INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost

It's very common for NFs to feel misunderstood or out of the loop, or, as you said, strange or weird.

We often have our heads in the clouds more often. We're more idealistic, more abstract, more beyond-the-surface. It's not unknown for us to talk in metaphors. That can be confusing to a lot of more concrete people.

What sort of stuff are you misunderstood about?
 
[YOUTUBE]<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NytY9YstXVI&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NytY9YstXVI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]

reflects this song perfectly.well almost all anyway.

i love this song cos its how I feel too.

I like to be misunderstood in a way. It allows me to adjust what I mean actually to something more politically correct ;)
 
gloomy-optimist said:
It's very common for NFs to feel misunderstood or out of the loop, or, as you said, strange or weird.

We often have our heads in the clouds more often. We're more idealistic, more abstract, more beyond-the-surface. It's not unknown for us to talk in metaphors. That can be confusing to a lot of more concrete people.

What sort of stuff are you misunderstood about?
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everything.
i get a lot of people disliking me sometimes, which to me is so weird.
becasue i never have malicious intent about anything.

but i suppose a lot of these people have different priorities. they don't care about malicious intent or how good you are, they just think you're a jerk for being introspective and mysterious I guess.
 
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Yeah, some people dislike what they don't understand, or what they perceive as different.

I suppose one thing you could do is just become more aware of your surroundings -- that'll kick in a little more extroversion and a little more sensing, without having to change who you are. Take note of the world around you, or at least appear that way; you'll seem less dreamy and more "normal" when you need to be.
 
I get misunderstood and have tried to analyze some of the reasons.

1. It bothers me, and so I might remember those occasions more than the average person would who also gets misunderstood. I do feel awful when I accidentally hurt someone.

2. I'm oblivious to certain social dynamics involving ego and dominance and so accidentally offend people in positions of social power who are expecting to be treated differently than other people because of their status.

3. I tend to have a positive baseline assumption about people, and so subconsciously expect that from others. I don't start with the assumption of guilty until proven innocent for myself or others. I can forget to provide the information to make the case that my intentions are positive.

4. I forget that people are afraid that I am thinking negatively about them and so don't reassure them that my thoughts are positive. They can then assume the worst based on their own fears about others misunderstanding them.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
Yeah, some people dislike what they don't understand, or what they perceive as different.

I suppose one thing you could do is just become more aware of your surroundings -- that'll kick in a little more extroversion and a little more sensing, without having to change who you are. Take note of the world around you, or at least appear that way; you'll seem less dreamy and more "normal" when you need to be.
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I try but find it very difficult. Ultimately, if I try any harder I'd be crossing the line between trying and being phony.

I am very dreamy. In school people would be worried about how unresponsive I am. My friends say my face seems to have no connection to my feelings and I look always unimpressed.

Julia, I get number that 2 a lot. I do not treat people differently because of their status or their importance. If they get upset about that then frankly, they are arrogant.
 
Well, don't try to be something you're not. Just notice the world around you before you socialize. Take note of things. Hone in on people -- what are they wearing, how are they acting, what's going on (what's exciting, what's not, where's the point of interest?) And don't contemplate on it -- observe quickly, don't think about it, and let it draw your attention outward. Focus on your senses and the outside world

That will bring out more of your extroverted functions -- it'll make you more receptive. It won't really change how you act, but it'll make you more aware of your surroundings and make you less "dreamy" before you interact. That'll help you be out there without really needing to pretend -- it won't be perfect or anything, but it's a start.
 
i see what you mean, but it seems like a very complicated thing to do in practice
 
mallory knox said:
i see what you mean, but it seems like a very complicated thing to do in practice
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It may seem complicated but it does not have to be. There are a lot of pleasant ways you can develop sensory perception: dancing, drawing, photography, sewing, sports etc. If people watching is a bit overwhelming you can turn off the sound during the movie and observe what's happening.

Ask the people around you why don't they understand you. In most cases it can be easily fixed.
 
well, i would say most people don't understand me but they find it endearing and they don't have a problem with me.

however, there are some people who are so against people who are intuitive or not simple enough they just develop a hatred towards you? I guess that's it.

especially people who operate based on their instincts like: if you say something i don't agree with i don't like you, if you're not like me i don't like you, if you did something wrong then you're always wrong.

or simple double standarts like, their moral principles only apply to the ones they aren't close with, you know bias.
 
Julia said:
I get misunderstood and have tried to analyze some of the reasons.

1. It bothers me, and so I might remember those occasions more than the average person would who also gets misunderstood. I do feel awful when I accidentally hurt someone.

2. I'm oblivious to certain social dynamics involving ego and dominance and so accidentally offend people in positions of social power who are expecting to be treated differently than other people because of their status.

3. I tend to have a positive baseline assumption about people, and so subconsciously expect that from others. I don't start with the assumption of guilty until proven innocent for myself or others. I can forget to provide the information to make the case that my intentions are positive.

4. I forget that people are afraid that I am thinking negatively about them and so don't reassure them that my thoughts are positive. They can then assume the worst based on their own fears about others misunderstanding them.
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Yes, i find those points very true in myself and a lightbulb went off when i read those, especially 1 and 3.
 
All the time. You've all made a lot of points I can relate to, but to add a few more of my own:

-When I want to be alone, people think I'm mad or sad...when I'm neither.
-When I don't smile (or look happy -according to some people), they think I'm either mad or sad...when I'm neither.
-Sometimes when I say things, people think I'm mad...when I'm not; it's usually the way I say it that gets misinterpreted. These three usually happen with my family.

-When I don't talk to someone, they think I don't like them, I'm ignoring them or I'm just being rude when it's not like that at all. With this, it's manly my shyness that often gets misread.
-And then I don't always say how I feel and I tend to keep things to myself, and people always end up making assumptions. But of course, that's no one's fault but mine.
 
I'm right there with you. I have close friends that get so frustrated, even downright angry with me because of the fact I can't really accept things at surface value. One of my friends described it as me, "... drowning everything in meaning." It hurts, and it really makes me feel isolated but... It is something that I guess I can overcome.

Having this weight of being misunderstood is beneficial in some ways. It just is a matter of getting that epiphany that will allow you to use your perceived "handicap" in a beneficial way.
 
Also, people don't understand that if I don't approve of their actions it doesn't mean my feelings towards them have changed.
 
[YOUTUBE]d2FT4FprxDg[/YOUTUBE]

I know a song was already posted... but well.. the title of the thread made me think of it, and I wanted to post this.... so here's another one.....

:D
 
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It might be something to do with the INFj's high standards for people. Like, you expect people to understand you because you understand them or treat you how you treat them. But it has to be taken into ccount that everyone is different and has different value systems. I have found that people are at first intimidated by me because of my quiet exterior (I think I'm actually quite loud, but I've been told I talk slowly and quietly) and I do tend to hold back around strangers, as I've heard is the INFJ way.
Maybe you need to practice giving responses through expressions or body language (though I think body language is a silly theory) as you said someone commented on that. It can scare people when others don't react the way they expect. Imagine telling a joke and someone staring at you, straight-faced. It's uncomfortable.
But then, those who are not prepared to get to know you past your exterior are probably not worth knowing.
 
Apparently, all great artists are. That makes me feel a little bit better. But not much.
 
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