Young love vs. "mature" love | INFJ Forum

Young love vs. "mature" love

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Soulful, Aug 19, 2012.

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  1. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    MBTI:
    How would you describe some differences between the dating mentality you had when you were younger, probably high-school/young adult ages, and a more mature take on love that may have come with time/experience?

    Or, perhaps better put, have there been many differences?

    How does INFJ take on relationships change over the years? Is this the same as many other types, or do INFJs approach love/dating differently even from a young age?

    (I put an age range in the post to clarify what I mean, but interpret the words young vs. mature as you will. Age can be pretty meaningless.)
     
  2. JGirl

    JGirl no chocolate flavored gum? wow

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    i think young love is based on more romanticized ideals of the future, whereas mature love takes on a more realistic approach.
    it's all about life experiences and what you learn or draw from them that make the difference, in my opinion.

    p.s. i won't comment on specific personality types due to the fact that i don't believe they can be pidgeonholed that way.
     
  3. OP
    Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    [MENTION=4855]JGirl[/MENTION]

    I know it probably sounds eye-roll worthy to try to group them in that way, but given the "idealistic" nature of NFs, are they perhaps not more likely to engage in unrealistic notions of love, particularly NFPs?
     
  4. OP
    Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    As an example, I never understood the screaming/crying girls at fan concerts and "meet the fan" events. I remember being 13, then 15, 17, etc. and wondering how you could feel that strongly for someone you didn't know. I've always been extremely careful about love and about the idea of love, maybe because there's so much potential for hurt and disappointment, but also because I've always known what I wanted and didn't want to expand the energy for something someone wasn't able or willing to give. So I think my take on love has always been extremely analyzed and rational in nature, much more so than my approach to anything else in my life, because I don't see the point in trying to start something that's not going to go anywhere, or invest myself in someone that will only end up being a waste of time and a ball of pain...
    None of this has really changed over the years, except I've become more forgiving of people and have had to learn to become stronger so that I could risk more and cope better when I opened my heart to others.
     
  5. JGirl

    JGirl no chocolate flavored gum? wow

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    i think the screaming fan mentality is more about infectious adrenaline. people get caught up in a monsoon of emotion and just let it go lol

    i think each type has it's distinctive tendancies, but they are just that - tendancies, not really givens in every case. this is why i don't attach a great deal of importance to them.
    there are too many independent variables to consider
     
  6. Gaze

    Gaze My word . . . hmm
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    mature love is not something that naturally happens, it's often meant to develop over a period of time, learning, growth with a partner. Few reach it because we are in a "me, me, me" society which focuses on what I need, what I can get, or what is this person going to do for me. Mature love is about "us" not me. And both partners need to be "us" oriented for mature love to have a chance.
     
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  7. ImpureHedonism

    ImpureHedonism Community Member

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    Probably 5w4 or 5w6
    I'd rather phrase "mature" as "matured" love, where people see each other least part of their lives, rather than people that incidentally are near each other. This doesn't have to be romantic love - whatever THAT is.
     
  8. Apone

    Apone Permanent Fixture

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    It's the same difference between play and work.

    Playing is fun and can make you happy or even ecstatic... but it's also very light and can be frivolous, and you tend to get too wrapped up in how you feel and not pay attention to/recognize the things that are probably going to tear you apart.

    When you work on something, and really work... as in dedicate a lot of time and effort and creativity and make a lot of sacrifices in order to make something that lasts and is of high quality, and you both know that you worked hard to get to where you are, then that's probably the most satisfying feeling there is. It sounds miserable, but not if you're doing it because it's something you love doing.

    So yeah, mature love is best.
     
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  9. this is only temporary

    this is only temporary Community Member

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    Love is just.... love. You love someone, and you behave accordingly. Simple. (Sorry, I honestly don't get all the work/sacrifice/old/young stuff...) It's not torture, it's fun, actually, at least that's been my experience.

    Maybe it gets a little less obsessive as you get older, and less about sex maybe, I suppose it does, and there are usually more responsibilities, and you focus more on practical things and less on silly manipulative games. Less drama as you get older,
    usually, which is refreshing.

    P.S. To explain better, Work: dragging your ass out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to do things you don’t particularly want to do and be around people you don’t particularly want to be around, and do it all for a paycheck or some kind of compensation.

    Love, at any age:
    FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE OWNING A DOG
    First of all, it's a big responsibility,
    especially in a city like New York.
    So think long and hard before deciding on love.
    On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
    when you're walking down the street late at night
    and you have a leash on love
    ain't no one going to mess with you.
    Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
    Who knows what love could do in its own defense?

    On cold winter nights, love is warm.
    It lies between you and lives and breathes
    and makes funny noises.
    Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
    It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

    Love doesn't like being left alone for long.
    But come home and love is always happy to see you.
    It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
    but you can never be mad at love for long.

    Is love good all the time? No! No!
    Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

    Love makes messes.
    Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
    Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
    Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
    Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
    and swat love on the nose,
    not so much to cause pain,
    just to let love know Don't you ever do that again!

    Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
    Because love loves exercise.
    It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
    It pulls you in several different directions at once,
    or winds around and around you
    until you're all wound up and can't move.

    But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
    People who have nothing in common but love
    stop and talk to each other on the street.

    Throw things away and love will bring them back,
    again, and again, and again.
    But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
    And in return, love loves you and never stops.
     
    #9 this is only temporary, Aug 21, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2012
  10. CindyLou

    CindyLou Get over it

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    I never understood that either, but I was never much into worshiping anyone.

    I can relate to your posts but in a backwards way. When I was younger, I would only date people I considered marriage material. Only recently, did I allow myself into relationships I knew wouldn't work but I still opened my heart up almost 100% (as much as an INFJ can) KNOWING it would be broken...yet somehow I'm still not broken. I'm living life backwards...but I thought about that and I'm okay with it. I like doing things upside down and backwards. ;)
     
  11. the

    the Si master race.
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    When you are young and dating, you are looking to satisfy your lusts. When you are old and still dating you are in it to not be alone when you die. When you are old you are less picky in a way because you know there arent many fish left, yet you are more picky because you are a lonely and bitter old person.
     
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  12. Lit

    Lit Newbie

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    young love was more free and open. every relationship since my first important one has sort of made me a bit more jaded and closed off... so with age came cynicism for me. unfortunately.
     
  13. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    I would say mature love is a conscious love. Based on reality, mutual respect and understanding. Mature love usually requires both people to be more giving, enduring in the face of the real life situations. Mature love can withstand time and difficulties. Mature love is a bond not just on the level of romantic notions, but being friends, partners, frenemies as well as passionate lovers. Mature love requires lot of effort and giving to establish. It's possible to develop a mature love but it will require so much from both individuals that if they cannot give more than what they think they can give; then it will never evolve or grow. Real mature love tests individuals; forces them to rise up away from one's comfort zones to establish new areas of experience. Mature love requires a lot of awareness on the individual path. Mature love gets tested in the everyday reality of existence and completely based on living in the moment and appreciating another's soul for what it is rather than what it could be.

    Young love is desire for experience.

    Young love is really a process of owning one's subconscious desires and attraction. Attraction is completely a subconscious manifestation and we have no choice in it. Hence so many young lovers are mostly in pain and suffering from infatuation, desire for something there that cannot be named. The more one can bring forth what is in their darker subconscious psyche more one can become clear about what they need in a relationship and what real love is versus imaginary wishful love.

    i think young love is meant to teach lessons for individual growth. :m109:
     
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  14. Vict

    Vict mechanical and habitual agent

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    Tolerance and patience are a key difference.
     
  15. limegreentree

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    there's a difference in the way that young people would deal with their love and the way older people would deal with their love but the two loves are exactly the same - love is love, regardless of age.
     
  16. CindyLou

    CindyLou Get over it

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    whats the difference
     
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