[INFJ] - Will INFJ ex bf ever forgive or talk to me again? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Will INFJ ex bf ever forgive or talk to me again?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by shrimpfood123, Aug 3, 2019.

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  1. shrimpfood123

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    Help! I need some opinions and perspectives as to what is going on with my INFJ ex bf.

    I'm and INTJ and my ex bf is an INFJ. We've been dating for 2 years now and this is the first special relationship we've ever had. We never met anyone else who had such unique senses of humor, personalities, and interests. We've always thought that no one would ever understand us because we are so different but luckily we found each other through work. This was the most deep and meaningful relationship and we've been so happy.

    My ex bf is extremely sensitive and emotional. He says he can feel what others are feeling sometimes as an INFJ. He came from a broken family who are divorced narcissists. He grow up witnessing his father with multiple women and constantly breaking up with them. I feel like this info might be relevant into understanding my ex.

    We are happy. He even said he's never been happier just 2 weeks ago. However, when it comes to conflicts, he tries to avoid/run from them. I handle things by talking it over and applying solutions. Every fight we've had, he would breakup text me and block my number. Then I would go through hell and back trying to get him to talk to me because I want to work things out. Most of our issues arise from miscommunication and misunderstanding each other. It's after talking things out do we realized how much we misunderstood each other and it was like "Ooohh...I get it now." I begged him for days everytime. He eventually comes around after I'm ready to die from begging.

    We've broken up twice now, not including just recently. Recently, he broke up with me because I got moody during my PMS (I'm assuming. Not sure since he's not talking at all). I got moody this one night during a hang out together and said some passive agressive things. That was my fault. The worst thing is that I didn't apologize the next day and actually forgot about the whole thing because I get over things easily. I know NOW he doesn't. The worse thing is that I didn't talk to him or anyone else for 2 days because I got so caught up with exams and other things going on in my life. Then suddenly, he sends me a single text saying "I love you but this can't go on anymore. I'm leaving your stuff of today. It'll take us time to heal, but we'll be better. Keep working hard, you'll be alright." I immediately sent him texts asking him what is wrong or what is happening. I tried calling him but he had already blocked my number. The day progressively got worse because I later lashed out at him and left him a ton of texts and voicemails on my alternative numbers. That is seriously my bad. I got super emotional and was sad, upset, angry, and confused as hell for everything going on that day.

    I saw him the next day on the street and ran up to him to ask him if I could just get a minute with him to clarify things. He barely gave me eye contact and kept walking. I asked him if he's mad or hates me and he said no. I asked him why he's not talking to me at all and he said that I'm just going to guilt trip or try to force him back with me. Last time he broke up with me, he didn't want to talk to me because he doesn't want to feel bad. Sure, I'd like to be together again but I mainly want to talk to clarify things. He just won't budge. He's really stubborn. I can see him at work as well but we have different schedules so not as often.

    I recently wrote and mailed him a letter detailing my reflections, explanations, clarifying things, admitting my mistakes, and apologizing. I'm not even sure if he has read the letter yet. I'm trying to get him to come to his senses and talk. I know I should let go but this guy is my best friend. And when I have fights with my bff's, we usually talk it over and make-up. Lover or not, I'd still like him to be part of my life even if it's in a little way because he's truly special and rare. INFJ's are rare. But I've never had someone this like... flaky though. Like, I never had someone who bounces the moment there's conflict. The thing is though, I love him and he loves me truly, but how can he find the sense in doing stuff like this?

    Long story short: INFJ ex bf broke up with me through text without any explanation all of a sudden; he doorslammed me. He blocked my number and won't talk to me. He's avoiding me in anyway possible.

    So I'm asking for y'alls opinions. What is going on in his mind and how does he feel right now? I'm trying to understand him. Has me blocked still. I feel like this time, he's trying to cut me out forever. I'm committed to changing and becoming a better person for him to forgive me. And also be on good terms because obviously this guy means a lot to me as a person. Do you think he'll ever come around and/or forgive me? If I give him space would he come back around? I'd also appreciate it if someone wanted to help me out in private.
     
  2. sassafras

    sassafras Well-known member

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    If this is typical of your relationship, where you guys have a fight and you get over it and forget to reach out while he stews about it, he might be feeling like you guys are not a good match. If he's broken up with you before, him blocking you now means that he's ready to move on and he's afraid if you two do get a chance to converse, he'll be talked back into the relationship.

    I'm sorry, love. I think its time to move on.
     
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    #2 sassafras, Aug 4, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2019
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  3. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I'd say maybe best you let him go. He will only continue this pattern with you or every other woman he dates after you. He sounds like he is incapable of maintaining a relationship at this time. Maybe due to his upbringing. Which is sad, but not your problem.

    Also this is not how best friends treat one another. Best friends are able to talk things out. As you stated.
     
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    #3 acd, Aug 4, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2019
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  4. dwr46y

    dwr46y Well-known weirdo

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    Relationship is OVER!
     
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  5. SpecialEdition

    SpecialEdition Well-known member

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    If this is the way he handles conflict or a bad mood or anything outside of perfect happiness then he has a lot of healing to do from his upbringing still and it will be nearly impossible to do that while in a relationship unfortunately.

    I know you want clarity and closure even if it's the end of the relationship but I think you have to leave him be. If you have to beg for days every time he breaks up with you on a whim because he doesn't want to talk it out, that's going to be your life for the rest of your life with him until he addresses the fact that he's gotta learn some healthy coping skills and maybe get some therapy to work through why he is so strongly emotionally reactive to the point he wants to throw away an otherwise solid relationship. I don't think you can help him with that without draining yourself in the process. It's a recipe for a slow build of resentment and it's not your place to teach him a different way of being. He's gotta do that on your own.

    I think it would probably be in your own best interest to let him go. You already recognize where you've made mistakes here but despite that seem to have done your best to get in touch and resolve things. I don't think you can do any more in a manner that is healthy so for now it seems you have to let it go.

    He may come back around after a cooling off period and he may not but it sounds to me like he's got too many unresolved issues to be in a healthy, long term relationship. It's hard to say if he even recognizes that in himself yet.
     
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  6. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    If you're still young, I'd find a new man who is less emotional, marry him, and start a lovely little family. You don't have forever, you know.

    Life is too short for turbulent relationships.
     
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