Corrupt A Wish

[Tin Man]

Well, you know how it goes: to make a cyborg, you need a body. You thought "hey, this private science lab needs body donations for a new research program in robotic/engineering experimentation; Imma do it!" But you didn't read the fine print in the contract, and now the scientists are performing horrific experiments on you until you die. Then they rebuild you as a cyborg. Even more unfortunate, you didn't bother reading what kind of cyborg they were building. But look on the bright side: you're the new cutting-edge advancement in toilet cleaning technology!

I wish I could talk to animals.

Well, as long as I'm not a Geisha Cyborg.

You get to talk with the animals, walk with the animals; grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals. Unfortunately everyone thinks you're crazy so they send you to an insane asylum.

I wish I was a Japanese anime character.

 

[Rcs6r]

Well, as long as I'm not a Geisha Cyborg.

I could change it to that, if you wish.



This is who you become:

[video=youtube_share;1Ltipe9Jf74]http://youtu.be/1Ltipe9Jf74[/video]

I wish I could come up with a better wish.

 

[knight in battle]

Granted. I teach you one day and you can read anything in Russian but perhaps, not understand what you read lol

I want better glutes ound:

You get your better glutes. Now everyone at the gym stare your way.

I wish I fulfilled all my new year resolutions.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

You get your better glutes. Now everyone at the gym stare your way.

I wish I fulfilled all my new year resolutions.

Granted. But you quickly realise that you hadn't previously fulfilled your resolutions because deep down you never wanted to, so there is only a brief satisfaction, followed by depression.

I wish people would mind their own business.

 

[knight in battle]

Granted. But you quickly realise that you hadn't previously fulfilled your resolutions because deep down you never wanted to, so there is only a brief satisfaction, followed by depression.

I wish people would mind their own business.

Granted - They mind their own business. They ignore you and never talk to you or even so much as look at you, even when you try to be friendly. And they don't show you any kindness when you want it.

I wish I had a pick-up truck.

 

[SlowUpTake]

Granted, but you stole it and you have been in jail for grand theft auto for the last eleven years

I wish I could see the future.

 

[just me]

I wish I could see the future.

Fine, but how will you enjoy today's gifts while seeing tomorrow's problems?

I wish there were no more sickness and no more disease.

 

[just me]

Granted, but that may be a very long time coming.

I wish I could get others to understand me.

 

[InfernoMink]

Granted but only bed bugs understand you and since they are bed bugs, they can’t help you with real world issues, they only know what mattress brand tastes better.

I wish I could start a pancake syrup club.

 

[aeon]

I wish I could start a pancake syrup club

Granted, but the syrup is squeezed from bedbugs.

I wish I could die in my sleep.

 

[InfernoMink]

I wish I could die in my sleep.

Granted, you die every night but the love from someone you never have met is so strong, that it keeps forcing your life force to live another day.

I wish the box of condoms came with a sandwich, for after.

 

[aeon]

Granted, but the condiments for the sandwich have been replaced with the lubricant from the condoms.

I wish ladybugs presented in the full rainbow of colors.

 

[InfernoMink]

I wish ladybugs presented in the full rainbow of colors.

Granted but only from methane rainbows found on Saturn’s moon Titan, so basically colorless.

I wish I had a cloaking device like the Predator creature, so I could easily scratch my balls in public at will.

 

[aeon]

Granted, but the power of the cloaking is such that you cannot find your balls, even as your desire to scratch builds.

I wish I could stop time such that when it all becomes too much, I can gather my wits and catch my breath.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Granted, but the power of the cloaking is such that you cannot find your balls, even as your desire to scratch builds.

I wish I could stop time such that when it all becomes too much, I can gather my wits and catch my breath.

You age by an hour for every minute that time is stopped.

I wish I had dumpy cargo pants that magically adjust to my endless fluctuations in weight.

 

[Matty]

I wish I had dumpy cargo pants that magically adjust to my endless fluctuations in weight.

Granted, but it adjusts so perfectly, it resembles Lycra or spandex. Also, the pockets don't adjust, and the Velcro doesn't work, so the pockets just sag open like a couple of mouths on either leg.

I wish my garden would preternaturally always be healthy and free from weeds, without any effort or watering.

 

[Elder]

I wish my garden would preternaturally always be healthy and free from weeds, without any effort or watering.

Granted, but you can never harvest anything because it is now all encased in acrylic.

I wish that everything I think or say is wise and just.

 

[aeon]

Granted, as you have been rendered vegetative and mute.

I wish each and every human being had the opportunity to live in a secular state under a godless constitution.

 

[just me]

Granted, but there are few takers. You can find your state on Mars.

I wish I had more wishes, as one was not enough.

 

[Elder]

Granted, you have unlimited wishes, but the granting of the wishes is not included.

I wish I everyday could be hiking in nature without a single bug bite.