So I just wanted to give all a quick personal update...since this is still also kind of a blog of mine.
Health wise, doing so-so...have trouble sleeping at night recently (pain)...which is why I'm posting right now....but then I'll be up again at 5am so whatever.
I've lost a bit of weight...I think this is due to me stopping the antidepressant I was taking - Remeron/mirtazapine.
I just didn't like the sedative feeling it gave me...Anyhow, after stopping it...I just had zero appetite...but it's coming back now thank goodness.
Been taking a new regimen of herbal supplements...we got, Valerian root, Aswagandha root, Probiotics, turmeric/curcumin, and L-theanine...so far they seem to be working...no major flare-ups.
I am starting to mentally prepare for another round of dosing myself with entheogens....its been a good year and a half and during that time since I last took them the experience helped me significantly and for quite a while before the depression/anxiety start to creep back in...doom and gloom.
I couldn't have made it without the little guys changing my perspective...breaking me free from the rut I was stuck in...and also taught me how to meditate properly.
Before, I had difficulty maintaining for 15-20 minutes at a time due to the severe anxiety and taking a nap (which I so desperately needed at the time) was impossible during the day.
Some switch got flipped, the hard drive got defragged, the reset button was pushed..Ctl+Alt+Del in your brain.
Same concept as electroshock therapy only chemically induced.
This past year has been a challenge for sure...but I feel more mentally, emotionally, spiritually aware of what I need to do to maintain and keep myself from falling back down into severe depression/anxiety.
This Sunday is the first meeting of the new pain group I am leading - Treating Chronic Pain with Psychedellics.
So far I am very excited...most people don't realize that there are things out there that work amazingly well for not only their condition but also your understanding or your inner self and reality in general.
As always...there are medical issues to consider before such a thing should be attempted.
Most of these folks are at their wits end...tired of nothing working...tired of the constant unrelenting pain.
Pain causes depression and anxiety...it's like having the idle on your car adjusted up way too high...those things in turn aggravate and flare up the pain - and the cycle of BS continues...(unless you break it).
Also, depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, etc. are also a form of Chronic Pain...your brain interprets a broken arm the same way it interprets a broken heart...the pain there is real and the same...though most people suffering in that manner wouldn't say they have chronic pain, they actually do.
Anyhow....I get up at 5, but then meditate for a couple hours usually followed by a quick nap once I'm fully relaxed and have done my chakra balancing or whatever I am working on that day.
I often feel trapped here at home...in my body that sometimes malfunctions...but if I have done anything or learned anything from it all it was the ability to accept it for what it is.
Too much fighting myself...too much self-pity...too self-judgmental..too critical of my self-worth and the role I felt obligated to obtain, not feeling worthy of the love others gave me.
Time to step out of my comfort zone again into the psychonautic realm to break down the negative filters that our society and egotistic self for that matter get stuck in....the skip.
Yes...the skip...this is what I'm calling it now....the skipping record...no longer able to move onto the next song...round and around it goes over and over until you see no other perspective but one of feeling trapped, sad, and broken.
It's been some time since I have really tried to go out of body during meditation.
This partly due to the bad sleep I'm getting at night now - fingers crossed that changes soon and I can refocus my efforts on things I want to be doing...not forced to put up with.
Enough rambling...time to veg out with a book or whatnot until I wake up at 2....change to my chair and try to sleep for a few more hours.
Much love my friends!