I'm an INTJ with a really well-developed feeling side. I take great pains to be sensitive to others, although I'm naturally terrible at reading other people. Over the years I've been able to better analyze others' behavior and determine the cause of it, but if I seem cold, it's because my emotions aren't "loud". They aren't right out there. When I cry (and for years I couldn't... But on rare occasion I do now, and it's a precious thing I try to embrace), I'm almost always alone. That is a side of me I'd only share with my future spouse.
When I feel compassion, I feel it deeply. When I feel love, it overwhelms me. No one sees these things though, and I don't go around advertising them.
I readily await the privilege of sharing a life with someone. I anticipate having a family someday, reading stories to my kids in bed, taking them to theme parks, instilling knowledge and wisdom into them, loving them as well as I can in spite of their many flaws as my parents loved me.
So many people seem inclined to put their most personal feelings in their facebook status, or to text it to all of their friends. For me, feelings are a precious thing to be shared with those who will handle them well. Because INTJs are thinkers, we might seem robotic when we're working through something logically, or indifferent to the human element. For me I know people are the most important thing logically, but I really have to make a concerted effort to live that, because naturally I care a lot more about thoughts, arts, knowledge than people. When I'm talking to people, I have to try hard to give everyone in the group equal eye contact, to involve everyone in the conversation, to be sensitive to others' life experiences etc. It's a lot of work
If you're wondering what an INTJ looks like in a relationship, well, I can tell you what I look like:
- Reliable (I'm like this in any relationship, but if I say I'll be somewhere or do something, I'll do it.)
- Dedicated (I don't date for "fun" or physical reasons. I don't date people who I obviously have no future with. I don't flirt with other girls. I'm in it for the end-game of marriage, so I only date people I could potentially marry someday. Therefore, I don't date much)
- Romantic (I write poetry, music on the piano. I enjoy telling my significant other what they mean to me in a way they won't forget)
- Thoughtful (I like opportunities to make my significant other feel special. A massage on a bad day, a sweet note, flowers, restoring that photo of her grandmother in photoshop she thought was ruined, etc.)
- Very Very Hard-Working (To INTJs, who love projects, a relationship is the ultimate project. It's much more than a project, but the way it plays out is somewhat like one I suppose. I invest a lot of time in making special memories. I like to make an event of little date nights. The perfect movie night with a big screen TV, popcorn, soda, ice cream, the works... A hiking trip with everything planned out in advance so she doesn't have to do any work. etc.)
Every girl I've ever dated has continued to want to date me after we broke up, presumably because I try to end relationships gracefully and they end up realizing the significance in having sabotaged our relationship after they date a few idiots. My goal in every relationship is to leave the girl better off than she started even if we break up. I feel I've done that so far.
Feel free to ask me anything.
