What makes someone a good partner? | INFJ Forum

What makes someone a good partner?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Jul 29, 2018.

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  1. Gaze

    Gaze What am I mixing? Well . . .
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    What makes someone a good partner?

     
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    #1 Gaze, Jul 29, 2018
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  2. JennyDaniella

    JennyDaniella Universe Contemplator

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    Hmmm, I think everyone has their own preference for what makes a good partner.

    For me personally:

    1.) Good communication skills. Last ex was very poor in communicating with me if there was a disagreement or something that was on his mind, or wanted to rush things. I need someone who I can deeply talk to so things can be resolved amicably.

    2.) Loyalty. Big one for me.

    3.) Maturity. Of course, it’s great to be immature and be silly once in a while, but sometimes maturity is an attractive quality that I appreciate.

    4.) Good with his money. I’m not a spender myself and I prefer someone who is responsible financial wise.

    5.) Doesn’t have any addictions with drugs/alcohol. I don’t do any smoking, and I occasionally drink. Takes good care of himself.

    6.) Has resolved any past baggage with previous relationships. This one is also a big one for me. I don’t want any past crap transferred onto me when I’m trying to start something new with someone. Being compared to an ex, or feeling doubtful or always jealous towards me due to what an ex did is not a good feeling and wants to make me tear my hair out.

    7.) Down-to-earth, sweet, affectionate, loving. Makes me laugh. Considerate, sensitive. Intelligent.

    8.) Mutual understanding, wanting to compromise. I do appreciate when someone is willing to compromise on certain areas or is committed to making things work— because I know I will do the same for my partner. It is a teamwork effort.

    9.) Respectful. Unselfish.

    10.) Independent, since I am also quite independent myself. I need my alone time sometimes. Lol.
     
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    #2 JennyDaniella, Jul 30, 2018
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  3. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    In no particular order:

    1. Hot/makes the effort
    2. Smart/Resourceful
    3. Doesn't complain about petty shit
     
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    #3 Wyote, Jul 31, 2018
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  4. Infjente

    Infjente Community Member

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    For me:

    Simular goals/wants/needs or having mad skills at compromising

    Gotta be intuitive

    Extroverted thinking, because I really need it and want it

    Despite finding NT temperaments incredibly stimulating and rewarding to talk to, turns out the more rational NF's are the only ones I have fallen in love with. My boyfriend is ENFP.

    I have a
    10% tolerance for manipulation
    5% tolerance for avoiding truth/lying
    0,9% tolerance for cheating
    I think :tonguewink:
     
    #4 Infjente, Jul 31, 2018
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  5. Happy Phantom

    Happy Phantom Phantom Traveler

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    So no fugs allowed. Got it. lol
     
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    #5 Happy Phantom, Jul 31, 2018
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  6. Midnight Harlequin

    Midnight Harlequin Dark heart of the Moon
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    I've spent every day of my life trying to make myself the perfect partner for my perfect mate... Unfortunately there is a lot of fine print... My preparations only work if I find the perfect mate for me... A lot of it seems to be on the job training...
     
    #6 Midnight Harlequin, Jul 31, 2018
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  7. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    To be serious for a minute though, as far as that particular item is concerned-

    Attraction is important but a lot of different things can be attractive. An ideal partner for me makes an effort to dig into my mind and discover various ways to attract me. It is constantly changing and so to some extent takes consistent effort. This all sounds sort of grandiose but I'm mostly referring to small actions. A person who cares about themselves and loves themselves can reflect that back onto me and that's more or less what I'm referring to. Sexy is a way of being not a way of looking.
     
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    #7 Wyote, Jul 31, 2018
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  8. OP
    Gaze

    Gaze What am I mixing? Well . . .
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    Maybe I should have asked, "what qualities make someone the right partner for you?" because there are so many things that make someone a good partner but yet, not necessarily right for each person.

    1) Someone who believes this:
    [​IMG]

    2) Someone who is a little socially awkward like me, in an endearing way, so we can both feel a little odd together :D

    3) Someone who can see both the forest and the trees, because I only tend to see one at a time.

    4) Someone who is a good listener but enjoys chatting about many things.

    5) *Someone who is actually interested in and cares about how I feel or think about things, and I'm not referring to complaints

    6) Someone who cares about the relationship, wants to maintain it and grow. Someone who wants to do more than the bare minimum and go out of their way to make it work, because that's exactly what I would do too. :)

    7) Someone who doesn't pretend there aren't any problems but is willing to talk (not overtalk) it out and work towards a solution.

    8) Someone who doesn't have overly high standards of perfection or sophistication, or some ideal of a "perfect' partner who checks all their boxes, because rarely will one person ever fit every box. If I like you, I'll embrace your flaws and imperfections, just as I'll hope you'd embrace mine.

    9) Don't tell me what to think, do or feel. It's ok if we disagree. We can still listen and understand each other.

    10) Finally, someone who shares their daily life with me. Someone who wants to hide themselves, or compartmentalize different parts of their lives, so you only know part of who they are, not the whole, can stay away.
     
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    #8 Gaze, Jul 31, 2018
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  9. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    I might as well expand on the other two since leaving them as is makes me sound pretty douchey.

    I think it's important that my partner have similar mental faculties. I understand circumstances can change in this regard but I think at least initially it's an important aspect which helps form a strong bond. Too much smarter or dumber and you kind of miss the mark with one another on a lot of things. Similarly, having a partner with an equal-ish footing as far as being able to gather resources and work at a similar speed helps create a team where both people feel useful. It's just practical and promotes longevity for the relationship.

    Lastly, I don't need drama cuz I'm not in high school anymore. I don't have time for petty. Especially in a relationship. That's just a one way ticket to singleville.
     
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    #9 Wyote, Jul 31, 2018
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  10. Midnight Harlequin

    Midnight Harlequin Dark heart of the Moon
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    Doesn't have to be work... It should be fun for them to do that :)
     
    #10 Midnight Harlequin, Jul 31, 2018
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  11. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    I didn't say it was work. I think you've confused effort with work. Relationships take effort. Breathing takes effort.
     
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    #11 Wyote, Jul 31, 2018
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  12. Midnight Harlequin

    Midnight Harlequin Dark heart of the Moon
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    Not in so many words... You said effort and consistent effort.... Effort implies work... but it should be entertainment for them to do so.... Not effort...
     
    #12 Midnight Harlequin, Jul 31, 2018
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  13. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    Sometimes it does take work though. Relationships aren't all fantasy clouds. The majority of it probably ought to be though :)
     
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    #13 Wyote, Jul 31, 2018
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  14. Midnight Harlequin

    Midnight Harlequin Dark heart of the Moon
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    Breathing only takes effort if you think about it.... <Crap>
     
    #14 Midnight Harlequin, Jul 31, 2018
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  15. Midnight Harlequin

    Midnight Harlequin Dark heart of the Moon
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    Speaking specifically WRT a good partner.... A good partner even the bad stuff will be looked at fondly, there will be Rocky times but a good partner will be patient, supportive and understanding.... and when I find something even remotely close to that dream Land thing... I'll give you a bazillion dollars... Because the statistics, well let's just say... Not on my side...
     
    #15 Midnight Harlequin, Jul 31, 2018
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  16. Wyote

    Wyote Moody Magician
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    I like your list and I like how you worded this one in particular. I think it's a good perspective, an honest one because people hide parts of themselves regardless. A little mystery is always good but it takes a mature enough person to admit they want it as well as being able to handle it.
     
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    #16 Wyote, Jul 31, 2018
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  17. Ren

    Ren Pin's android

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    A great partner for me, I think, would be someone who is:

    - Emotionally intelligent
    - Passionate
    - Profound
    - Straightforward
    - Independent
    - Feels a bit alone in the world like myself
    - Loyal
    - Funny, with a penchant for the absurd
    - A little bit strange
    - Attractive by virtue of having the above traits
    - Physically attractive (to me)
    - Expects all the above from me and says so
    - Likes The Smiths, The Cure and Joy Division.

    So yeah, finding that person ain't gonna be so...

     
    #17 Ren, Jul 31, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2018
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  18. noisebloom

    noisebloom theory conspirer
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    wanna hook up
     
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    #18 noisebloom, Jul 31, 2018
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  19. noisebloom

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    • Communicative/honest
    • Has her own life, goals, etc.
    • Takes care of herself
    • Supportive but not dishonest
    • Open-minded to new ideas and approaches
    • Reliable
    • Willing to accept that there will be issues and that there are solutions
    • Is not shy about embracing her obv Nazi similarities
    • Someone who wants to grow and explore the world with me
     
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    #19 noisebloom, Jul 31, 2018
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  20. Wyote

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