My dark ages would be between the ages of 5 and 7, and 11 and 16.
When I was 5, I was sexually abused twice by my next door neighbor, who was a year younger than me, and his friend who was three years older than me. I still can't completely trust a man to be intimate with me to this day because of that. My parents found out and I got whipped, since they believed it was my fault.
My Dad took me away from my Mom when I was about three, and my stepmom forced me to call her mom, but I refused to, and she beat me everytime I did, and she cut my hair. I was allowed to talk to my mom about twice a month for 5 minutes max. When I asked my father if i could visit my mom when I was nine, he threatened to throw me out.
In middle school, I was constantly being bullied by a group of 6 older kids on my bus. They broke my glasses, tied my hair to the seat, called me a worthless, fat, ugly, mutt, threw shredded paper on me, and one even took a condom, put lotion on it, and shoved it behind my hair. I was extremely mortified, especially when the people I thought were my "friends" would laugh along. In eigth grade, I was constantly tortured by this one girl, who would give me zeroes on my math hw, even when I did it (she was the hw checker), and trip me in the cafeteria. I tried suicide once that year, to escape from being worthless. And then I decided that it wasn't worth it, and felt even worse for even trying. I was more than thrilled to leave that Hell hole called middle school.
My sophmore year of High school, no one ever made fun of me...Though I made my crush a christmas card, and he just sneered and stepped on it. (I lol when I think of that now though). My struggle was more internal. I felt like some fumpy blob floating through space. I was at the heaviest I had been in my life, and quite literally ate the heck out of my feelings. My ex breaking up with me wreaked havok on my voice in choir, and I almost quit that too. I didn't feel smart or pretty or anything, i just felt numb and didn't want anyone encroaching on my bubble of numbness. II didn't care about people or anything for that matter. I had more suicidal thoughts.
However, going to Africa that summer almost utterly changed me. (The people I met there were either extremely introverted or extremely extroverted lol). I was engulfed in love and beauty and peace and for the first time in years, I felt. Full. Satisfied. My family encouraged me to follow my dreams and told me that i was special in my own way, as the night is different from day, and not to care what others say. Most of all, i learned to love myself, which enabled me to love others for who they were. That summer was Paradise. Upon returning to the US, I found that I still had that inner joy.
The years following had their ups and downs, but I looked at them as lessons, chances to improve my spirituality. I became the optimistic, bubbly, serious, intelligent,curvy,beautiful, musical...special woman that all my family and friends know and love.
My life may not be perfect now, but I'm only human and I accept myself for who I am, so that's okay, and besides, when I leave this earth, I'll have eternity to be perfect.
As for now, I'm resting on a grassy hill on the mountainside....far from the rocky botoom.