As an INFJ, how do you feel and what are your experiences with ESFJs?

[Vee]

I used to be romantically involved with an ESFJ. He said that he found me to be intriguing because he was very talented at reading people, but when it came to me, he could never do that. He said that was one of the reasons he was attracted to me; he found me to be an enigma. He drained me emotionally because he did not understand my Introversion; he was extremely talkative and clingy. I don't think he understood what I meant by "alone time". Something about ESFJs seems to suffocate me, like they can't give me enough of the emotional space I need. Whenever I would try and be by myself for a few days, he would jump to conclusions, like I secretly hate him or I was planning to leave him. I would always have to reassure him that everything was fine. Does anyone else have a similar experience with ESFJs? I'm genuinely interested in your responses.

 

[La Sagna]

My 'best' friend is an ESFJ. I have to put 'best' in quotes because she certainly calls me her best friend and in a way she is mine too because she is the one I see most often, and also the one I can count on if I need help with anything. She is definitly not my ideal for a friend because I can only handle her for short periods of time. She completly drains me. She has a very negative outlook on people and she likes to give advice but doesn't take advice very well herself. She is a good person and I can definitly count on her to help me out. She is very loyal. She has come to understand that I need my space and I think she is trying to give me that because I know she does value me. I will listen to all her complaints about life and people, but I have tried to share my thoughts and feelings and she just can't handle them. She is way too sensitive, not in her own feelings being hurt but mostly in not being able to handle hearing other people's stories that are sad. She is also too judgemental.

I don't think she's very good at reading people though. I find she makes judgement calls on people and will stick to her opinion no matter what, but I think she is usually off the mark.

I also think that my dad is an ESFJ. He was a very good dad when we were young, very caring and present, but after my mom died he completly changed and is distant and uncaring. He is also very opiniated.