What type were you raised to be

[Gaze]

What type were you raised to be. I was thinking about this today, that many of us were probably raised as different types than we are, which probably explains some of our difficulties or struggles growing. We were expected to act or behave as different types, so we suppressed our own natural tendencies or preferences for what was more socially acceptable or valid.

For example, I'm definitely a Feeler (Fi) but family(in some ways), church, and school were a very TJ environment. I was Fi, when most of the other kids were Fe. Sensitivity as a trait was not the most widely embraced. I think I began to express more T traits when I realised Fi was not understood or acceptable trait. My Te has been a savior of sorts. When I operated in Te, it allowed me to balance Fi. And because I was reserved, a bit of a "loner", high introversion was conflicted with the expectations of being socially outgoing. So, extraversion was definitely seen as the better, more desirable one of the two. However, if you expressed too much extraversion or Fe, people thought you were too much.

So, I was raised to value and adopt a more ENTJ, INTJ or ISTJ persona. I think I would've had an easier time if I was an INFJ.

How about you, what type were you raised to be.

 

[Annabreher]

Well, I was raised by a INTJ, and both of my brothers are ISTJs. My father is an INTJ as well but didn't play a huge role in my development [not in a positive way but we are not here to talk about that!]
If I acted on emotions I was corrected, and I am so thankful for that. I have a deep appreciation for my mom...without her I know I'd be incredibly impulsive and have many more regrets in life.
Sometimes you just have to look at it for what it is. People do the best they can with what they have, and my mom did her best. We are two very different people, and she knows that. Thankfully she has backed off and doesn't always say: "THATS NOT LOGICAL ANNA! USE YOUR BRAIN!" Haha!

-Anna

 

[christmas]

after much deliberating and mistyping my family this is my theory:

my mother wanted me to be more like her. she's INFP. she'd always lament that i was, "just like my father." he's ESTP, and i guess i can be like him when i am in a super incredible mental rage. my father always wondered why things that came easy to him with his dominant Se were so difficult for me, and he'd get super angry about it. he'd tell me i was just like my mother, " a space cadet." my grandmother was INFJ. i spent most of my time with her, and felt most like myself when i was with her. (everything i know i learned from my grandmother, lulz) my grandfather was INTP. we had lots of fun together, but we didn't make sense to each other a lot of the time. when we got on each other's nerves, we REALLY got on each other's nerves. he'd try to teach me to do things a certain way as only a Si user can do, and my head would spin because nothing he did made sense. it's kind of the same way with my mother, but it's a little tempered with her because she's a feeler. i still learn a lot from my parents, and they've mellowed out some now that they are old, heee.

as far as my school went, they catered to SJs and Si users. if you had a good memory for minutia you'd do well. we had very few teachers who afforded us the privilege of using our minds creatively or even logically.

 

[Gaze]

Well, I was raised by a INTJ, and both of my brothers are ISTJs. My father is an INTJ as well but didn't play a huge role in my development [not in a positive way but we are not here to talk about that!]
If I acted on emotions I was corrected, and I am so thankful for that. I have a deep appreciation for my mom...without her I know I'd be incredibly impulsive and have many more regrets in life.
Sometimes you just have to look at it for what it is. People do the best they can with what they have, and my mom did her best. We are two very different people, and she knows that. Thankfully she has backed off and doesn't always say: "THATS NOT LOGICAL ANNA! USE YOUR BRAIN!" Haha!

-Anna

yeah, we can always learn something from these experiences. For me, I learn and understand things better when I know the origin or reason why somethings occurs the way it does, so I find it very helpful to think about how personality and attitudes were developed and shaped by these different type influences early on.

 

[88chaz88]

I've been raised in a very N way I guess. Nobody understood my need to have the details explained to me, that way I build up to the big picture. N's always work out things backwards to me.

 

[Gaze]

after much deliberating and mistyping my family this is my theory:

my mother wanted me to be more like her. she's INFP. she'd always lament that i was, "just like my father." he's ESTP, and i guess i can be like him when i am in a super incredible mental rage.

Not an excuse, just a possible explanation of your mom's behavior. As INFPs, I think we tend to feel tortured. I think there's a sense of feeling a bit out of place, so maybe she wanted you to be more like her so that she would have someone to relate to. Was her family growing up more INFP, or STP. Maybe she didn't experience as much acceptance of her own INFP traits in her youth or childhood, so she was hoping to be able to develop that kind of bond with her own family. I think kids who are raised by families who nurture and accept their traits, nurture their strengths, however different in type they may be, and who help to strengthen areas of weakness are more likely to be understanding and accepting their own children's differences later on rather than expecting their kids to conform to the type they or society wants them to be.

 

[Annabreher]

Yes, it definitely helps me process information more effectively. Great discussion!

-Anna

 

[Gaze]

I've been raised in a very N way I guess. Nobody understood my need to have the details explained to me, that way I build up to the big picture. N's always work out things backwards to me.

That must be tough. I know in school, there were times when you were expected to just know how to come to the answer, without them laying out the problem or equation step by step. I think this is such an important thing to understand because if I'm teaching a concept, I can't simply expect a learner to figure things out. I need to build a foundation, lay out the details.

Yeah, there needs to be more understanding between the global vs. sequential learning styles. It's very important aspect of effective learning.

 

[88chaz88]

That must be tough. I know in school, there were times when you were expected to just know how to come to the answer, without them laying out the problem or equation step by step. I think this is such an important thing to understand because if I'm teaching a concept, I can't simply expect a learner to figure things out. I need to build a foundation, lay out the details.

Yeah, there needs to be more understanding between the global vs. sequential learning styles. It's very important aspect of effective learning.

School wasn't so bad in this way to be honest, if I paid attention more I'd have got along fine. Like a typical ESFP though it was just too boring for me to deal with. Maths and physics is very S in nature, you just follow steps to come to the solution. The trouble arose when I asked for help at home, my Mum would just do what could have been magic for all I know and come up with the solution, yet I couldn't follow her chain of thinking.

It's taken a while to find that I don't think like most of my family or friends, now when I have a problem I just work it out on my own and simply ignore advice. Usually I'll find a solution, it'll just take a little longer. It's a great strength being detail oriented when everyone around you is focused on the big picture, you're able to simplify and find faults that are commonly missed.

 

[Sriracha]

I have no idea. My father is an ISFJ and mother ESTJ. They were always very good about pushing me to try something new and if I didn't like it, no problem ... but I had to try it. They were very good about fostering the things I found interesting. They didn't try to mold me to any particular MB type. I'm very fortunate.

 

[Stu]

ESTP they used electro-shock therapy. I am scarred.

 

[Lerxst]

ENTJ without a doubt. My father is a very strong-willed ENTJ and my mother is an INFJ. Secretly, she would "work on" my father but on the surface, he was the more vocal of the two about immediate needs/behaviors. "If something's wrong, speak your mind, don't take sh** from anyone and don't be an idiot" were usually the gist of the lessons he had to teach.

I blame him that even as an INFJ, I revert to an ENTJ in a more work-oriented environment where there's something that needs to be done a certain way by a certain time in a certain manner. It's kind of neat being able to outspoken and turn off the Fe when it's needed, just sucks afterwards when the Fe kicks back in and I realize how many toes I stepped on and feelings got hurt in the process....

Edit - I should also add that it shocks the hell out of my friends and co-workers when this really laid-back, soft spoken person turns into a hard-assed, "shut the hell up and get it done!" type of person.

 

[Ryo]

My parents (ENTJ mom and INFP dad) were pretty supportive of my introversion. Ironically, mom more so since I think dad has some shame around his and mom admires the outward restraint.

But oh man, do I have well-developed Te. My maternal grandmother is emotionally abusive and my mom very actively discouraged Fe since she saw it as a liability. No weakness, toughen up. I think ideally I would have been an INTJ. But you know, now that I'm an adult, they ALL want to benefit from my Fe skills. Figures. I think they really admire the way I combine their best strengths (minus my dad's selflessness - never did get that one ).

 

[subwayrider]

I never felt suppressed in my home environment. I had a mom and a sister. Now that I think about it, I had it pretty good because I was never told that I was too quiet or that I shouldn't read so much etc., etc.. Everyone in my family just let me be. I was apparently a very anal little kid when it came to my possessions. I would play with my toys and put them away neatly afterwards.
School was a little different, but I was naturally a good learner. It wasn't really suppression, but a lot of the kids were into physical activities, like sports. They may have been Sensors. Not too many people were into books and stuff, so I didn't have many friends in elementary school.

 

[grt$5vb]

My mom is ISFJ, so I was trained to clean, work like a dog, keep charge over my little sister, and serve a man. My father is... I guess maybe ESFJ, if I had to guess, but both are addicts, and suffer from mental disorders, as does my ENFJ sister. Everyone was violent. They wanted me to sit down & shut up. I snuck off on my own a lot, and disregarded their authority. I cleaned, and taught myself how to do laundry as a child to help my mom out, while she was sleeping. I think my mom appreciated that she could trust me, and I was on auto-pilot, so she didn't have to worry about me. However, she wished I would chill on the religious stuff, be less shy & standoffish around her friends, drop the feminism, and tell her more about my thoughts, and life. She wanted me to be more accepting of sex, drugs & alcohol, and called me a brain washed prude. My dad wanted me to be a bigot, a boy, and revere him as law.

Point being, I was encouraged to be more E, S, and F, because I always hid my feelings from them.

I think my mom is happy with who I am as a person, now, and she really respects my independence, and free will. She tries to assist me with difficulties when she can.

 

[Saru Inc]

The best I could be, heterosexually speaking.

Types aren't really my types to by typed with anyways.

 

[JGirl]

how does everyone know what type their parents are? are you guessing or does everyone but my family do these tests??
i grew up in a highly dysfunctional entire alphabet of people whom i couldn't wait to get away from.
i was not raised by anyone, except maybe my older siblings - we were a large mob of kids in a small house. we feared and stayed away from our parents.

 

[Peppermint]

Hmm, I'm not sure.

I think they wanted me to be more E, J and F.

 

[TinyBubbles]

Extrovert
pushed past my comfort zone frequently as a kid

 

[jyrffw54]

They wanted me to be more S and T.