I would prefer to keep the specific reason as to why I wish to seek these answers. I usually don't care much about MBTI, but being overly-curious often gets the better of me in these situations. Lets just say I am currently talking to an INFP female and she seems to take an interest in me, and she particularly likes listening and hearing me talk about a variety of topics. I don't expect anything to happen, just a friendship.
What particular traits do INFPs and INTJs have in common?
- Thread starter JJJA
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What definitions are you using? If you use the functions-stackings then INFP and INTJ share one pair Fi/Te. If you go by dichotomies, they're both IN. The latter are closer to a scientific investigation into personality, albeit some good things can be said using functions theories if you're careful and don't take things too much on faith.
Agreed. I'm looking for any trait, to be perfectly honest. It doesn't have to be limited to core functions.
I think both INFPs and INTJs have a strong investment to personal issues / causes that affect them and the people they cared for. If the causes and issues overlap, both can work together. If the causes don't overlap however...there are going to be clashes.
This is Fi-Te in working.
Another form of it is also that both types can be insistent in their own perspective and logic, in different ways. Generally INFPs are perceived to be more emotional and/or personal than INTJ, but I found out that there are times when the reverse happen.
Some INFPs have an interest towards science and rationality (in hopes for tempering their own Te), and that can synch together with a lot of INTJs.
In contrast, some INTJs have an interest towards art and literature (in hope for tempering their own Fi), and that can synch together with a lot of INFPs.
This is Fi-Te in working.
Another form of it is also that both types can be insistent in their own perspective and logic, in different ways. Generally INFPs are perceived to be more emotional and/or personal than INTJ, but I found out that there are times when the reverse happen.
Some INFPs have an interest towards science and rationality (in hopes for tempering their own Te), and that can synch together with a lot of INTJs.
In contrast, some INTJs have an interest towards art and literature (in hope for tempering their own Fi), and that can synch together with a lot of INFPs.
Misadventure
butt fros and asian purrs
i'm an infp female married to an intj male. maybe i can offer some kind of insight here (or not)
i know that intj brain of yours wants a specific list of complimentary traits followed by a list of contrary ones but that aint how i work so deal with it!
we oppose each other in many ways. much of the time i feel that he thinks i am too emotional and will brush aside my feelings as if they don't matter because he thinks i'm overreacting (and even if i am, i think he should still at least try to acknowledge my feels). over time we have learned to communicate better with each other but it has taken much practice and things still turn into squables just because we read each other wrong way too often. you know that whole infj mind/feels/radar thing... yeah, i don't have that. and my emotions can and usually will misinterpret his behavior. and his overthinking can and usually will misinterpret my emotions.
he is very straightforward where i am wishy-washy. he likes to have an agenda where i like to go with the flow. he despises loud music and i love it. he is very self centered and i feel i cater to his needs instead of there being an equilibrium. sometimes i feel totally neglected and because we both suck at reading this, and i suck at saying this, he is totally oblivious to me feeling this way.
but for every opposition between us, there are many good similarities. we both cherish time to ourselves. we both love quiet time, me to daydream about unicorns and butterflies and him to plot world domination. we are both very sensitive, even though he tries to hide this. and as in infp i think i'm pretty good at understanding this as we are extremely sensitive. we both care deeply about what matters to us. and aside from this we also have a good deal of interests in common.
but just keep in mind that type doesn't mean shit when we're talking relationships. even friendships. its all a learning process and you have to invest time and patience to get to know each other and also to get to know how each one of you 'works'. Even though i have some dom Fe going on, it aint that jedi-mind powers and super feels of an infj, so i recommend that you both talk more and assume less.
i know that intj brain of yours wants a specific list of complimentary traits followed by a list of contrary ones but that aint how i work so deal with it!
we oppose each other in many ways. much of the time i feel that he thinks i am too emotional and will brush aside my feelings as if they don't matter because he thinks i'm overreacting (and even if i am, i think he should still at least try to acknowledge my feels). over time we have learned to communicate better with each other but it has taken much practice and things still turn into squables just because we read each other wrong way too often. you know that whole infj mind/feels/radar thing... yeah, i don't have that. and my emotions can and usually will misinterpret his behavior. and his overthinking can and usually will misinterpret my emotions.
he is very straightforward where i am wishy-washy. he likes to have an agenda where i like to go with the flow. he despises loud music and i love it. he is very self centered and i feel i cater to his needs instead of there being an equilibrium. sometimes i feel totally neglected and because we both suck at reading this, and i suck at saying this, he is totally oblivious to me feeling this way.
but for every opposition between us, there are many good similarities. we both cherish time to ourselves. we both love quiet time, me to daydream about unicorns and butterflies and him to plot world domination. we are both very sensitive, even though he tries to hide this. and as in infp i think i'm pretty good at understanding this as we are extremely sensitive. we both care deeply about what matters to us. and aside from this we also have a good deal of interests in common.
but just keep in mind that type doesn't mean shit when we're talking relationships. even friendships. its all a learning process and you have to invest time and patience to get to know each other and also to get to know how each one of you 'works'. Even though i have some dom Fe going on, it aint that jedi-mind powers and super feels of an infj, so i recommend that you both talk more and assume less.
i'm an infp female married to an intj male. maybe i can offer some kind of insight here (or not)
i know that intj brain of yours wants a specific list of complimentary traits followed by a list of contrary ones but that aint how i work so deal with it!
we oppose each other in many ways. much of the time i feel that he thinks i am too emotional and will brush aside my feelings as if they don't matter because he thinks i'm overreacting (and even if i am, i think he should still at least try to acknowledge my feels). over time we have learned to communicate better with each other but it has taken much practice and things still turn into squables just because we read each other wrong way too often. you know that whole infj mind/feels/radar thing... yeah, i don't have that. and my emotions can and usually will misinterpret his behavior. and his overthinking can and usually will misinterpret my emotions.
he is very straightforward where i am wishy-washy. he likes to have an agenda where i like to go with the flow. he despises loud music and i love it. he is very self centered and i feel i cater to his needs instead of there being an equilibrium. sometimes i feel totally neglected and because we both suck at reading this, and i suck at saying this, he is totally oblivious to me feeling this way.
but for every opposition between us, there are many good similarities. we both cherish time to ourselves. we both love quiet time, me to daydream about unicorns and butterflies and him to plot world domination. we are both very sensitive, even though he tries to hide this. and as in infp i think i'm pretty good at understanding this as we are extremely sensitive. we both care deeply about what matters to us. and aside from this we also have a good deal of interests in common.
but just keep in mind that type doesn't mean shit when we're talking relationships. even friendships. its all a learning process and you have to invest time and patience to get to know each other and also to get to know how each one of you 'works'. Even though i have some dom Fe going on, it aint that jedi-mind powers and super feels of an infj, so i recommend that you both talk more and assume less.
Im curious if I may ask. Before I ever knew anything about mbti I would unknowingly show people I cared by doing things for them. Whether it be fixing or building. I had no idea why... I just did. Later I found out this is pretty common with intjs apparently. So, my question is, do you find that your so does this?
My INTJ friend does this. I probably didn't appreciate it nearly as much because 'acts of service' is very low on my '5 love languages' deal. I wanted some food and he said he'd get up and get it for me and I was like 'okay..' *tries to fake happy face* In the front of my mind I was thinking 'The fuck? I'm not helpless. I'm not helpless I can get my own food!!' But I knew it was his way of saying he loves me so I put on a smile and tried to stow my facial expression when I saw the amount of food was all wrong -_-
Some people just don't appreciate that kind of shit, like me. You should find someone who does.
One of my nieces that I love is an INTJ. She's gotten better as far as her sarcasm goes. I don't like sarcasm, I think it's a passive aggressive way of saying how much the other person annoys you. And I think people who passive aggressively tell others they don't like them are cowards. Bring on the conflict! 8w9, Ima fuck you up with my words!
So for someone who welcomes conflict, fuck sarcasm.
Her and I can talk for a long while and laugh and joke. She does however go very negative quickly. She's been getting better about that too though. She'll acknowledge she's going down pessimism road, stop herself, and take a quick jog back to reality lane. It's fun to watch, cause I do that too. Though usually quicker than she does.
We have great conversations though. She's stuck in that phase where she uses the words 'actually' and 'literally' WAY too much. Which can get annoying. And ruin all her credibility in any subject she talks about. But it's fun to watch her grow up! If anything I admire her. Where she's at now is where I just got to. Though come 6 years from now she might go through what I went through as an adolescent, which could be terrible >.<
Now my INTJ guy friend is... more quiet. He listens a lot, which I kind of love, because I talk a lot. And he thinks I'm hilarious which I also love lol. He does have anxiety though so his phone, and looking at his phone, is his safety blanket. Though because he's so quiet I really don't know a whole lot about him. He asks me questions and I'm the one who does like 90% of the talking. So I don't know.
When he does talk though, he is very judgmental, which we have in common. But I'm in that stage in life where he'll, or anyone, will say a judgment and I don't really care lol. It doesn't affect me on a personal level if I do this thing he/they have a judgment about. Though if it is something that I think is an irrational judgment I'll talk to him about it.
He also contradicts his judgments of other people. One example is he'll be upset that someone yelled at him on his Facebook page and he'll be like 'it's just my opinion! And my Facebook page!!' But then he'll go yell at someone on their Facebook page and be like 'well you shouldn't have posted it on Facebook!' It's funny to watch xP
But for the most part, just like my niece and I, him and I have a lot of the same view points. And in a lot of things, the EXACT same view points; we just get to them differently. So in that it's fun to talk about how we got to the same conclusions. Which can be hours and talking and laughing x3
So for someone who welcomes conflict, fuck sarcasm.
Her and I can talk for a long while and laugh and joke. She does however go very negative quickly. She's been getting better about that too though. She'll acknowledge she's going down pessimism road, stop herself, and take a quick jog back to reality lane. It's fun to watch, cause I do that too. Though usually quicker than she does.
We have great conversations though. She's stuck in that phase where she uses the words 'actually' and 'literally' WAY too much. Which can get annoying. And ruin all her credibility in any subject she talks about. But it's fun to watch her grow up! If anything I admire her. Where she's at now is where I just got to. Though come 6 years from now she might go through what I went through as an adolescent, which could be terrible >.<
Now my INTJ guy friend is... more quiet. He listens a lot, which I kind of love, because I talk a lot. And he thinks I'm hilarious which I also love lol. He does have anxiety though so his phone, and looking at his phone, is his safety blanket. Though because he's so quiet I really don't know a whole lot about him. He asks me questions and I'm the one who does like 90% of the talking. So I don't know.
When he does talk though, he is very judgmental, which we have in common. But I'm in that stage in life where he'll, or anyone, will say a judgment and I don't really care lol. It doesn't affect me on a personal level if I do this thing he/they have a judgment about. Though if it is something that I think is an irrational judgment I'll talk to him about it.
He also contradicts his judgments of other people. One example is he'll be upset that someone yelled at him on his Facebook page and he'll be like 'it's just my opinion! And my Facebook page!!' But then he'll go yell at someone on their Facebook page and be like 'well you shouldn't have posted it on Facebook!' It's funny to watch xP
But for the most part, just like my niece and I, him and I have a lot of the same view points. And in a lot of things, the EXACT same view points; we just get to them differently. So in that it's fun to talk about how we got to the same conclusions. Which can be hours and talking and laughing x3
Hmmmm.... I was thinking more along the lines of building a proton accelerator to help plants grow but... food is nice.
Misadventure
butt fros and asian purrs
[MENTION=8603]Eventhorizon[/MENTION]
it took some time to finally figure out what the hell he was up to, but yes, i found that my intj guy displays his affection in other ways, not all huggy and kissy (although a little more physical displays of affection would be awesome) but in ways that seek to improve the quality of life for myself and our children.
i had no idea that building "a proton accelerator" is an even bigger and grander gesture of love from him than long-stem roses or breakfast in bed. it wasn't till some long talks with an infj friend of mine who is awesome at interpreting behaviors like this so i can better understand them *cough* [MENTION=13729]Free2be[/MENTION] *cough* that i realized these are things he does to show how much he really cares. and once i realized that, i no longer see him as this cold, emotionally distant, robotic man. i see him for the compassionate sweetie he really is beneath all that stern logic and armor. and any time he proudly presents me with the next proton accelerator, i swoon. so much better than stupid long-stem roses!
all of our problems have stemmed from miscommunication and misinterpretation of things we do not understand about each other. sometimes it takes someone from the outside looking in to help us see that. i have learned a lot about my intj but not through him, through others that have known them and love them and 'get' them.
you guys really are a bunch of softies. i wish more people could see that, and i'm thankful beyond belief that i can see that now too.
it took some time to finally figure out what the hell he was up to, but yes, i found that my intj guy displays his affection in other ways, not all huggy and kissy (although a little more physical displays of affection would be awesome) but in ways that seek to improve the quality of life for myself and our children.
i had no idea that building "a proton accelerator" is an even bigger and grander gesture of love from him than long-stem roses or breakfast in bed. it wasn't till some long talks with an infj friend of mine who is awesome at interpreting behaviors like this so i can better understand them *cough* [MENTION=13729]Free2be[/MENTION] *cough* that i realized these are things he does to show how much he really cares. and once i realized that, i no longer see him as this cold, emotionally distant, robotic man. i see him for the compassionate sweetie he really is beneath all that stern logic and armor. and any time he proudly presents me with the next proton accelerator, i swoon. so much better than stupid long-stem roses!
all of our problems have stemmed from miscommunication and misinterpretation of things we do not understand about each other. sometimes it takes someone from the outside looking in to help us see that. i have learned a lot about my intj but not through him, through others that have known them and love them and 'get' them.
you guys really are a bunch of softies. i wish more people could see that, and i'm thankful beyond belief that i can see that now too.