What Was Your Rock Bottom? | INFJ Forum

What Was Your Rock Bottom?

NeverAmI

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Sep 22, 2009
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I am curious what all everyone has bounced back from.

What was the worst period in your life? How did you overcome it?
 
I had 3 years of disaster!
I had a bad teacher, that laughing on the students, I moved to other class, whitch was full of problemetic students, and
moved to different school, and then discovered nobody really liked me there.
I overcomed it by 2 Drama classes every week :)
 
At 16 I was having trouble at home, failed my GCSE's which made things unbearable between my Mum and I. I got a summer job in a factory and couldn't stand it, failed to turn up at most times. Went on holiday with my Dad and was fired from it. My Mum then told me not to bother coming back.

That's not all.

I started college while living with my Dad, but fell back with the work and at the end of the year failed that as well.

I then looked all over for a job, managed to land myself in MacDonalds, and since then I have always been in work. I may not work very hard, but I've always ben reliable and consistant. In fact I've held a job longer than most of my siblings, and I'm still at work on my accounting qualifications of which I already have one of.

My all time low is somewhere in between my time at college and MacDonalds.
 
Not that I'm very old, but the worst period of my life was high school, starting from 15-18. I moved from an affluent neighborhood and one of the best high schools in the country, to the middle of nowhere in the country, and went to a tiny school in a tiny town. I was one of few asians in the school, and I'm gay (although I was not out to anyone there) so I felt extremely out of place. In retrospect I was very depressed at the time. After I started college things immediately got better. I think now is the happiest I've been in my life so far. :m200:
 
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Without getting too personal, I'd say the beginning was the worse.

I live in a household owned by an ENTP(But she's very judgemental for an NP), and an INTJ, as well as populated by an ESTP, ISTJ, and INTJ (we gots two). My only F is my ENFP sister. They all think homosexuality is a disgusting perversion, except I told my sister and she's slowly coming around. :m183:

But regardless, Highschool was the worse because I was constantly ridiculed by everyone in class, including teachers for being gay (and I wasn't even out), and couldn't tell my parents, because I didn't want them to make that connection. So I've lived in total and utter fear my entire child hood of being discovered and kicked out. I was raped when I was younger and was never able to tell anyone, until [MENTION=2873]SouloftheLaurel[/MENTION]'s lovely little self came by. I couldn't even tell my parents, because they would say it was my fault, and then (literally, my parents are PSYCHO :mlight: ) kick me out, for being gay. I couldn't deal with that shit. So I just internalized it all and got into deep shit like Marilyn Manson and cutting (only a little bit though... I don't see the hype), and tried to kill myself a couple times via pill intake. But eventually I made it out of my dead and job, and highschool. I'm in "community" college now, in hopes of obtaining a social science esque major, and will be getting an apartment in July with my good friend. So let's just hope that past is behind me. :m159:
 
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OMG!
I can't complain now...
Highschool always sucks...especially for people like us(NF)
 
Living in a rural area in a town the size of about 2K. No jobs available. Trying to hang on to the one job I could get in which the new owner hated my guts. I started practing being grateful - even for her. It didn't work. She fired me. I tried to get unemployment. She denied me. I appealed. She put my (what I thought) best friend/coworker in position to screw me. I was betrayed. No unemployment. No employment. Old and useless....

Still practiced being grateful every day. Got really angry at my previous bf/coworker one day and beat the hell out of some cardboard boxes I had in the house. Felt infinitely better after that. Still found some reason to be grateful for her (although it was a tiny little detail LOL)

Decided to apply for becoming a social worker in a graduate program at the urging of my old counselor. Months later I was accepted.

Thus I began the journey to becoming who I really am.

And I am IMMENSELY grateful for those 2 back stabbing bitches from my prior employment!!! Woo HOO!:high5:
 
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I'd say the beginning of college was the worst for me. Dependency, a hospitalization, and legal troubles all have somehow made me a better person, though.
 
I'm not a drinker but events in the last 3 years have taken a toll. Since the day my little brother died in May I drank every day for three months straight. On the 3rd month anniversary of his death I was driving home from work but every cell in my body was saying "get a drink, get a drink!!". I had no will power. I turned around and headed for the liqour store and got a margarita with an extra shot. I couldn't even wait till I got home to suck it down and as I was drinking a driving I cried because I was so pathetic and out of control. I'm not sure how many bottles of patron I went through in those months, but I have been laying off the sauce. Actually drinking is probably the only thing that got me through those days.
 
Honestly...I would say now is my rock bottom. I hate that I am currently completely reliant on other people. It actually makes me sort of physically ill feeling from all the pent up negativity swelling inside of me. It makes me doubt my marriage. It makes me doubt myself as a good mother. It makes me feel useless.
 
Honestly...I would say now is my rock bottom. I hate that I am currently completely reliant on other people. It actually makes me sort of physically ill feeling from all the pent up negativity swelling inside of me. It makes me doubt my marriage. It makes me doubt myself as a good mother. It makes me feel useless.

Well, and this is an absolutely honest question, what is holding you back from being independent? Do you know?
 
Short of making myself homeless right now, there is not much I can see I am able to do. And since I have a 4 month old, that would be sort of a risky move. No friends who I am close enough to to ask if they would take me in.

Mostly literal physical limitations, currently. I have no car. I live in a very small hole in the wall town in the middle of no where with no job opportunities or reliable public transportation.

I hate this more than anything.
 
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after hs i went through a pretty isolating depression but i didn't know why, hell i didn't even know i was depressed really, i was too young to really understand it. so i was working a crap minimum wage job, started smoking pot everyday which eventually snowballed into harder drugs. and i remember i was with some friends in the city and i was coming down hard off of some acid at some public playground where we were playing frisbee. i remember sitting on the street feeling all these people's eyes on me as they passed by, little kids were around too and i was just a mess. afterwards my "friends" tried to take advantage of me while i was passed out in their apartment so i asked a kid i knew from hs to take his room for the night and stayed up with my eye on the door until i got picked up the next day.

in hindsight things could've been alot worse, but it was more the feeling of the situation itself that made it so bad, i mean at the time, i didn't see how things could get worse even if they could have. i swore off drugs the next day but wasn't really in the state of mind to quit so it went on for another year or so, then went to drinking, finally got out from under that about 2 years ago and haven't really looked back. its not a part of my life i think about alot, but im glad it happened, i mean i dont want to be ignorant to what life can be like soemtimes, especially since i'm probably going to school for a counselor.
 
Short of making myself homeless right now, there is not much I can see I am able to do. And since I have a 4 month old, that would be sort of a risky move. No friends who I am close enough to to ask if they would take me in.

Mostly literal physical limitations, currently. I have no car. I live in a very small hole in the wall town in the middle of no where with no job opportunities or reliable public transportation.

I hate this more than anything.

Oh, yes that is truly hard, I know many places that are just so devoid of transportation. What exactly is keeping you from moving though? For example (And I have no idea where you live) I know places in Indiana (from what my friends have told me, who live there) that rent for apartments are pretty damn cheap, and close to a bunch of jobs (they were trying to get me to move there.) Is the cost of moving too much? Do you have a job at this moment?
 
No, I have no job. Lost the job I did have when I lost my car (aka transmission fell out of it) and means to get there.

There are a lot of details that go into my situation, but bottom line is, I really currently have no way to pull myself out of it short of miraculously finding a work at home job. I've searched for such things, but to no avail.

My parents can't even really help me aside from giving me my old room to crash in because they are on the verge of being foreclosed on.
 
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Rock bottom was when I tried to commit suicide (which was last year) after a few deaths of family friends (which all committed suicide) and the stress that came with it.
I failed art school for the second time in a row, I was being abused at work (I don't work anymore, I'm on a benefit) and my mother was never home to look after the kids. I couldn't sleep or eat for days at a time (to the point I was fainting at work and school) I was a like zombie everyday of the week.
 
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Houston, 1995- i told a guy I worked with " This nightmare will be over when I can no longer recall your name". I do not recall his name.
 
My dark ages would be between the ages of 5 and 7, and 11 and 16.

When I was 5, I was sexually abused twice by my next door neighbor, who was a year younger than me, and his friend who was three years older than me. I still can't completely trust a man to be intimate with me to this day because of that. My parents found out and I got whipped, since they believed it was my fault.
My Dad took me away from my Mom when I was about three, and my stepmom forced me to call her mom, but I refused to, and she beat me everytime I did, and she cut my hair. I was allowed to talk to my mom about twice a month for 5 minutes max. When I asked my father if i could visit my mom when I was nine, he threatened to throw me out.

In middle school, I was constantly being bullied by a group of 6 older kids on my bus. They broke my glasses, tied my hair to the seat, called me a worthless, fat, ugly, mutt, threw shredded paper on me, and one even took a condom, put lotion on it, and shoved it behind my hair. I was extremely mortified, especially when the people I thought were my "friends" would laugh along. In eigth grade, I was constantly tortured by this one girl, who would give me zeroes on my math hw, even when I did it (she was the hw checker), and trip me in the cafeteria. I tried suicide once that year, to escape from being worthless. And then I decided that it wasn't worth it, and felt even worse for even trying. I was more than thrilled to leave that Hell hole called middle school.

My sophmore year of High school, no one ever made fun of me...Though I made my crush a christmas card, and he just sneered and stepped on it. (I lol when I think of that now though). My struggle was more internal. I felt like some fumpy blob floating through space. I was at the heaviest I had been in my life, and quite literally ate the heck out of my feelings. My ex breaking up with me wreaked havok on my voice in choir, and I almost quit that too. I didn't feel smart or pretty or anything, i just felt numb and didn't want anyone encroaching on my bubble of numbness. II didn't care about people or anything for that matter. I had more suicidal thoughts.

However, going to Africa that summer almost utterly changed me. (The people I met there were either extremely introverted or extremely extroverted lol). I was engulfed in love and beauty and peace and for the first time in years, I felt. Full. Satisfied. My family encouraged me to follow my dreams and told me that i was special in my own way, as the night is different from day, and not to care what others say. Most of all, i learned to love myself, which enabled me to love others for who they were. That summer was Paradise. Upon returning to the US, I found that I still had that inner joy.

The years following had their ups and downs, but I looked at them as lessons, chances to improve my spirituality. I became the optimistic, bubbly, serious, intelligent,curvy,beautiful, musical...special woman that all my family and friends know and love.

My life may not be perfect now, but I'm only human and I accept myself for who I am, so that's okay, and besides, when I leave this earth, I'll have eternity to be perfect.

As for now, I'm resting on a grassy hill on the mountainside....far from the rocky botoom.
 
I tend to think it is all relative. My own pain does little to slow me down for some reason. I tend to keep it to myself and deal with as needed (or not, haven't decided yet). My lowest point was when my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor 4 years ago and needed surgery. I felt like I was living a soap opera plot of some kind. My sister had cancer as a small child, lost 3 children and then developed brain tumors and she is a year older than me. I am amazed at her strength every day of my life and it kills me to see her hurt one iota because of the pain she had endured.

I would also say that I moved to where I am at now during my sister's last pregnancy. I held my niece right after she was born until she died. She was born alive but had too many birth defects to survive. All my sister ever wanted to be was a mother and she has lost every one of her children. Yes, that was a really low point as well.
 
Lowest point of my life was just after my last divorce. I developed pretty bad panic attacks coupled with crushing guilt, in addition to the ongoing cyclothymic depression i already had. My 15 year old daughter developed a drug and alcohol habit, came out of the closet and lived on the streets for a while. Both of my sisters also separated from their husbands, so they had their own crazy time, which I could not help them because of my state of mind, and neither could they help me. My workplace acquired the boss from hell, and I was not getting along with my coworkers.
Fast forward to 2 years later. My daughter now lives at home, and while she doesn't go to school, she does work. My sisters' lives are calming down. I am engaged. My boss is still the boss from hell, but I figure eventually she will get whats coming to her. It turns I have Bipolar disorder II, and quite probably have had it for at least 20 years. What is sad about that is that I didn't even know just how ill I was until my mind cleared on the new medication.