Friend Zone

Tamagochi said:
I would tend to disagree - at least for the male side of the fence. Simply put if I do have feelings for a certain girl but I'm restricted to "just friends" then how can I ever be true? Men are visual - they know what they want when they see it and they don't need a safety zone at all.
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Yes, but if the friend in question also happens to be interested in you, even at a later stage of the friendship, this "friend zone" is not going to apply. It's not some universal blockade. Most people, when they think of 'friend zone,' they think: Oh no! *rain cloud, thunder clap!* Its never going to happen NOW!

I've breached the friend zone before with my last boyfriend (actually, it was worse: he was both a friend AND a housemate). And I've also had nearly all of my previous boyfriends before him break the friend zone with me. They were just upfront about their attraction. Some I didn't see working at all and turned them down with minimal awkwardness. Some I thought, well... yeah, okay... and ended up dating for a few months.

It really depends on how you go about it. If you or the other person are prone to idiotic dramatics, then yeah, it has the potential to become an unnecessarily awkward mess. If you're both intelligent, collected people, on the other hand, it could all go off without a hitch.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
Yes, but if the friend in question also happens to be interested in you, even at a later stage of the friendship, this "friend zone" is not going to apply. It's not some universal blockade. Most people, when they think of 'friend zone,' they think: Oh no! *rain cloud, thunder clap!* Its never going to happen NOW!

I've breached the friend zone before with my last boyfriend (actually, it was worse: he was both a friend AND a housemate). And I've also had nearly all of my previous boyfriends before him break the friend zone with me. They were just upfront about their attraction. Some I didn't see working at all and turned them down with minimal awkwardness. Some I thought, well... yeah, okay... and ended up dating for a few months.

It really depends on how you go about it. If you or the other person are prone to idiotic dramatics, then yeah, it has the potential to become an unnecessarily awkward mess. If you're both intelligent, collected people, on the other hand, it could all go off without a hitch.
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your views are pretty good! think he may be in reference to the man trap of once you find them physical attractive you'll probably make a move just on the basis of physical attraction, rather than been emotional right for each other

well alot of guys I know anyhow! but I agree with your views on the friend zone
 
gloomy-optimist said:
The only issue with my friend zones is that they're always awkwardly weird. Not awkward for us, perhaps, but awkward in the idea -- we're usually affectionate, teetering somewhere between friend and lover, but without any real sexual content.

But it gets hard to tell who's interested and who's not, and who's confused and who's not, and who wants it but is afraid to take the next step, etc.

For the most part, I don't mind the friend zone, cuz I love having friends. Once that confusion gets involved, though, it gets messy.
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I'd penis you.
 
smiffy said:
your views are pretty good! think he may be in reference to the man trap of once you find them physical attractive you'll probably make a move just on the basis of physical attraction, rather than been emotional right for each other

well alot of guys I know anyhow! but I agree with your views on the friend zone
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Thanks smiffy.

And who says friends can't engage in a strictly physical relationship if the attraction is mutual? It happens a lot more often than most people think.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that there are no real rules that anyone can set down when it comes to relationships, physical, romantic, or otherwise. It only confuses the hell out of people, and catapults them back into sixth grade enroute the self-help isle. He/she did this. What does it MEAN?!

Every person and every case is different. These sorts of relationship laws don't apply to everyone. The only thing that can be considered universal across all boards is if both parties are interested, and ready and willing to take things to whatever the next level might entail.

So go! Don't let abstract, pseudo-sociological theories and barriers stop you from happiness.
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
Yes, but if the friend in question also happens to be interested in you, even at a later stage of the friendship, this "friend zone" is not going to apply. It's not some universal blockade. Most people, when they think of 'friend zone,' they think: Oh no! *rain cloud, thunder clap!* Its never going to happen NOW!
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We are speaking of quite different situations here :) The one I was referring to has the following pattern:
  1. The guy gets attraction towards the girl he has just recently met but she has no interest in him.
  2. He tries to get her attention by giving his attention. She might like that initially.
  3. The guy tries to ask the girl on a date and gets the famous "no but let's just be friends" answer.
  4. Anything that unlucky guy tries to pull off after that will be met with stronger resistance than klingon force field.

If the relationship before was one of a genuine friendship and mutual attraction sparked along the way then yes - it's possible to break from friends to lovers.
 
Tamagochi said:
We are speaking of quite different situations here :) The one I was referring to has the following pattern:
  1. The guy gets attraction towards the girl he has just recently met but she has no interest in him.
  2. He tries to get her attention by giving his attention. She might like that initially.
  3. The guy tries to ask the girl on a date and gets the famous "no but let's just be friends" answer.
  4. Anything that unlucky guy tries to pull off after that will be met with stronger resistance than klingon force field.
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Ah. I see what you mean now. Thanks for clarifying.

Hmm. I'm trying to rack my brain here, but I honestly can't think of any insight I can offer into this situation that wouldn't ultimately backfire. This 'friend zone' phenomena is admittedly an amiable way to resolve the problem of unrequited feelings, but still make a, well, friend. Compared to the alternatives, is it really that bad?

Mind you, I still maintain that if someone is not interested, there is little that you can do to change their minds. There's no 'formula' you can really follow to prevent this from happening either--not one that isn't downright manipulative, anyway.

But I have bias. I just have a general problem with some of those "dating manuals" out there and the advice they give. "The Rules" and "The Game" are two that I've had the pleasure of thumbing through. One gives you instructions on how to snag a husband, the other gives you tips on how to get a woman into bed. The whole 'ends justify the means' thing just doesn't sit well with me. Especially when you're trying to manipulate another person's emotions to gratify your own needs.

Then again, that's just me.
 
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Tamagochi said:
  1. The guy gets attraction towards the girl he has just recently met but she has no interest in him.
  2. He tries to get her attention by giving his attention. She might like that initially.
  3. The guy realizes that the girl is really awesome too in addition to being physically attractive. This raises his attraction to new heights.
  4. The guy tries to ask the girl on a date and gets the famous "no but let's just be friends" answer.
  5. Anything that unlucky guy tries to pull off after that will be met with stronger resistance than klingon force field.
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Don't discount the particular cruelty that ensues due to the friend zone as opposed to an initial rejection.
 
HaHa said:
Don't discount the particular cruelty that ensues due to the friend zone as opposed to an initial rejection.
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You're right, and I think most of us definitely can relate to that. Pining after someone, knowing you can't have them even while they're sitting right beside you, is definitely painful, but again, if they've made up their minds, there's little you can do. You can either remove yourself from the situation completely, or you hang in there, hoping it'll change (note: it rarely does).

Mind, there may come a time when you're on the other side of the fence, and you're being pursued by someone you aren't interested in. Being in those shoes isn't a walk in the park either; especially if you enjoy their company but don't want to lead them on or hurt their feelings.

Out of curiosity, what sort of advice would you guys give to someone in that position?
 
TheDaringHatTrick said:
You're right, and I think most of us definitely can relate to that. Pining after someone, knowing you can't have them even while they're sitting right beside you, is definitely painful, but again, if they've made up their minds, there's little you can do. You can either remove yourself from the situation completely, or you hang in there, hoping it'll change (note: it rarely does).

Mind, there may come a time when you're on the other side of the fence, and you're being pursued by someone you aren't interested in. Being in those shoes isn't a walk in the park either; especially if you enjoy their company but don't want to lead them on or hurt their feelings.

Out of curiosity, what sort of advice would you guys give to someone in that position?
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I gave my advice earlier which was to not get into these situations by simply being honest about your intentions with the girl you're pursuing from nearly the moment you meet her. (THE moment is best, but I understand shyness) For those who actually are in the zone currently, I don't know what to tell you. But hopefully someone else does. Just don't keep making the same decisions if you see that they don't turn out well.
 
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