What motivates you to help someone? | INFJ Forum

What motivates you to help someone?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Aug 16, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    Regardless of type, what motivates you to help someone?

    Many here help in different ways - offering advice or words of support, suggesting an idea/book, providing constructive criticism, suggesting new or advanced equipment, updates, or technology, etc.

    But why do you do this?

    And be honest :m155:
     
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  2. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    I typically do it because I either feel that they deserve it, or I think it would be beneficial in some way in the long run.

    Edit: Oh, and sometimes curiosity just gets the best of me.
     
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  3. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    Golden rule, and my Christian beliefs, I would want help if I were in that situation. I like seeing the joy on someone's face, when I help them get where they want/need to go
     
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  4. bs98r3kjf

    bs98r3kjf Well-known member

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    It can be one of the following reasons, depending on my mood and who it is and what I'm helping them with.

    1) It feels natural to help them.
    2) I feel like I owe them something because they've helped me before in some way.
    3) To get them to soften up a bit, (if they're the type of person who is mean and grouchy and doesn't like to help people) Maybe they'll change. Kindness can be contagious.
    4) I can be nosy.
    5) I can be bossy and like being in charge sometimes. Helping doesn't exactly put me in charge but you know what I mean.
    6) What goes around comes around. There may be a day when I would need help.
     
  5. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    Same here. When I make myself a part of a community like this one, I also feel compelled to help out individuals who are a part of it if I can. Not to mention that I enjoy solving problems and answering questions. I'm much less helpful when it comes to 'doing' stuff, because I don't like to do it.
     
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  6. OP
    Gaze

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    Yeah, i tend to help more by giving advice or offering support, or a different opinion. Not so much with the doing things which i'm realizing is not good. For myself, i realize there needs to be a balance because it's really what the person needs that's important not necessarily what's comfortable for me to give or do. One of those lessons i'm working on atm. :D
     
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  7. 894tt3h9

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    I used to do it purely for selfish reasons. I helped people because I wanted to feel a sense of superiority and like I had this amazing ability to turn people's lives around and make everything turn out for the better. I liked the way it felt for me to be helpful without actually caring about any particular individual. I saw it more as a project rather than me genuinely caring enough to extend my hand. And honestly, being "helpful" in that way was very draining for me.

    Now I feel more like I owe it to people to help them. I feel like if someone is reaching out and so obviously in need, and I have the ability to be of use to them, then I take it upon myself to do what I can for that individual so as to help them through a hard time. I look at them as people rather than something broken that needs to be fixed and I don't think about how it will inflate my ego or sense of self importance.
     
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  8. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

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    I help people because it feels good; so long as I'm not being taken advantage of. I wouldn't mind improved relationships in return, however.
     
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  9. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    I help people because it's something automatic that I do. I honestly don't have an ulterior motive to do so. I don't feel good about myself because I help others and I don't like people thanking me for my help either.
     
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  10. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    I don't offer help unless they come and specifically ask for help or i think the other person can handle my advice. in most cases they don't and i usually refrain from helping.

    also i dont offer help if i think the person can deal with their issues on their own.
     
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  11. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    I only do this if it's something that has an obvious tone of needing help that is moderately urgent. The times I've done it, I can't tell whether my help was needed or even wanted, but it doesn't matter.
     
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  12. OP
    Gaze

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    This^^^. Yeah, but it's not always easy to know if someone can.
     
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  13. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    Most of them can; they just choose not to and seek help hoping someone will fix and solve their problems. I think its part fear and part lazyness.
     
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  14. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    the fact that they need help. i don't like seeing people upset and hurting ;-; sometimes i can't do anything to help, but if i can lend a hand and have the opportunity to do so, i'll certainly try. people are precious, you know? every one of us. and suffering is so rarely deserved..
     
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  15. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    There are situations when you just know when a person needs assistance such as helping someone with the door while they have their hands full, or making a lost child less anxious while looking for their parents; doing something nice when someone is feeling gloomy and so on. You usually have to intuit when such assistance is required, and I'm just naturally good to pick up those kinds of information.
     
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  16. athenian200

    athenian200 Protocol Droid
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    I try to offer what help I can, just because I think it might be useful, it makes me feel better, and there's usually no real reason not to do so.

    One major exception. I will not go out of my way to protect someone physically if they're in danger, if there's ANY chance that doing so might put me in danger. No matter how horribly they're being abused or mistreated, I will walk by pretending I saw nothing, rather than risk having something happen to my person. Read about the bystander effect... most people act like this, most of them just won't admit it. I will.

    However, I may sacrifice myself to help someone with encouragement and advice. A strange dichotomy, but there you go.
     
    #16 athenian200, Aug 23, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2010
  17. OP
    Gaze

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    Yeah, caring or helping was selfish for me. Kinda regret that. I think i did it because impressions were important, and i wanted to be seen as helpful and nice, although i was doing so grudgingly.

    I think self awareness - and more honesty, let me think differently. Actually, one of the reasons i'm changed was that i wanted what i did to be done out of a serious desire to improve things. - Once i realized how important it was to me, to make things better, that it was an aspect of my personality that i didn't have to work hard to do, it was then that i understood how i could better help someone without emphasis on being seen or noticed. I'd rather any day someone told me that i inspired them to believe that they could better than they ever thought they could than to thank me for doing something for them. I think really helping someone for me, is about seeing them reach their potential.
     
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    #17 Gaze, Aug 23, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2010
  18. RecklessDreamer

    RecklessDreamer Permanent Fixture

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    To show them that I care or because they just look helpless. I don't like to see people facing their problems alone, but if it looks like they have plenty of support and can handle the situation then I'm most likely to stay out of it. Unless, of course, it is someone close to me.
     
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  19. 894tt3h9

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    Yes, I was very much in need of that feeling of recognition, though now I tend to avoid being recognized for my help because I'm kind of embarrassed about how I used to be about it.

    And a big YES to your entire second paragraph. That's exactly how I feel.
     
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  20. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    A gut-wrenching sense of compassion - often.

    When I don't feel compassion, it is often a sense of duty based on the principle that those who have/are strong are morally bound to help the needy/weak.
     
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