Thanks for sharing further material.
This is very interesting the way they speak of this- equating authenticity as being incompatible with the concept of "toxic positivity", as if those who feel this way are "putting on an act."
I view it less as putting on an act and actively choosing your thoughts and behavior and not just riding on whatever emotion you have at the current moment.
Law of attraction thing I don't agree with either.
I think I can see what is meant by toxic positivity that it is somebody saying they've never been sad or never feel bad. I don't think I've actually met many people like that in real life. I have met more people who moan and complain and never have a good thing to say. That annoys me more.
I do think mindset is the most important part of succeeding, not just in the workplace, but in life.
Definitely there is a balance between constructive criticism with the aim of improving something and critiquing just to critique.
I like that they are touching on how some people aren't comfortable feeling calm or happy. I think that's right, and that's why those people enjoy the idea of toxic positivity because they are more negative slanted in their emotions and they have difficulty experiencing life in a positive way. So rather than just owning that- " I prefer to be unhappy and complain and express negative emotions"- they want to exert control on other people's behavior because they do not feel socially accepted.
Also, validating your own emotions when you are going through a hard time and deciding to take a mindset in reaction to it that is focusing on the positive is not shaming yourself. It's a part of regular emotional regulation. It's also ok if you prefer not to reframe your issues and allow your emotions to control your thoughts and attitude. These are choices.
I'm not sure that her claim that affirmations don't usually work is true... Where is the stats? It sounds like a personal opinion which is fine, for her it doesn't work. That's ok. But for somebody like me it works great.
Saying that your ability to have gratitude depends on your circumstances kind of defeats the concept of gratitude. Gratitude is not something only accessable if you have the perfect life. Gratitude is a practice of finding the silver lining when you do feel as though you are lacking in your life-- that's the whole PURPOSE of gratitude... To appreciate what you have, no matter how little it is. I don't buy the argument that gratitude is easier for certain people- some people might have more to be grateful for depending on how you're looking at it, but that doesn't actually make it easier to have gratitude. Gratitude is a skill that has to be developed.
I do like how she addresses the benefit of complaining in trouble shooting and that people can get stuck in these complaint loops. That's very true.
I like that she encourages people to directly communicate that is somebody says something that isn't helpful to explain and explain what woulf be helpful because again I think it boils down to a different style of coping with life and challenges. If we can realize we are different we can bridge the communication gap and acknowledge our differences without having to change each other.
"Discrimination with a smile", I resonate with the flip side. It's emotionally taxing when somebody needs you to constantly validate that they are being treated unfairly and often they're using those feelings to justify inaction. There is a balance. I can acknowledge people experience unique hardship but the minute that becomes an excuse I get frustrated by it. I have no tolerance for it but that's again my personal preference. I try to just exit those situations now that I realize I can't provide the comfort these people are seeking.
Love the critique of social media... It is very true.
I also like that they discuss the flexibility of values and how important it is to define your own values.
I definitely see if somebody thinks they aren't ALLOWED to feel negative emotions how that can create internal discord because we all do have negative emotions. Again, it's about preference and how you decide to handle those emotions.
I love they address the "when I have xyz I'll be happy" attitude and how that can be pretty destructive. I see that tied into the mindset of people who are unhappy with their lives... They always have something out of reach that, until they have that, they can never be happy. I really do not like that attitude.
It's a temperament issue in my opinion. I prefer to reframe and am very frustrated by people who like to vent and complain- it's not my style, I'm trying to solve an issue if I'm talking about it.
I will say, I hope people who do have a more negative bias in life can find places to feel comfortable and express themselves in the way those who have a positive bias do. It is hard to have a culture that encourages a certain emotion or mindset.
I am biased to think that positivity results in better life outcomes, but we all do experience a mixture of emotions. Nobody is to blame if they prefer to focus on one specific over others, though balance is great to strive for. And balance will probably look different person to person. We all have our preferences.
