Male ESFJ and Female INFJ Relationship? | INFJ Forum

Male ESFJ and Female INFJ Relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by jagsfan05, Aug 20, 2013.

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  1. jagsfan05

    jagsfan05 Lurker

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    I haven't seen a lot on this relationship combination, especially with a Male ESFJ which is more unique with a female INFJ. Just wanted to get people's thoughts, opinions, advice, experiences, etc. Or any outside information links or what not! I know they aren't necessary advised to be compatible already, just wanted to here more information.

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    The reason I ask is because I am an ESFJ and my girlfriend of almost a year is an INFJ. We are extremely happy together but definitely realize that there is differences with her loving to think more abstract, deep conversations, etc. It's been a struggle since that's not my personality with my Sensing part of the combination and her Intuition but we are definitely doing our best and making it work!
     
  2. Lexika

    Lexika Regular Poster

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    The Ni & Si are going to clash. My impression of ESFJs is that they understand everything too literally and respond very directly and immediately. INFJs in comparison will be checking all kinds of remote hypothetical associations, but this takes time, so they respond slower. ESFJs are great for prompting INFJ to act or decide on something quicker. But the Ni-Si differences never go away. I've been friends with an ESFJ for close to 4 years now and there is always some awkwardness in our conversations.

    In socionics the Fe-Si and Ni-Fe types are in relations of supervision where NiFe is supervisor to FeSi (intertypes).
     
  3. jagsfan05

    jagsfan05 Lurker

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    Thanks for the reply! When I went to your look on that graph it matches up as Illusion/Mirage though and not Relations of Supervision? I also went to http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm and put in our two types and it also shows as Illusion and not Relations of Supervision?
     
  4. valoLoognok

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  5. jagsfan05

    jagsfan05 Lurker

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    But I thought ESFJ and INFJ were illusionary? According to that link you referenced they are along with another site I saw?
     
  6. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    yeah, the Fe parts is going to go well--but Si and Ni is...probably..not.

    I would have to ask if you and your girlfriend had a shared background / values / beliefs or not-- that will in significant ways help the relationship along.
    At the same time, Ni users tend to see little reason to follow propriety for the sake of itself-- something Si users generally won't see. If Ni users see a particular aspect as wrong they will generally act, despite the so-called 'tradition' or 'politeness' or 'etiquette' or 'that's what it has been'.

    In practical terms, that occasionally means that the INFJ will probably be more experimental. And at the same time in terms of dealing with people, they have a more varied range and can be very direct in doing so, compared to an ESFJ. Where an ESFJ may choose to engage, an INFJ may choose to detach-- and vice versa.
     
  7. Lexika

    Lexika Regular Poster

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    Socionics does not use the same criteria to assign j/p letters to types, thus for introverts the j/p's are fipped while extraverts keep same letters.

    Socionics Ni-Fe type is thus called INFp rather than INFJ. You can see the INFp profile here, first function of introverted intuition just like INFJ: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/31-INFp-description-Filatova

    INFp is supervisor to ESFj.
     
  8. jagsfan05

    jagsfan05 Lurker

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    Ok thanks guys! Sorry I was confused how socionics works! As the ESFJ I have noticed that I also tend to lean towards ISFJ with a lot of my qualities. So I think in a lot of ways you could consider me ambivert? What is an ISFJ in socionics? Is that all you have to do to figure out what your type is? If you are an extrovert everything stays the same but if you are an introvert all you have to do is flip the last letter?
    Our socionics of supervision with me as an ESFJ doesn't really sound like us at all but it especially doesn't if you were to consider me an ISFJ (if that translates to ISFp)

    Trifoilum: Yes we are of the same religious denomination and we hold a lot of things in common.
     
    #8 jagsfan05, Aug 24, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2013
  9. ruji

    ruji ❤♡❤♡❤

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    IDK why you INFJs are fronting with all this technical talk about functions. Just admit you don't like sensors.
     
  10. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Permanent Fixture
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    For personally its not so much sensioers. Its more that ESFJs and ESTJs drive me up the damn wall.

    I would never and I mean never be able to have a long term reanlstionship with one. Thank you mom.ROFL Seriously good luck.

    The biggest problem I know of between INFJ's and ESFJ's is the topic of interest and conflict in how judging you are. SJ's talk about boring crap that most NFs find to be minimally important (topics of security and what not, when bills are due, mainstream media ecte) and the problem of SJ being really strongly Judging and a need to conform to social and social norms to an extreme extent. Where as NF tend to follow rules only when make sense.
     
  11. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    That's a little backwards and generalizing, innit?

    (ALSO I LIKE YOUUU)


    @jagsfan05 : ah good, that will make things easier. I would recommend you getting to know her quirks-- and telling her yours. Get a good sense of the boundaries for the two of you; both emotionally and physically. Explore something new that wouldn't cross neither of your lines.
     
    #11 Trifoilum, Aug 24, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2013
  12. ruji

    ruji ❤♡❤♡❤

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    No. Also, I'm a sensor.
     
  13. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    yes but I like you still
     
  14. solanos

    solanos Lurker

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    HI jagsfan05,

    I would assume the N-S difference to be a possible obstacle. However, ESFJs have tertiary inutition and I've found mature ESFJs to often be quite intuitive and interested in philosophical topics, as long as they relate to people. INFJs will probably always struggle with the conrete/sensing one way or another, more than ESFJs do with the abstract. So, the ESFJ may have to adjust more, simply because they are more able to. A possible suggestion would be to focus on developing your extraverted intuition. You might find this site useful: http://psychological-types.com/TB/E/WKIE.html There are also many threads on developing particular functions.

    INFJs are often quite analytical due to their tertiary Ti. I've found that ESFJs generally dislike discussing matters that do not concern humans in one way or another, probably because extraverted feeling is their dominant function. In this regard, the INFJ mave have to make sure they don't bring up such topics.

    Another aspect to be mindful of is introversion vs. extraversion, especially the different flowing from it.

    ESFJ and INFJ definitely have common ground as they are both extraverted feelers. This can facilitate interaction and prevent misunderstandings, because both types are emotionally expressive and usually like a visible emotional reaction in their partner, which they will usually get in this pairing.


    In my opinion, it all comes down to the individual's ability and willingness to work and compromise in some respects. Given that, I think a good realationship is absolutely possible.






    Best
    solanos
     
  15. Lexika

    Lexika Regular Poster

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    Yeah ISFJ translates to ISFp.
    You can take some socionics tests here and read through the profiles.

    Because functions predict compatibility. If you have Fe/Fi mismatch for example chances are you'll have different ways of expressing affection that you partner may not understand. This makes relating more difficult.

    Socionics pairs intuitives with sensors and has way less prejudice about S-types than MBTI.
     

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