[INFJ] - Why does this happen to me? | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] Why does this happen to me?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Miro, Jul 23, 2021.

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  1. Miro

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    Okay, I just wanna ask you guys as to why people go quiet, not talk to others and put their 100% attention to me when it's my turn presenting something in front of the class? When I observe other people when other people do their presentation, they are light hearted, some are talking to other people and it may seem rude but I think it means that people are relaxed enough that they do that. But to me? They don't do that, all eyes are on me and I feel like they don't like me enough to not pay attention to me. I know that I should be thankful that people are listening to me but I just want to honestly know what goes inside the heads of other people when I'm in front of the class.


     
  2. Roses In The Vineyard

    Roses In The Vineyard Permanent Fixture

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    Yea that feeling and situation can really suck ass, kinda makes one want to leap out of one's own skin and just disappear. My lines of thinking on this are on the dark side that for the normies they are much more comfortable handling others who are very much like themselves until someone "different" comes along then things get to be uncomfortable for them. There really isn't a lot that one can do about even after they've warmed up there will still be always be this distance.
     
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  3. John K

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    If I'm in an audience and do that, it's because the speaker is saying something interesting that attracts my attention in contrast to the boring same-olds that all the other speakers have been coming out with. It's not easy to hold your attention on someone you don't rate and aren't interested in. Of course that may be because you are doing a great job with the subject of your presentation, but it could also be if you are coming over in a way that feels different and a bit weird to them - but if it's the latter you'd get more than just attention but odd remarks and behaviours too.

    Another possibility is that you could be misjudging what the audience is doing when you are talking in front of them. They may not be behaving all that differently than with other speakers, but the pressure of talking in front of them may make you see what they are doing differently to when you are just sitting among them listening to someone else.

    Are these guys all complete strangers to you? If you are sharing a class with them, you presumably know some of them socially? Ask someone for feedback about how you are coming over in your presentation and see if they are aware of a change in audience behaviour when you are on stage.
     
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  4. Calamity Dragon

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    I'm not a big fan of crowds. Ironically enough, I used to Bboy (breakdance) a lot, which involves usually, being the center of attention. In a dance circle, on a stage, at a hip-hop club, etc.

    I guess in my case dancing to the music eliminated the "people are looking at me" sensor that would normally trigger when I'm, lets say, presenting something to my team at work.

    It offsets the attention I'm getting to the attention to what I'm doing which makes it easier I suppose.

    I would say the best solution, (by far a best one too), is to become out rightly different, using an accent or focus on being incredibly descriptive in your pronunciation so your mental eye is on something else rather than it feeling like you're in 3rd person view.

    Or

    Come so extremely prepared for anything, that even being called for something is a flick of the wrist, and a bat of the eyes. So overprepared that nothing (lets say a random question afterwards) is even close to being daunting.

    How I've developed that part of my "oh shit people are looking" brain is just becoming my 1000% self (self aware) and letting it rip. If they like it, if they don't like it, oh well. Deal with it. It's like becoming your own hypeman/woman so that even if you're saying the most mundane things, your mental cheerleader is like "hell yeah, good stuff"
     
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    Miro

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    Actually, I like to observe people because it's fascinating. I have observed this for like 2 years.

    They're not strangers, they were my classmates so I know them in a way
     
  6. John K

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    From my own experience it’s to do with the way INFJs express themselves. We go deep and tend to use figurative language more than other types. We are also hypersensitive to the reactions of others - we pick up little cues in the body language and expressions of others but tend to interpret them as negative reactions when they are more often not. We then take it away and loop around with it - Ni / Ti - which can easily dig a hole for us. I’ve done loads of that in my time.

    Like I suggested, a really good way of getting to the bottom of it is to use your Fe and ask one of your classmates about it. Talk to your tutor as well. It takes a bit of courage at first to ask, but using Fe is a very powerful way of getting to the bottom of what’s going on.

    The company I worked for got us to ask for feedback from four or five people we worked with every year as part of our annual staff appraisals. I thought it was a pain at first but after a couple of goes at it, I realised just how valuable it is.
     
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  7. Impact Character

    Impact Character folding paper cranes ⭐

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    Oh god, this is so freakishly familiar. I know this is a serious trouble when you are in the middle of it, I can't help it, but looking back at my own story I can't help but shake my head and laugh in relief.
    The redflag for future inner stress is really when one sits too long in their own narrative soup without inviting others from time to time to add main ingredients as well. It's really what @John K says here that did the trick for me as well and I just realized how Fe that actually was.


    So, our stories are not exactly the same since we are different people and other people and circumstances are involved, but there are a couple things from my story someone could perhaps gain from seeking valuable feedback:

    - most people do not dare to approach you to either compliment you or ask you about a presentation topic in more depth even when they are very intrigued. That can have various reasons like not wanting to stand out from their peer or not wanting to look stupid for not understanding everything or lame for being interested in a(n unusual) topic
    - some people just make funny faces when they are just hyper-focused and concentrated or when they are surprised in some way
    - you might be a much better presenter than you think or see yourself. It doesn't need to be showman quality, although even that can be enhanced and it can happen automatically when you've made the topic your own, something like.. "charisma by interest in a topic". It could be that you are simply capable of turning a seemingly boring topic into life-lesson quality and into a deep enriching meal for others, something that needs a lot more attention than "meanwhile talking casually to others" would provide.
    - there might be a lot more self-confidence within you that is just waiting patiently to be allowed to grow stronger :) and
    - also some tricks how to deliver your thoughts in a way that makes it easier for your fellow students to come along. (Actually, the theory of cognitive functions provide alot of exciting material on this, too.)

    In rare occasions, especially when people are a bit more mature, someone will walk to you and share their thoughts, questions and joy arising from all this, which is basically a wonderful treassure, but most people just won't because they find a million little reasons why they might not want to bother you. It's up to you. - This happened to lucky me because a very bold guy was a little late to the class and a curious soul. My presentation on a staircase art installation turned into a wonderous journey about the Greek and growth and what not. lol It helped me realize that my presentations are a little different, and it helped me embrace it. Now I enjoy it even, because I know some people have a good time with it. (But don't get me wrong, on a bad day, insecurtities can still strike of course. But anyway it is definitely easier when you are already in the "presentation mindset" when people are looking like that, than when you are not presenting but in a daily situation and it happens.)

    To me asking for feedback can often feel like jumping into cold water but it can also quickly disarm insecurities very nicely. Especially when you know yourself so well that you are very aware of the consequences if you don't do it. To me the trick is to ask the right person you feel most comfortable with in the beginning. :) Perhaps someone who is also a bit insecure and sitting next to you or a friend in the becoming? Who knows :)

    End of embarassing showcase. I just really really hope you find your own path that takes this also to a much much lighter place~! <3
     
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  8. OP
    Miro

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    Oh ok got it!
     
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  9. OP
    Miro

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    Thank you so much! This helped a lot
     
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  10. Impact Character

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    You're very welcome. I'm so glad. <3

    Hmh, I realized I also forgot to mention that the audience is a lot more attentive and present when you look at them. Most students tend to look at the person who is grading them, which makes the audience often chill a lot more and do something else.
    This is something to be aware of when observing others while presenting and while others present. You can create some sort of feedback loop if you move your attention to them while being in the center of the attention (presenting).
     
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