What qualities do you value in a friend? | INFJ Forum

What qualities do you value in a friend?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by tovlo, Apr 29, 2010.

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  1. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    What do you value about the friends you have?



    What qualities do you dream of finding in a friend?
     
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  2. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    Interesting conversationalists, not particularly crass or base. I also like people who show respect for others in situations where some may not.
     
  3. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    If someone can hold an intelligent conversation and demonstrates maturity, then they are friend material. Nothing else really matters to me. I've even been friends with homophobic bigots, pedophiles, and sociopaths.
     
  4. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    What do you value about the friends you have?

    Deep connection, supportiveness, intelligence, imagination and sense of fun, loyalty -in terms of keeping confidences, reciprocity (of feeling and gestures), some shared interests, ability to pick me up when i'm down, and my feeling able to do the same for them... there's probably a lot more, but these are all quite important to me. I truly, deeply value those people I do count as friends.

    What qualities do you dream of finding in a friend?

    Pretty much the same as the above. The only things I'd add are not exactly qualities, but just things I'd like. I'd like to find a friend who would go hiking with me, for example.
     
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  5. Barnabas

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    What do you value about the friends you have?

    They're plain good people, faulted of course but good none the less.

    What qualities do you dream of finding in a friend?

    None, a friend is not bought nor made. We forge bonds not people, I can not say to my friend that you have better taste in movies and philosophy there for you are a cut above the rest or you are prefered to those whom have no such tastes.

    There is something more to friendship then what the person is like, it has little to do with words such a loyalty and honesty. No one is always honest and rarely is there some one whom is eternaly loyale.

    No friends are more, something between the individuals that allows us to overlook faults and see the genuine side of each other.
     
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  6. Sam

    Sam Regular Poster

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    Integrity and maturity, pretty much. Deep? I guess.
     
  7. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I think I have given up on forming friendships - I'm sticking to keeping "good aquaintances"... It's hard to say what the distinction is, but it's significant to me. Somehow safer for me and for them.


    Anyhow, I love people who are humble and sincere (ie. unpretentious and honest) - being highly intelligent is a nice bonus, but is optional.
     
    #7 Flavus Aquila, Apr 29, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  8. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Friendship is second name of trust.

    So i will start looking from this point trust, honesty, integrity, loyalty and power to accept truths of friendship to maintain its balance. Ability to support when needed.
     
  9. OP
    tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    What do you value about the friends you have?

    Humility
    Playfulness and Wit
    Compassion
    Insight
    An appreciation for language
    A love of contemplation
    Willingness to examine and share experience
    A gentle manner
    Patience with me
    Honestly and diplomacy

    What qualities do you dream of finding in a friend?

    I realize in trying to answer this question for myself, that I cannot think of another quality not listed above. I think what leaves me dreaming really originates within myself. While I have counted people who possess these qualities among my circle of friends, I need so much assurance that I am esteemed as highly as I esteem them, that usually, lacking that abundance of feedback, I let myself slip away from them, fearing their rejection of me.

    So maybe the quality that would most contribute to the friendships I dream of actually rests with me--acknowledging my own worth as friend to someone else.

    Are you speaking to the nature of idealism not leaving room for reality? If so, I can appreciate what you're getting at.

    I grew up in a small town where choice in the people one could connect with was very limited. I have always appreciated that the limiting nature of that environment in some ways actually had a very diversifying effect. It forced me to do the work of really getting to know and find places of appreciation for people I might not have given the effort to otherwise.

    I think in a wider pool of potential engagements I can get picky to the point of isolation. I suppose the more you use a muscle the stronger it gets, while inactive it atrophies. It sounds like either by choice or environment your muscles for appreciating people have grown strong.

    I had resonance with your appreciation of these qualities. Though highly intelligent is kind of scary for me, so I'll say insightful instead. ;)
     
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  10. 1104

    1104 Newbie

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    i live in a liberal college town where "individuality" is highly valued. naturally, people appropriate this by dying their hair weird colors, adopting Eastern religion, and scratching anarchy symbols onto their notebooks. they are nonetheless devoid of character, and i've become deeply wary of this form of pretense. total lack of insight makes the most beautiful people physically repulsive to me. conversely, conceptual originality in combination with understated appearance makes people attractive.

    4 things i hate:
    -poorly-executed efforts to impress
    -lack of resilience
    -rudeness
    -poor hygiene
    the first three all stem from a person's unwarranted ego. the last is from my fear of contamination.

    in my experience, this covers only a small list of people. i get along with just about everyone i meet, and i appreciate them all equally. so, humble and sincere. yes.
    i have friends almost exclusively for company's sake. i don't hope to "bond" with them. it's not my nature.
     
    #10 1104, Apr 30, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2010
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