Why don't we share our parents' personalities?

[TinyBubbles]

from the last parenting thread it seems many of us differ greatly from our parents; we don't value the same things, we don't communicate the same way, we don't gain pleasure from the same activities. this is interesting to me because of the whole "nature vs nurture" debate - if you say nature, ie. your genes are responsible for your personality, then since our genes are copies of our parents' we should be much like them... if you think it's our upbringing that has more of an effect, then that too should result in our mimicking our parents' personalities, since most of us are raised by them and have lived with them for the better part of our childhood - up until around 2 decades, if you assume people become independent at age 20. that's a lot of time to be influenced by someone; to take on their mannerisms and approaches to life - so what's going on here, why the discrepancy? why don't we emulate our parents (to a greater degree)- why aren't we more similar to them (or are we? perhaps we just perceive ourselves to be different but actually aren't!)

And certainly there are others involved in our lives, but you have to admit, for most of us our parents play or have played a major role.

i've read somewhere that people more commonly emulate the habits and personality traits of their peer group than the parents, but that for some reason it didn't apply to musical preferences - the kind of music one prefers seems to be completely individual (and not related to our parents' preferences either). that's also something strange i think- perhaps it points to an actual structural difference in brain chemistry?

 

[Betteralone]

Hmmmmm I love this stuff!
I think we are certainly born with a "personality", I have seen it in infants. But I also think we are shaped by our surroundings and experiences as we grow. If you don't have a good relationship with your parents, you may very well do everything you can to NOT be like them!

Whenever someone does something, or acts a certain way, there is a reason why. ie: we are born with the fear of falling and loud noises. That's it. Every other fear is LEARNED. If someone is afraid of dogs or spiders ect., there is a reason.

I find it so fascinating to figure out why people do what they do and are the way they are. Including myself. It is just amazing!:nod:

 

[NeverAmI]

Seemingly endless complexity in genetic alterations, seemingly endless complexity in the way our brains develop in our adolescent years.


Why can't it be both nature and nurture? Biological underpinnings are absolutely proven to have an effect on our personality. So is biological development after birth which completely involves social interaction. In addition, what you learn, or ignore, can totally change how you make a decision, conscious or not-so-conscious.

Memories have an effect on how we react to certain criteria. Repetitive learning in our everyday lives has an effect. The thing is, all of this is happening all the time. Our biological state alters based on how healthy we are; our memories are constantly changing; Unless your parents do a very good method of teaching, and they have good insight, there is a certain probability that the child will choose a different path/decision/viewpoint.

One size certainly does not fit all in lifestyles, we are altered from our parents biologically and psychologically. It only makes sense that we choose a path that may be more efficient to our individual needs.

 

[enfp can be shy]

Parenting is not idempotent. Influencing another human does not result in two identical humans, but rather complementary/opposing humans. From there, the more people are involved in the raising process, the more complex this becomes.

In fact, it would look strange if a direct child of a parent becomes just like the parent - and this happens! - the reason for it to happen is rather the interaction of the child with the other people/circumstances involved, who have become complementary to that parent.

 

[88chaz88]

We do share our parents' personalities. Just some of us try not to.

I for one share a lot of my biological dad's traits even though the guy never raised me. I'm lazy, disorganised, obsessive about music, and it takes ages to actually apply myself to something. I also share my mum's introversion, intelligence, and some of her imagination.

Whether you like it or not you do share a lot of your parents' traits. If you don't like it then try and pick the good ones.

 

[Trifoilum]

yeah, some of us do.

I do think... that genetics played a part. But most of our personality are shaped by nurture. And there are other players in building our personality.

Aaaanyhow, I think their personality affects us. But consciously or not, it may manifests in something entirely different from their original personality. It may be the opposite. Or something that's simply related, but not exactly the same.

 

[Skoffin]

I am as crazy as my mother, or maybe slightly more so.

 

[88chaz88]

I do think... that genetics played a part. But most of our personality are shaped by nurture.

Actually while this is the most common belief, studies show it to be the other way around. Most of our personality is passed on genetically and experience and influence only slightly shapes it.

I've been raised by my adopted father for 21 years of my 23 year old life and I still have more in common with my biological father. Grudgingly so.

 

[Reon]

Actually while this is the most common belief, studies show it to be the other way around. Most of our personality is passed on genetically and experience and influence only slightly shapes it.

I've been raised by my adopted father for 21 years of my 23 year old life and I still have more in common with my biological father. Grudgingly so.

Link to study, the only thing I've read that slightly implies that is the link between twin brothers or sisters and personality.? Also, going with this theory, why do some people seem so vastly different than both of their parents? Is it a combination of the parent's personality making a new/altered personality that seems slightly different.

 

[88chaz88]

Link to study, the only thing I've read that slightly implies that is the link between twin brothers or sisters and personality.? Also, going with this theory, why do some people seem so vastly different than both of their parents? Is it a combination of the parent's personality making a new/altered personality that seems slightly different.

Funnily enough I actually get out once in a while and don't have absolutely everything I've heard of at the click of a button on the internet. It was on a documentary if you must know.

Some people don't seem anything like their parents due to the vast complexity of genetics. Others just try not to be. In fact some try so hard not to be like a specific parent they end up being exactly like them, forming a pattern of self hate running through the family.

And I did at least pick up something from my adopted father. I'd never, ever abandon family or friends.

 

[Reon]

Funnily enough I actually get out once in a while and don't have absolutely everything I've heard of at the click of a button on the internet. It was on a documentary if you must know.

If various studies were done on the subject (as indicated by your previous post), it is really that difficult to link to one study that you have seen or read that you find to be particularly insightful? Also, the fact that you have a 'life' does not mean you can't be well-read on a subject and also be able to cite a few sources for your assertions if they are challenged.

Some people don't seem anything like their parents due to the vast complexity of genetics. Others just try not to be. In fact some try so hard not to be like a specific parent they end up being exactly like them, forming a pattern of self hate running through the family.

Some don't seem like their parents, some try not to be like their parents, and some are just like their parents. I'm not exactly sure if this actually refutes the assertion that our personality is not based on the environment we were brought up in.

And I did at least pick up something from my adopted father. I'd never, ever abandon family or friends.

That's a good quality to have. Are you sure you received that from your father or just observed similar behavior in your father. It's quite a human trait, really. I don't think an absurd amount of people really abandon true friends or family.

 

[inigo]

.........why do some people seem so vastly different than both of their parents? Is it a combination of the parent's personality making a new/altered personality that seems slightly different.

I've wondered for a while if dominant vs. recessive genetics play a part in this. It seems as though sensing, Si or Se has a much larger distribution among the population than iNtuition does. And the difference between the concreteness of S and the abstractness of N can be huge. If S is dominant and N is recessive, it could explain the personality cavern between an iNtuitive with 2 Sensing parents.

But also, there is a difference between personality and character...so even when parents share a personality type with their offspring, they could still behave quite differently, but the similiarity would be that they process the world in the same way.

 

[88chaz88]

If various studies were done on the subject (as indicated by your previous post), it is really that difficult to link to one study that you have seen or read that you find to be particularly insightful? Also, the fact that you have a 'life' does not mean you can't be well-read on a subject and also be able to cite a few sources for your assertions if they are challenged.

I apologise for my google-fu not being up to scratch.

Some don't seem like their parents, some try not to be like their parents, and some are just like their parents. I'm not exactly sure if this actually refutes the assertion that our personality is not based on the environment we were brought up in.

Our personality can be shaped upon eviroment, but is based primarily on genetics. Okay well in theory anyway. It's not like there's concrete evidence either way.

That's a good quality to have. Are you sure you received that from your father or just observed similar behavior in your father. It's quite a human trait, really. I don't think an absurd amount of people really abandon true friends or family.

It's not received from my father, and is most certainly an observed characteristic.

My biological father didn't give a damn about me for the first five years of my life, and after then he's almost never been able to make the effort to contact me. Any effort he makes is through my grandma. It's come to the point where I simply won't bother unless he contacts me personally. It's fair to say that he is extremely non-commital.

This is a trait I unfortunately share and I can easily feel it in me. Although having a father adopt me and raise me even when he and my mum split up early on in my childhood has taught me that the effort made is well worth it. I can still be extremely non-commital in my studies, but when it comes to family I make sure that I make the effort.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Both my parents are INFJ - my mother is a lot more Introverted and Feeling than my father, though.

Personality wise, I think I take after my father insofar as I have always pushed myself to master necessary practical skills (against type preference); I take after my mother in that I have a very soft spot for difficult or outcast people.

That said, I am quite different from my parents - I look up to both of them very much - they are so kind and generous in a way I can only sometimes imitate. I always miss them.

 

[SamE]

Would stand to reason that since our parents are our role models upon this most plentiful world that we would adopt qualities transitional in behviour to their own. This is a subconscious element to our conscious reactions. It wouldn't be all that surprising that when you are wanting to remove those elemetns that are undesirable traits and reflections of your parents, that your reinforcing them like a self fullfiling prophecy. So then that would mean rather than running away from poor patterns of behaviour that you've learned you would be better able in creating the self identity and purge parental identities that influence the mind from an early age.

You notice them happening with time, small nuances of action that you think, wow, why is it the same as what my parents did. The obvious answer is that our parents influence our psyche and the development of our identity far more than we realise. And for this reason when you are able to accept your self identity above any other and express your authenticity rather than your sub personalities, of which your parents are part of, then the likelhood that the spell will change from mirroring parental images to reclaiming your self and growing into yourself without running away from those influences that remove the identity without intending to.

Hahah what I've learend I think, then you can start expressing your inner self assertivly knowing your family no longer has their claws in your esteem banks as much. And then your positive reflection and indeed your confidence and self belief in yourself and the world would change.

After all those people who speak in low tones, are but a product of poor confidence and ability to accept their person. This I have learned of myself too. And those people who speak with conviction and assertion are those people whoes fighting spirit remains intact without having been troden on and in fact grows positively from being comfortable with the self.

 

[SamE]

Of course that is if parents influence us negatively. positively then parents are a blessing, should they learn that after a time their children are to be treated like adults, as you would friends, rather than children, as you would family. Anyway has an INFP mother and an INTJ father, both unhealthy role models for me.

 

[slant]

What are you smoking? We do.

 

[MindYourHead]

We do share our parents' personalities. Just some of us try not to.

I for one share a lot of my biological dad's traits even though the guy never raised me. I'm lazy, disorganised, obsessive about music, and it takes ages to actually apply myself to something. I also share my mum's introversion, intelligence, and some of her imagination.

Whether you like it or not you do share a lot of your parents' traits. If you don't like it then try and pick the good ones.

This has been my experience with my step son who is now 20.
When I met his Mother he was 7 years old. He has not had any contact with his Bio Father since he was something like 2 years old.

Despite being exposed to my personality, traits & habits for 13 years, he is nothing like me in any way shape or form.
In some respects that is a good thing.

His Mother is always lamenting that he thinks and acts just like his biological Father in so many ways.
She is not happy about it, since some of theses things remind her of the reasons she left his Bio Father to begin with.

For myself, as I have gotten older I realize I do share a lot of personality traits from both my Mother and my late Father. Sometimes they conflict with each other.
When we are younger we don't see it, or like to think we aren't like our parents.

I think it a lot of it is genetic.

 

[slant]

This has been my experience with my step son who is now 20.
When I met his Mother he was 7 years old. He has not had any contact with his Bio Father since he was something like 2 years old.

Despite being exposed to my personality, traits & habits for 13 years, he is nothing like me in any way shape or form.
In some respects that is a good thing.

His Mother is always lamenting that he thinks and acts just like his biological Father in so many ways.
She is not happy about it, since some of theses things remind her of the reasons she left his Bio Father to begin with.

For myself, as I have gotten older I realize I do share a lot of personality traits from both my Mother and my late Father. Sometimes they conflict with each other.
When we are younger we don't see it, or like to think we aren't like our parents.

I think it a lot of it is genetic.

I hate when parents say 'well you're just like your mother/father was', especially when they think of their ex in a negative light. This happened to me and it was really damaging to me as a child, my mom always yelled at me for acting like my father and my father always yelled at my sister for acting like our mother, so both of us were hated and shit taken out on because of perceived identical traits.

Don't ever compare people, don't ever do this to people, especially your own children.

 

[MindYourHead]

I hate when parents say 'well you're just like your mother/father was', especially when they think of their ex in a negative light. This happened to me and it was really damaging to me as a child, my mom always yelled at me for acting like my father and my father always yelled at my sister for acting like our mother, so both of us were hated and shit taken out on because of perceived identical traits.

Don't ever compare people, don't ever do this to people, especially your own children.

She only confides this with me. She has never said a word to him about it.
I would never say anything to him either.
He is a good kid.

I am with you 100% on this.