I have always found the word cheated as used in this context to be both curious and annoying. "Cheated" as if they have gained some elusive prize. The idea that a relationship is nothing more than to keep the partner "locked" into a singular relationship not because they want to be that way but because they HAVE to.
In the end it comes down to the two people involved and should have nothing to do with what others say at all.
For myself the reason would matter.
I agree with your comment about the word "cheating". :nod: I never used that word - never liked the word - and for the reasoning you propose.
Back when I was going through the betrayal process I encountered all sorts of publications and interviews as to "why" people seek an extramarital affair. I don't remember all of the details....because essentially they don't matter....but it basically boiled down to this: When asked the "reason" why they had an affair even though they were basically in a good marriage - the respondents most often didn't know the reason why.
This is where I think our subconscious mind comes in to play. I know you all would agree we sometimes do things even though we tell ourselves we shouldn't. How many times have we eaten that pint of ice cream when we know we shouldn't? How many times have we purchased an item outside of our budget when we had previously told ourselves we would stay inside the budget? The list is endless....
In the case of infidelity - we must keep in mind that it is not about us...it's about
them and what they're needing in that moment that you cannot provide for them.
In my husband's case the other woman was an excuse for him to feel empowered by rescuing her. It was all a fantasy....and once I let him go....the fantasy started to fall apart. In other words once he started doing "real world" actions like moving out and setting himself up autonomously he began to see what he was really doing. She had triggered his "need" to be a rescuer. I'm sure you guys know how powerful and rewarding that action can "feel".
You see....we choose our partners based upon needs we have within each other. Keep that in mind. When situations like these come up they are opportunities to discover more about ourselves....our needs....our desires...and what we choose to do with that knowledge. Yes?
In my case - looking back on it - you can clearly see that even though it was terribly painful for me at the time to go through it - it was a tremendous gift of enlightenment and empowerment for me.
I know...I know....you guys think I'm daft....
Still...I am grateful for what has happened to me in my life....including the affair. It has gotten me to where I am today....which is to say I am in JOY with my Self...and life is good.