A thought | INFJ Forum

A thought

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Skippy

Community Member
Nov 22, 2010
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MBTI
INTP
Enneagram
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I've been around MBTI thing for a while, and I was just recently thinking about how people use this to identify themselves. Now, over the past few months (and thanks to Kucala, amongst others), I have begun to realize that I don't feel too little, I feel too much. And I desire control over my emotions (so that I remain unbiased and fair) so I suppress the majority of them. This has led to stress and pain and freak outs and etc. I was just doing the Enneagram test again when I thought "What if I'm not answering these correctly because I'm suppressing part of who I am? Am I someone who enjoys detachment, or do I fear emotions? How can I truly say something about myself when I don't know everything about myself?"

What do you think?
 
Sounds like you're going through a point of self discovery in your life. Just be honest with yourself.
 
I feel like I phrased myself incorrectly. What if I think I'm being honest with myself, but really I have a mental block that is preventing me from actually being honest?

An eccentricity of mine is this bizarre form of empathy, where I put myself in someone else's shoes just to see what it's like. I'm an actor, and that's what I'm hoping to do as I go forward in life. Mind, other actors get the existential crisis thing a lot more than I do, but I have a fairly firm grasp on who I am. Or so I thought. Realizing I have this well of suppressed emotions makes me wonder what I will be like after all this is healed. Will I be calmer? More vulnerable and sensitive?
 
I struggled with this as well. Like, I'd think, 'what if I'm manipulating the answers because I know what the questions are getting at' and such. I want the truth, not what I'd prefer to believe I am. I think its easy to confuse yourself.

To avoid it, I go through every single question and rather than what I think I might do in that situation, I think of an example from my life appropriate for the question, and I think about what my reaction was/how I handled it. That way I'm basing it off an inescapable truth: my past. It's kept me very honest and the results have made a lot more sense after that. Also, I really think about the wording of the question so that I thoroughly understand. Looking words up in the dictionary when they seem vague helps, too :) just to get a firmer handle on what they're trying to say.

It takes much longer to finish the tests this way, but I trust the results more and it gives me peace of mind.
 
A friend of mine had herself thoroughly convinced that she was someone else for 4 years of her life. Even the past cannot be trusted in scenarios like this. Which begs the question: If not what has happened (and is fact), then what?
 
[MENTION=3394]Skippy[/MENTION]

First off, I know you. And as much as you do repress your emotions, I don't think that you're being someone you're not, or somesuch. I do think you are suppressing parts of yourself that you don't realize you have. This is not enough to make you an entirely different person. Although, I can understand how this can be worrisome for ANYONE, particularly you.
As I have said, if taking personality tests makes you uncomfortable because you are unsure with them, and you think that this potential 'knowledge' you could gain could be incorrect and bias you, then it's as simple as this... don't take them.
Over the past couple months you've seen more of yourself than I think you've seen in a long time. And I won't go so far as to say I'm shocked - this was what I was attempting to discuss with you a few months ago. However, it's a stressful thing to go through. As bickelz said, you're going through a point of self discovery. This is a good thing, and something that I think will seriously help you, even if it's incredibly stressful now.
I'd like to finish by saying that A]Screw your parents - father, in particular - if they don't like who you are, and B]Your emotions are who you are and that isn't a bad thing, even if they frighten you.
And most importantly, that I'm here for you. :hug:
 
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You've taken your first step on the path of individuation my dear friend :)
 
Now, I had this all typed out, but then the school internet decided to be a butt and I lost it all. SDFsdfkok. Take two.
kucala said:
[MENTION=3394]Skippy[/MENTION]

First off, I know you. And as much as you do repress your emotions, I don't think that you're being someone you're not, or somesuch. I do think you are suppressing parts of yourself that you don't realize you have. This is not enough to make you an entirely different person. Although, I can understand how this can be worrisome for ANYONE, particularly you.
As I have said, if taking personality tests makes you uncomfortable because you are unsure with them, and you think that this potential 'knowledge' you could gain could be incorrect and bias you, then it's as simple as this... don't take them.
Over the past couple months you've seen more of yourself than I think you've seen in a long time. And I won't go so far as to say I'm shocked - this was what I was attempting to discuss with you a few months ago. However, it's a stressful thing to go through. As bickelz said, you're going through a point of self discovery. This is a good thing, and something that I think will seriously help you, even if it's incredibly stressful now.
I'd like to finish by saying that A]Screw your parents - father, in particular - if they don't like who you are, and B]Your emotions are who you are and that isn't a bad thing, even if they frighten you.
And most importantly, that I'm here for you. :hug:
Click to expand...

1)The whole is made up of it's parts. If the parts change, so does the whole. I want to know how I will change.

2)I'm not uncomfortable with the tests, I just wonder what their value is if they don't provide an accurate answer. This is more a gripe at the questions they ask more than the result.

3) *whines* I'm impatiiieeeeeennnnnttt. I just want one giant freak out to get it all over with.

4a) He's not THAT bad... just select moments. He likes to take an idea, stick it in the furnace, and if it survives, he gives his blessings.

4b) I don't think frighten is the best word, but hell, at this point you probably know me better than I know myself. I'm just wondering what to do with them when they appear - I mean, you've seen me cuddle, you know how spazzy/twitchy/squee/melty/etc I get. How do I deal with them?

4c) :hug:



One thing that's been on my mind, and that I just realized recently, is that (as with all definitions) to define yourself you must compare yourself to others. Without omnipresence a firm identity is impossible. Nothing about you remains static. Now, if nothing is static, then nothing is objectively true. Hot must be defined by cold, small must be defined by large, callous must be defined by tender, etc. But in this case, the constant comparisons means that you will vary every single time. I do this already - in certain situations, I simply mirror what the others are doing/feeling. If we change according to our surroundings, ipso facto we can change. Why can't we reinvent ourselves? Why can't I go from abstract to concrete? from straight to gay/bi/demi/asexual? The human body recycles every single of it's cells every 7 years. Yet we can't stop being, say, INTP and start being ESTJ. How much of our identities is hardware, derived from genetics, and how much is software, dependent on what we do?

THE ORIGINAL RANT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. SCREW YOU SCHOOL INTERNET.
 
Whoa there, inside voices.

It sounds like you're trying really hard to find out who who are, but every time you get a lead, you start to pursue that image of you. Which seems fine, but the problem is that once you do that, you find another pathway to self discovery, and have to change all over again. Like a snake eating it's own tail, and still looking ok. As an actor, you're probably very good at jumping into new personalities that may suit you, so this process happens even faster.
I suggest you take a break and hole your breath for a while, so to speak. Do you have a childhood memories, like journals, photographs, etc? Go back to those. Moving "backwards down the number line" (google it, good song) with help ground you in who you are so you can really get down to business.
:hug:
 
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