What makes someone "sheltered"? | INFJ Forum

What makes someone "sheltered"?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by floatingbridge, Aug 10, 2013.

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  1. floatingbridge

    floatingbridge Life's a ride
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    What makes someone "sheltered"? How would you go about unsheltering yourself? Are INFJs more likely to be the sheltered or unsheltered type? ...I mean, what's the point in unsheltering yourself when you already generally know the consequences of bad experiences?
     
  2. Gaze

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    I was sheltered for much of my young adulthood, and it had a significant effect on me. When I learned about personality typing, it helped me to lessen the stigma against some of the personality traits which needed protection from the world. But I realized they didn't need protection but acceptance by me that nothing was wrong with these traits. But if the world tells you otherwise, then it's tough not to agree. I agree with you that once bitten, twice shy. Once someone has had enough bad experiences with people who say they have good intentions but who do more damage in the end, it's tough to want to go back into it. I'm always struggling with this. I constantly feel as if I must defend or protect myself from the world because of the hurt i've experienced when I exposed myself emotionally and opened myself up. This is why I try to keep my self to myself, and maintain a small social circle. My trust level is very low. Too much today is about showing oneself to the world, demonstrating what you can do or handle, in an attempt to satisfy some external expectation of appearing strong and not weak willed. Much of this has lead to more emotional damage including self doubt and lower quality of relationships because everything becomes about showing and proving rather than just living. No one is every truly satisfied. This makes it easy to want to retreat from the world and have little contact with it voluntarily or otherwise. But I don't want to isolate myself from the world. I'd rather engage with it but in small amounts. I think if you're going to unshelter, do it for yourself, not for anyone else.
     
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    #2 Gaze, Aug 10, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2013
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  3. Tin Man

    Tin Man "a respectable amount of screaming"

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    If you're too sheltered you'll grow up to be naive and taken advantage off. Not enough sheltering you'll end like me, a crazy psychopath with a lust for clowns.

    If you want to be unsheltered, then you need life experience. You need to face the pettiness and cruelty of life. It's difficulty as that naivety can easily turn to cynicism and anger at the world. If you don't choose to unshelter yourself, life will probably do it for you anyway. At least if you make the choice you'll have some control in the outcome.
     
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  4. Sensiko

    Sensiko Permanent Fixture

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    parenting is probably the biggest contributor in making a person sheltered... the types of experiences the parent allows the child... allowing the child to experience and teaching them about both the good and bad parts of our society.... the amount of freedom they give the child to make mistakes... the amount of responsibility the child is given...

    live in a big city... lol... figure out how to do things on your own... do things... gain life experience...

    how does being unsheltered equal bad experiences?
    but the short answer is to experience life... you’ll never grow as a person if you deny yourself the bad experiences to learn from them...
     
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  5. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    I wouldn't know, I lust for clowns. Seriously, "sheltered" used to imply someone who was ignorant of sex and other earthly matters and typically applied to females. I think to a certain extent, that, unless you grew up in (the word is ghetto) ahem....economically deprived....(sheltered sensibilities) area, that you are a bit sheltered. If you didn't learn the harsh facts about the dangers and evil nature lurking inside seemingly innocuous people, you are sheltered. Although, money isn't the only factor in ugly childhoods, it plays a more than significant role in allowing children to face/see/deal with harsh realities. It is hard to hold onto "sheltered" unicorn dreams and flower hopes when you know that your cousins were sold by their parents so they could drink (true story). Or finding your cousins one Xmas eve inside a freezing car (delivering the only presents they were to get) while their mother was inside a house partying. I think everyone has that defining moment when they really understand the world can be bad....I just think sheltered people aren't allowed to find that out until after they turn 12 or so.
     
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  6. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    A general lack of experience (or 'street savvy', they say). Mind that one can be sheltered in different aspects of life; one can very much be experienced in matters of love while still being sheltered in career terms, for instance.
    The concept, I think, is 'to open yourself'; sometimes you listen, sometimes you do and try, sometimes you talk, sometimes you see.
    I am personally a sheltered type in most terms.
    If you seek to understand, knowing and feeling are two different things.
    having certain things happened to you as opposed to 'reading' about it can bring SO MUCH DIFFERENCE in terms of intensity, subjectivity, significance and salience.

    If you seek happiness, being sheltered and unwilling to open oneself can block a lot of paths and roads.
    Evading bad experiences is one thing, knowing that you MAY get that something you seek if you just have one pinch of courage to take that step is another thing entirely.

    If you seek to live in peace, being sheltered means living in a sort of blissful ignorance, or dreamy confidence.
    do so if you want-- but know that a sheltered peace is a very fragile one.
    Sometimes trying to defend the castle and sustain that shelter will do so much worse than simply--opening it.
     
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  7. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    Lack of experience with the cruel, frightening and chaotic aspects of life that force you to question your beliefs, that can incite you to violence and make your priorities starkly apparent.

    If you want to be un sheltered you'd have to be open to those negative experiences. Beware though because experiences, unlike knowledge alone, can change you at an emotional level and turn you into someone you don't recognize. You could lose all hope and become a cynic. On the other hand, you could become more at peace, when you realize how little is really at stake. It really depends.
     
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  8. the

    the Si master race.
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    Lack of experiences, especially experiences that do not involve your parents hovering over you. Lack of opportunities to use your own judgement in real life situations.
     
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