The Genesis of I: Social Anxiety, Depression and the INFj. | INFJ Forum

The Genesis of I: Social Anxiety, Depression and the INFj.

Aug 4, 2013
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MBTI
INFJ
I'm starting to get a bit back into writing and came up with this a few days ago. It's loosely based on myself and the way I feel at times. Writing this surprisingly turned out to be great therapy! I'll be doing this way more now. Anyways, let me know what you guys think!
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The Genesis of I: Part One

The room is dimly lit, dry, and cool, eradiating a sense of peace undetectable beyond these walls. Here, time is inexistent and pain is comfortably processed.

Welcome to my womb.

They call me an introverted weirdo, an abnormality of society lost in the land of the abstract. They believe me to be lost; a stereotypical fool dejectedly blinded by a rebellious design of contrasting intellection. Everyone is different, but my different is too different.

It’s currently 10:03 AM. The air is electric as unforeseen showers envelop the metropolis. I notice men, women and children scattered across the streets below rushing, shoving, and shouting as their minds pulsate to the drum of ticking watches and beeping phones. These people have responsibilities, although unknowingly not to themselves, but to a common paradoxical perception hailed by modern thought:

“Just be yourself and you’ll fit right in.”

Out there, it’s the jungle of narrow deliberation, for narrow deliberation is the key to safe thinking, and safe thinking marks the dividing line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Welcome to the real world; a world I am about to join.

Today

Today, everything is going to change. Today, I will finally conform. Today, I shall break out of this reclusive womb and emerge to the polluted surface of the real world as the almost living and barely breathing definition of true “self-destruction”. I have regrettably spent the last half-decade of my existence consumed by fierce introspection, furiously waging psychological warfare against the parasitical past, present and future visions slithering away within the depths of my consciousness, but today, this war will end.

It’s now 10:04 AM.

A new thought barbarously introduces itself, stealing center stage without any consideration for the other deserving works of my mind patiently waiting in line.

“I’m such a loser.”

Out of all the thoughts to hit the spotlight, this one has to be the least refreshing. Such an outburst of negative reflection may raise a red flag in your mind, but to me, it’s a morning ritual. Apply, loathe, and repeat.

It’s now 10:05 AM.

I must evade the warmth of this bed and crawl out into the cold at once. I must, just as everyone else, rush, shove and shout my presence in the streets below, for the longer I lay still and thinking, the more thoughtless initiative is spilled down the drain. The only question is: who shall I be? If the essence of a personality dictates where one goes and what one does, then I think it’s safe to assume this riddle must be solved before any conclusive action is taken…or any bed is left abandoned.

End: Part One
 
I particularly enjoyed the opening line "The room is dimly lit, dry, and cool, eradiating a sense of peace undetectable beyond these walls. Here, time is inexistent and pain is comfortably processed" it truly feels serene and comforting. Intruding thoughts such as "i'm a looser" are only anxieties that your mind stirs up, you have let those thoughts spill into the cauldron of your subconscious, then as you feel a brief moment of mental comfort a finger smacks you in the forehead and causes your mind to ring with "I'm a Looser". Letting that finger prod your mind day to day is only making you further from self acceptance, in fact self-acceptance in the hands of an INFJ is one of the most powerful tools letting you truly operate to full potential.

Looking at the persona like a set of masks is quite depressing indeed, i feel a change of perspective is in order. "Every perspective is useful" said Legion the Geth collective from mass effect, my perspective on the idea of a person is that you think of a three-dimensional shape that represents a person. Take for instance a sphere, some people are consistent all around on their feelings, attitudes, and overall behavior. Most are like squares that change sides based on what part of themselves they want to show to another. I feel that us as INFJs are able to manipulate the size and dimensions of our shape to fit the situation easily which adds another layer to how we communicate and convey ourselves upon others.
 
I think that INFj is INFP in MBTI.

I liked this though. Especially this line.. "Everyone is different, but my different is too different."

People's minds pulsating to clocks and beeps and "Apply, loathe, and repeat". That's clever. I like clever things.

Good social commentary and a tribute to the perspective of more sensitive types of people.
 
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