Why don't we share our parents' personalities? | INFJ Forum

Why don't we share our parents' personalities?

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by TinyBubbles, May 23, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 1 user.
More threads by TinyBubbles
  1. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Threads:
    245
    Messages:
    9,350
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,217
    Trophy Points:
    966
    MBTI:
    ^.^
    Enneagram:
    .
    from the last parenting thread it seems many of us differ greatly from our parents; we don't value the same things, we don't communicate the same way, we don't gain pleasure from the same activities. this is interesting to me because of the whole "nature vs nurture" debate - if you say nature, ie. your genes are responsible for your personality, then since our genes are copies of our parents' we should be much like them... if you think it's our upbringing that has more of an effect, then that too should result in our mimicking our parents' personalities, since most of us are raised by them and have lived with them for the better part of our childhood - up until around 2 decades, if you assume people become independent at age 20. that's a lot of time to be influenced by someone; to take on their mannerisms and approaches to life - so what's going on here, why the discrepancy? why don't we emulate our parents (to a greater degree)- why aren't we more similar to them (or are we? perhaps we just perceive ourselves to be different but actually aren't!)

    And certainly there are others involved in our lives, but you have to admit, for most of us our parents play or have played a major role.

    i've read somewhere that people more commonly emulate the habits and personality traits of their peer group than the parents, but that for some reason it didn't apply to musical preferences - the kind of music one prefers seems to be completely individual (and not related to our parents' preferences either). that's also something strange i think- perhaps it points to an actual structural difference in brain chemistry? :m075:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #1 TinyBubbles, May 23, 2010
    Last edited: May 23, 2010
  2. Betteralone

    Betteralone Regular Poster

    Joined:
    May 7, 2010
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Hmmmmm I love this stuff!
    I think we are certainly born with a "personality", I have seen it in infants. But I also think we are shaped by our surroundings and experiences as we grow. If you don't have a good relationship with your parents, you may very well do everything you can to NOT be like them!

    Whenever someone does something, or acts a certain way, there is a reason why. ie: we are born with the fear of falling and loud noises. That's it. Every other fear is LEARNED. If someone is afraid of dogs or spiders ect., there is a reason.

    I find it so fascinating to figure out why people do what they do and are the way they are. Including myself. It is just amazing!:nod:
     
    TinyBubbles likes this.
  3. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,794
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    939
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    Seemingly endless complexity in genetic alterations, seemingly endless complexity in the way our brains develop in our adolescent years.


    Why can't it be both nature and nurture? Biological underpinnings are absolutely proven to have an effect on our personality. So is biological development after birth which completely involves social interaction. In addition, what you learn, or ignore, can totally change how you make a decision, conscious or not-so-conscious.

    Memories have an effect on how we react to certain criteria. Repetitive learning in our everyday lives has an effect. The thing is, all of this is happening all the time. Our biological state alters based on how healthy we are; our memories are constantly changing; Unless your parents do a very good method of teaching, and they have good insight, there is a certain probability that the child will choose a different path/decision/viewpoint.

    One size certainly does not fit all in lifestyles, we are altered from our parents biologically and psychologically. It only makes sense that we choose a path that may be more efficient to our individual needs.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
    Donor

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2009
    Threads:
    36
    Messages:
    2,538
    Likes Received:
    288
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    enfp
    Enneagram:
    -
    Parenting is not idempotent. Influencing another human does not result in two identical humans, but rather complementary/opposing humans. From there, the more people are involved in the raising process, the more complex this becomes.

    In fact, it would look strange if a direct child of a parent becomes just like the parent - and this happens! - the reason for it to happen is rather the interaction of the child with the other people/circumstances involved, who have become complementary to that parent.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #4 enfp can be shy, May 23, 2010
    Last edited: May 23, 2010
  5. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2010
    Threads:
    141
    Messages:
    4,872
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,221
    Trophy Points:
    766
    MBTI:
    ????
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    We do share our parents' personalities. Just some of us try not to.

    I for one share a lot of my biological dad's traits even though the guy never raised me. I'm lazy, disorganised, obsessive about music, and it takes ages to actually apply myself to something. I also share my mum's introversion, intelligence, and some of her imagination.

    Whether you like it or not you do share a lot of your parents' traits. If you don't like it then try and pick the good ones.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    6,554
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,734
    Trophy Points:
    380
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6w5
    yeah, some of us do.

    I do think... that genetics played a part. But most of our personality are shaped by nurture. And there are other players in building our personality.

    Aaaanyhow, I think their personality affects us. But consciously or not, it may manifests in something entirely different from their original personality. It may be the opposite. Or something that's simply related, but not exactly the same.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2009
    Threads:
    26
    Messages:
    787
    Likes Received:
    64
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTP
    I am as crazy as my mother, or maybe slightly more so.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2010
    Threads:
    141
    Messages:
    4,872
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,221
    Trophy Points:
    766
    MBTI:
    ????
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Actually while this is the most common belief, studies show it to be the other way around. Most of our personality is passed on genetically and experience and influence only slightly shapes it.

    I've been raised by my adopted father for 21 years of my 23 year old life and I still have more in common with my biological father. Grudgingly so.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Reon

    Reon Midnight's Garden

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2008
    Threads:
    66
    Messages:
    1,768
    Likes Received:
    321
    Trophy Points:
    627
    MBTI:
    Questioning?
    Enneagram:
    5w6
    Link to study, the only thing I've read that slightly implies that is the link between twin brothers or sisters and personality.? Also, going with this theory, why do some people seem so vastly different than both of their parents? Is it a combination of the parent's personality making a new/altered personality that seems slightly different.
     
  10. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2010
    Threads:
    141
    Messages:
    4,872
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,221
    Trophy Points:
    766
    MBTI:
    ????
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Funnily enough I actually get out once in a while and don't have absolutely everything I've heard of at the click of a button on the internet. It was on a documentary if you must know.

    Some people don't seem anything like their parents due to the vast complexity of genetics. Others just try not to be. In fact some try so hard not to be like a specific parent they end up being exactly like them, forming a pattern of self hate running through the family.

    And I did at least pick up something from my adopted father. I'd never, ever abandon family or friends.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  11. Reon

    Reon Midnight's Garden

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2008
    Threads:
    66
    Messages:
    1,768
    Likes Received:
    321
    Trophy Points:
    627
    MBTI:
    Questioning?
    Enneagram:
    5w6
    If various studies were done on the subject (as indicated by your previous post), it is really that difficult to link to one study that you have seen or read that you find to be particularly insightful? Also, the fact that you have a 'life' does not mean you can't be well-read on a subject and also be able to cite a few sources for your assertions if they are challenged.

    Some don't seem like their parents, some try not to be like their parents, and some are just like their parents. I'm not exactly sure if this actually refutes the assertion that our personality is not based on the environment we were brought up in.
    That's a good quality to have. Are you sure you received that from your father or just observed similar behavior in your father. It's quite a human trait, really. I don't think an absurd amount of people really abandon true friends or family.
     
  12. inigo

    inigo Newbie

    Joined:
    May 8, 2010
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    150
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I've wondered for a while if dominant vs. recessive genetics play a part in this. It seems as though sensing, Si or Se has a much larger distribution among the population than iNtuition does. And the difference between the concreteness of S and the abstractness of N can be huge. If S is dominant and N is recessive, it could explain the personality cavern between an iNtuitive with 2 Sensing parents.

    But also, there is a difference between personality and character...so even when parents share a personality type with their offspring, they could still behave quite differently, but the similiarity would be that they process the world in the same way.
     
  13. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2010
    Threads:
    141
    Messages:
    4,872
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,221
    Trophy Points:
    766
    MBTI:
    ????
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    I apologise for my google-fu not being up to scratch.

    Our personality can be shaped upon eviroment, but is based primarily on genetics. Okay well in theory anyway. It's not like there's concrete evidence either way.

    It's not received from my father, and is most certainly an observed characteristic.

    My biological father didn't give a damn about me for the first five years of my life, and after then he's almost never been able to make the effort to contact me. Any effort he makes is through my grandma. It's come to the point where I simply won't bother unless he contacts me personally. It's fair to say that he is extremely non-commital.

    This is a trait I unfortunately share and I can easily feel it in me. Although having a father adopt me and raise me even when he and my mum split up early on in my childhood has taught me that the effort made is well worth it. I can still be extremely non-commital in my studies, but when it comes to family I make sure that I make the effort.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
    Banned

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Threads:
    323
    Messages:
    10,047
    Featured Threads:
    49
    Likes Received:
    5,605
    Trophy Points:
    1,102
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    MBTI:
    INTJ - A
    Enneagram:
    10000
    Both my parents are INFJ - my mother is a lot more Introverted and Feeling than my father, though.

    Personality wise, I think I take after my father insofar as I have always pushed myself to master necessary practical skills (against type preference); I take after my mother in that I have a very soft spot for difficult or outcast people.

    That said, I am quite different from my parents - I look up to both of them very much - they are so kind and generous in a way I can only sometimes imitate. I always miss them.
     
  15. SamE

    SamE Community Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2010
    Threads:
    17
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Would stand to reason that since our parents are our role models upon this most plentiful world that we would adopt qualities transitional in behviour to their own. This is a subconscious element to our conscious reactions. It wouldn't be all that surprising that when you are wanting to remove those elemetns that are undesirable traits and reflections of your parents, that your reinforcing them like a self fullfiling prophecy. So then that would mean rather than running away from poor patterns of behaviour that you've learned you would be better able in creating the self identity and purge parental identities that influence the mind from an early age.

    You notice them happening with time, small nuances of action that you think, wow, why is it the same as what my parents did. The obvious answer is that our parents influence our psyche and the development of our identity far more than we realise. And for this reason when you are able to accept your self identity above any other and express your authenticity rather than your sub personalities, of which your parents are part of, then the likelhood that the spell will change from mirroring parental images to reclaiming your self and growing into yourself without running away from those influences that remove the identity without intending to.

    Hahah what I've learend I think, then you can start expressing your inner self assertivly knowing your family no longer has their claws in your esteem banks as much. And then your positive reflection and indeed your confidence and self belief in yourself and the world would change.

    After all those people who speak in low tones, are but a product of poor confidence and ability to accept their person. This I have learned of myself too. And those people who speak with conviction and assertion are those people whoes fighting spirit remains intact without having been troden on and in fact grows positively from being comfortable with the self.
     
  16. SamE

    SamE Community Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2010
    Threads:
    17
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Of course that is if parents influence us negatively. positively then parents are a blessing, should they learn that after a time their children are to be treated like adults, as you would friends, rather than children, as you would family. Anyway has an INFP mother and an INTJ father, both unhealthy role models for me.
     
  17. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    330
    Messages:
    10,084
    Featured Threads:
    38
    Likes Received:
    14,869
    Trophy Points:
    1,741
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Infp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    What are you smoking? We do.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. MindYourHead

    MindYourHead Courage doesn't always roar.

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    291
    Trophy Points:
    230
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    This has been my experience with my step son who is now 20.
    When I met his Mother he was 7 years old. He has not had any contact with his Bio Father since he was something like 2 years old.

    Despite being exposed to my personality, traits & habits for 13 years, he is nothing like me in any way shape or form.
    In some respects that is a good thing.

    His Mother is always lamenting that he thinks and acts just like his biological Father in so many ways.
    She is not happy about it, since some of theses things remind her of the reasons she left his Bio Father to begin with.

    For myself, as I have gotten older I realize I do share a lot of personality traits from both my Mother and my late Father. Sometimes they conflict with each other.
    When we are younger we don't see it, or like to think we aren't like our parents.

    I think it a lot of it is genetic.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2008
    Threads:
    330
    Messages:
    10,084
    Featured Threads:
    38
    Likes Received:
    14,869
    Trophy Points:
    1,741
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    Infp
    Enneagram:
    6-4-9
    I hate when parents say 'well you're just like your mother/father was', especially when they think of their ex in a negative light. This happened to me and it was really damaging to me as a child, my mom always yelled at me for acting like my father and my father always yelled at my sister for acting like our mother, so both of us were hated and shit taken out on because of perceived identical traits.

    Don't ever compare people, don't ever do this to people, especially your own children.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. MindYourHead

    MindYourHead Courage doesn't always roar.

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2009
    Threads:
    21
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    291
    Trophy Points:
    230
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    She only confides this with me. She has never said a word to him about it.
    I would never say anything to him either.
    He is a good kid.

    I am with you 100% on this.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #20 MindYourHead, May 24, 2010
    Last edited: May 24, 2010
Loading...

Share This Page