In my humble opinion, the whole "BITCH = Babe In Total Control of Herself' is frequently misunderstood and abused. The chicks who put this glittery bumper sticker on their Facebook are usually the ones who mistake an aggressive personality for a confident one. And they usually adopt this attitude because they are convinced it will protect them from the heartbreak and disappointment of being a doormat. However, if you look closely, these 'Babes in Total Control of [Themselves]' often have the exact same problems as the doormats.
Why? Because more often than not, they're really just a doormat in a bitch's clothing. They're still drawn to the kinds of relationships and situations that come from a deep, dark place of insecurity and they ardently believe they can just change the outcome by following some kind of Bitch Manual.
The thing is, if you are highly reactive and either overtly or passively aggressive, you are not in control of yourself. If you feel you have to regularly dose someone with carefully timed bitchy negativity so that they won't leave you/disrespect you, you are not in control of yourself. When you feel like you have to manipulate or bully people into acting in ways to validate your self-worth, you are not in control of yourself. You're still depending on others to shape the way you feel about yourself. You're a slave to your ego. And if your ego isn't healthy, you are going to find life to be a struggle because most people will see right through your ruse. Not only that, most people won't like you. And all it will take is something or somebody to put a wrench in your coping mechanism and suddenly, you will be left with a lot of pieces to pick up. Personally, I don't know any 'bitches' that know how to fall gracefully, but I do know a lot of people who enjoy watching someone like that crash and burn.
I'm not saying that someone who is a bitch cannot succeed. As @
Wyote pointed out, there are many different traits that are important to success that sometimes overlap with what is
perceived to be bitchy. And frankly, I think
anyone has a chance of succeeding if they have a good blend of achieving traits and can stand to knock on the door of success enough times without giving up. But some people can achieve success more consistently and elegantly without having to bruise themselves or the people around them.
In my opinion, it is more important to strive for positive self-esteem and a healthy ego. People with positive self-esteem and healthy egos choose relationships and situations that move them towards positive growth. These kinds of people are more likeable, they have charisma and other happy, healthy and positive people want to be around them. A person with healthy self esteem doesn't feel like they have to have something/someone to complete them. They take things at face value rather than reacting from a place of fear. They don't feel the need to control others or follow some kind of guide or school themselves to act a certain way. Their reactions come from an authentic place within themselves. If they need to speak up for themselves, they do. If they know a situation or person is not good for them, they trust they will find a better fit and let it go. In general, they have a clearer understanding of what they want, what they need to do, who they are, where they fit in the world around them and thus, are in a better position to navigate this life.
tl;dr: it's better to cultivate a genuine sense of personal strength and self-worth rather than adopt an attitude that pretends at it because that won't stamp out the problems of low self esteem and what they attract.
