it was because they survived. Even then I doubt I would be smiling. So cheer up Darc (you don't have to smile though) things could be worse!

 

[SeekerSeeking]

I don't know about the connection between 'acting happy' and the USA. But just me you. If you don't feel like smiling--don't. If you do--do. Be true to yourself. Some folks might have something to say about this--and that's fine because you are being you; and some folks will always have something to say. Like every snow flake, every person is different (except twins and there are some differences with them too). So if the universe went to all this trouble to make every one different--then live it. Embrace it. Love you and be you. This can sometimes take time; it did with me. I grew up in 14 abusive households. So at first I didn't know how to be happy. Everything was deadly serious to me. But I worked at it (got therapy too). And today, I am much much younger and happier than I ever was as a child. I hope you find your way...

 

[Wyote]

Stop acting. Embrace capitalism.

 

[niar]

You should sit up straight. Slouching is bad for your spine young lady!

 

[seira0807]

Sorry ... I came into the thread thinking that you were going to take about interpreting a script/emotion for a play/film haha - my bad

 

[Asa]

It just takes training, @Darc. Don't be fake, but try to adjust to seem more personable in your own way, and don't stress out about what others think about you so much, because they're probably not as focused on your behavior as they are on themselves. Yeah, a solid truth about life is that it is not fair.
People you've known a long time, whether they're coworkers or friends, will accept you as you are and learn to understand your body language, facial expressions, etc.


I do get what you're saying about culture and capitalism and agree that society-at-large in the US*, and even Canada, but not to the same degree, is more extroverted than some other countries. Maybe you should travel more, and try to find a place where you feel comfortable.
*Well, Italy is very extroverted, but warmer and more inclusive than the US.