Family - parents and infj child?

[Jana]

Maybe that was similar topic. I know it was some poll, but I want to hear your experiences. Stories.
I suspect that my parents are ISFJ mum and INTP dad. Both caring and I've really had nice childhood. As in any family there are some issues that run through. In our family mum was always dominant one, practical one, while dad is more "thinker", he likes talking about theories and yet, he has problem with different views. He is funny and warm, but sometimes not with feet on ground
Mum is regular caring ISFJ who wants to see her childern happy, but that "happy" is only her vision of happiness. So, she pushes her opinions very stubornly... I used to be frustrated when I was younger because she did not understand my fascination with some things. I always like to write and etc., but she never understand while I am extatic by that. For her reading, writing and interpetating are just hobbies. For me it is way of thinking. I am aware that she will never understand me in that area and I know why, because of that practical SJ way of living. But anyway, I guess we can't be old enough (and I am over 30 to not expect approval of one we respect.
How do you stand on that one? Do you care what your parents think of your way of live? Do their opinions still affect you? Is this Fe thing or what?

 

[Neuropedia]

my moms an esfj, and dads an istp
my mom sounds alot like yours, dads not around much...
I always wanted to protect my parents from the things that hurt me

 

[Jana]

I always wanted to protect my parents from the things that hurt me

Yes, I mean, right now the only thing I want to say them is just the thing that would hurt them, so it is better to be quiet. They just woul get it wrong...

 

[Neuropedia]

I have an ENFJ friend who did this as well
she had alot of surgeries growing up, and I think she was always afraid to tell them how much it messed her up, because she thought they'd feel bad

 

[Galileo]

How do you stand on that one? Do you care what your parents think of your way of live? Do their opinions still affect you? Is this Fe thing or what?

Having been separated from my parents before I really grew up, I find that I value their opinions much much less than most of the people I know.
That doesn't mean that their opinions mean nothing to me, I actually am quite effected by my mother's atitude toward me and what I do. I have never been able to please her, this isn't saying that she thinks I'm unintelligent or that I have achieved nothing, because she knows that I have, but instead she views what I do as me trying to rub her nose in the dirt about what a bad parent she was.

Her constant criticisms of me do hurt, I just choose not to rise to her game on them or argue with her because I know it's what she wants.

I think deep down she is proud of me, but she hates admiting it. I've got the life she never had, so she spends her time criticising my husband and our relationship, when she knows full well I'm going to be the one living a good life in Switzerland while she's stuck in government housing earning a crappy wage and alone.


and I think she knows that, because she knows I'm not going to come back and dedicate time to caring for her because she has given me no reason to. Other family members who she treats much better and more respectfully than she has ever treated me can have that pleasure. I love my mother, but I do not like her.

 

[Chamomile]

My parents don't understand me much at all and they kind of attribute most of my 'unusual' qualities (almost all are typical INFJ qualities) as being a black sheep, failure, or whatever. It makes for a complicated relationship with each, but I don't trust their actual opinions at all. My dad is a paranoid sociopath and my mom never followed her dreams or gut instincts and lets people walk all over her.

That said, I still find myself caring about their approval in that seemingly unavoidable way, but taking their opinion of what is a good choice into account would just be really freakin' dumb of me.

It took me a long time to separate the two, but I finally have it down!

 

[TigersGoRAWR]

Hm, well, Dad and I were very similar really. We argued a lot, only because we were so similar. xD
My mum.... She understands me in some areas and some not. She doesnt understand why I dont like to wear make up or do anything special with my hair xD I get the impression she wants me to be more... out-going, as in, go out with friends more, go to more parties etc. But thats not...really me. I go out with my friends but not very very often, and I avoid parties because I dislike all the drugs, alcohol etc etc. I get very panicky with parties. I suppose I dont go out very often with my friends because Im quite anxious socially, so I feel a bit lost when I do xD

 

[sweetea]

I'm new to this MBI stuff... but my mom is a self proclaimed INFJ (very true! She's an EXTREME Infj...with much intensity).... and I think my dad is an ISTJ (he may be a bit "N" at times...but VERY "J").

I really have no idea how this impacted me as the INFJ... so I"ll be watching this thread. I'll have to think about all this...how they interacted together...interacted with us kids... and how it all effected me.

 

[Firefly]

I dont have a good relationship with my parents at all, I feel they cant be bothered with me, I dont get invited to do family things, I think they think I dont care, or I dont want to come, but I do, however when I do I feel im in the way and im looked down at.

I left when I was 19 and have never moved back. Although now I live 3 doors away, i see them maybe once or twice a month, whats hurts most is their lack of interest in their grandchildren. Im wanting to move away soon.

 

[randomsomeone]

I was lucky because apparently...when I was in the second grade (back in the early 60s), a school evaluator had an interview session with me and afterward said to my Mom, "Don't ever try to change that boy!" She didn't....and apparently she and Dad applied the same advise to my sibs.

 

[dream echo]

I feel as though I could write a book here....

I pretty much figure my dad is ISTJ and my mom is INTJ or ISFJ; I'm not even sure...she's so hard to read. They were good providers.

My parents were abusive...physically and emotionally. Dad was always working and unavailable even when he was around. Mom was also too busy, even when she was a homemaker in my early childhood.

They seemed to me to be perfect, and I guess I got the idea if I couldn't do everything well that I was a failure. I also became sure in time that they didn't really care about me or what I thought, just their own ideas of what they thought I should be.

The voice of my father is the one that says, "That's foolish," accompanied by a head-shake of disparaging frustration. Spending my time writing poems or in a diary, daydreaming, re-reading Wuthering Heights for the sixth time...all foolish. I can't bring myself to ask him why; he'd likely want an explanation why I do these things, and I can't explain it in a logical way that his practical mind would understand.

The voice of my mother is the one that says, "You don't want ." You don't want to be a ballerina, you don't want the Indians to spearfish, you don't want a black refrigerator. When I've asked why I don't want these things, she goes silent, then changes the subject.

They want me to be happy... on their terms. I have felt myself to be a failure because I wasn't like them. So I try to go on, with or without their approval. I still backslide, just because I hate dissension. But they don't see the world as I do. The things they want for me I don't want for myself. What makes them happy isn't what makes me happy. They may not be able to accept this, but I must.

 

[Siamese cat]

I was lucky because apparently...when I was in the second grade (back in the early 60s), a school evaluator had an interview session with me and afterward said to my Mom, "Don't ever try to change that boy!" She didn't....and apparently she and Dad applied the same advise to my sibs.

My dad decided for himself that he would never try to change me, but I wish that he or somebody else told my mother that. She is still trying.

 

[Divine Wannabee]

i am an INFJ
my mother is an ISFP
my father is an ENFJ

i was raised with an ISTP first cousin-Peter(means Rock)
and an INTP second cousin (very close)-Francis(means Free man)
also From 9+ a Very good friend - INTJ preference (genious is an understatement)-Wetini
and another good friend of ENTP preference-Mike
13+ gained another friend of INTJ preference-Brandon
and an ISTJ additional friend - Thomas
All of which were Interrelationships(close knit)

because of this interaction
to my INFJ preference (tends to identify with others i perceive)
i have gained various perspectives from numerous sources(close knit relationships)
and have concluded - we are all right / and we are all wrong from a technical perspective
but from a perspective of love, Our theological inconsistancies are a positive Expression of humanness
and rather irelevant, to the cause that love implies



wasnt going anywhere with this just sharing

 

[WellNoWonder]

I feel as though I could write a book here....

I pretty much figure my dad is ISTJ and my mom is INTJ or ISFJ; I'm not even sure...she's so hard to read. They were good providers.

My parents were abusive...physically and emotionally. Dad was always working and unavailable even when he was around. Mom was also too busy, even when she was a homemaker in my early childhood.

They seemed to me to be perfect, and I guess I got the idea if I couldn't do everything well that I was a failure. I also became sure in time that they didn't really care about me or what I thought, just their own ideas of what they thought I should be.

The voice of my father is the one that says, "That's foolish," accompanied by a head-shake of disparaging frustration. Spending my time writing poems or in a diary, daydreaming, re-reading Wuthering Heights for the sixth time...all foolish. I can't bring myself to ask him why; he'd likely want an explanation why I do these things, and I can't explain it in a logical way that his practical mind would understand.

The voice of my mother is the one that says, "You don't want ." You don't want to be a ballerina, you don't want the Indians to spearfish, you don't want a black refrigerator. When I've asked why I don't want these things, she goes silent, then changes the subject.

They want me to be happy... on their terms. I have felt myself to be a failure because I wasn't like them. So I try to go on, with or without their approval. I still backslide, just because I hate dissension. But they don't see the world as I do. The things they want for me I don't want for myself. What makes them happy isn't what makes me happy. They may not be able to accept this, but I must.

Sounds a bit like my folks..I think my dad is ExTJ though and my mother IxFJ. They did and said similar things. In fact, the "You don't want..." phrase is a favorite of my mother's, lol. As I've mentioned before, I distance myself, which is how we maintain a peaceful relationship. Recently, I've started doing everything that I wanted to do but did not, because their voices were always in the background of my mind, disapproving of my crazy ideas. I really think they were trying to protect me, but I believe parents shouldn't protect their children so much that they fail to individually develop.

My father still says to me, "You WILL do this," and I tell him, "Dang, Daddy, you don't have any type of manners!"


Then he rephrases after I've called him on it...

Parents are cute sometimes.

 

[Lucifer]

Mum is regular caring ISFJ who wants to see her childern happy, but that "happy" is only her vision of happiness.

*Eye twitch*

I can relate, my mom is an ISFJ and doesn't approve of my choices and lifestyle. Any decision that she wouldn't also make is considered a bad one. It's frustrating and a tad selfish, like her wants and needs are more important than mine. She tries to live through me and I am tired of it. I used to let her I used to let her completely dictate my decisions cause I thought it would make her happy, it didn't and now I have wasted a lot of time living for someone else.

That and when I was little my mom had a pretty serious untreated thyroid disorder. For that reason she was always angry, never abusive but always angry. Like she'd snap over small things me and my sisters would always have to walk on eggshells around her. It was pretty tense all the time growing up.

I can't exactly blame her for the thyroid thing but boy do I ever want too!

How do you stand on that one? Do you care what your parents think of your way of live? Do their opinions still affect you? Is this Fe thing or what?

My mothers opinions don't really effect anymore me as I've successfully flown the coup and don't let her live through me. Sometimes I really wish I was less of a disappointment to her though and don't tell me that isn't true she intimated to me as much.

I know I am not an INFJ (like duh lol) but the rant in me compelled me to post.