What major events or experiences have changed you?
- Thread starter Gaze
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By far the biggest change for me was moving away from my parents when I was 20. I moved to a place with 9 other students. We share a kitchen en two bathrooms.
My social time increased to about 20 times of what it was before. I partied more. I did stuff together. I met girls. I started dating. Certian of those experiences have had great effect on me and are probably worthwhile of this topic too, but they are merely consequences of the bigger change that I moved out.
It opened up a new part of life I hadn't seen much. So much new stuff to learn. New emotions etc. I loved it.
My social time increased to about 20 times of what it was before. I partied more. I did stuff together. I met girls. I started dating. Certian of those experiences have had great effect on me and are probably worthwhile of this topic too, but they are merely consequences of the bigger change that I moved out.
It opened up a new part of life I hadn't seen much. So much new stuff to learn. New emotions etc. I loved it.
Yeah, staying in the dorms during undergrad when most of my life was at home with family, definitely taught me quite a bit about people, who they were and what they thought.
Negative work experiences have probably changed me the most. I learned to see and accept the world for what it is, not for what I want it to be. I realized I had to learn to give, and focus less on receiving. I think I realized how important it is to have self respect regardless of circumstances. The biggest change is learning to accept reality, not try to change it.
Biggest would be my father getting cancer. I helped to take care of him in the last three months before he died, and I was with him as he left this world. Really changed my whole perspective on life, not necessarily for the better.
Second place after that would be getting divorced last year. I wanted my father to be able to dance with me at my wedding, so I got married to my boyfriend at the time. We made it three years and tried to be good for each other, and we learned a lot from it. But I'm so glad that's over. I think that's perhaps the bravest thing I've done so far in my life. Definitely for the better!
I also moved from Florida (where I grew up) to Minnesota, which is cool. Literally. But now after being here for 8 years I am feeling homesick for Florida. I never thought I'd want to go back, but I'm a bit tempted.
Second place after that would be getting divorced last year. I wanted my father to be able to dance with me at my wedding, so I got married to my boyfriend at the time. We made it three years and tried to be good for each other, and we learned a lot from it. But I'm so glad that's over. I think that's perhaps the bravest thing I've done so far in my life. Definitely for the better!
I also moved from Florida (where I grew up) to Minnesota, which is cool. Literally. But now after being here for 8 years I am feeling homesick for Florida. I never thought I'd want to go back, but I'm a bit tempted.
I agree. Some experiences make you realize you're stronger than you think and can handle more than you thought. Others teach you that there may be limits to what you can do, but that it's ok to have limits, but to also believe in yourself.
Around 8 years ago I got hit in the head really hard in a car accident. To the point I had a severe personality shift for years, and I can't remember much during certain time periods. The memories are just fragmented and don't make sense.
During the past 5 years, I realize that there are good times and there are bad times. I had good memories with people that were my friends and then I was taught by the INFJForum actually that people come and go and friendships come and go and that I should move on, so THANK YOU GUYS!
When things turned sour at home financially for my family, my dad chose to leave us for another woman with money, even though he was the big spender in their marriage! Through that I realized that being independent is everything and to always work hard for the things I want, have a plan and to learn how to be more flexible and self-reliant! My now family(-minus husband/father), ha to learn how to work with what money we had so now I know where to get things for a cheaper price and solve things through home remedies (which actually work, go figure!)
Last summer, I had to look myself square in the face and be truthful to myself. Several tears later I realize that I was enough, I could create my own destiny and learned how to accept myself for who I truly was! And learn how to be my own bestie! Besides, you're with you all the time, and you never leave you!
P.S. People only do things to you that you allow them to do! Hope this helps someone
When things turned sour at home financially for my family, my dad chose to leave us for another woman with money, even though he was the big spender in their marriage! Through that I realized that being independent is everything and to always work hard for the things I want, have a plan and to learn how to be more flexible and self-reliant! My now family(-minus husband/father), ha to learn how to work with what money we had so now I know where to get things for a cheaper price and solve things through home remedies (which actually work, go figure!)
Last summer, I had to look myself square in the face and be truthful to myself. Several tears later I realize that I was enough, I could create my own destiny and learned how to accept myself for who I truly was! And learn how to be my own bestie! Besides, you're with you all the time, and you never leave you!
P.S. People only do things to you that you allow them to do! Hope this helps someone
1) Deciding to fight against my self-consciousness and become more outspoken and assertive when I was in the 7th grade
- Basically, people used to pick on me a lot when I was a kid because I was really passive when it came to socializing, so I consciously decided to put an end to it by utilizing the realization that other people were too busy worrying about themselves to pay as much attention to me as I had originally imagined that they were and that I could try speaking up and being less passive etc. My social life completely changed and my personality stayed open like that too. I think this happened for the better.
2) Dating super-old-foreign-guy when I was 15
- I fell in love for the first time and a series of events in my life have sort of led me to where I am now. It caused me to experience depression/anxiety among other things, and it changed the entire direction of my life. I learned a lot about myself, relationships, social systems, my health and body, and emotions, the world...everything. My entire approach and emergence towards adulthood was primarily influenced by this relationship and its fallout. I can't say if these changes are for the better or worse. I am grateful for the experiences though because I'd never felt that way towards anyone before and never did again afterwards, and I had never enjoyed a positive, healthy relationship with my parents.
- Basically, people used to pick on me a lot when I was a kid because I was really passive when it came to socializing, so I consciously decided to put an end to it by utilizing the realization that other people were too busy worrying about themselves to pay as much attention to me as I had originally imagined that they were and that I could try speaking up and being less passive etc. My social life completely changed and my personality stayed open like that too. I think this happened for the better.
2) Dating super-old-foreign-guy when I was 15
- I fell in love for the first time and a series of events in my life have sort of led me to where I am now. It caused me to experience depression/anxiety among other things, and it changed the entire direction of my life. I learned a lot about myself, relationships, social systems, my health and body, and emotions, the world...everything. My entire approach and emergence towards adulthood was primarily influenced by this relationship and its fallout. I can't say if these changes are for the better or worse. I am grateful for the experiences though because I'd never felt that way towards anyone before and never did again afterwards, and I had never enjoyed a positive, healthy relationship with my parents.
Still going trough..
Most of experiences or events in my life were like pending for a long period and then hit me in gallop.
Some already shaped me, some still are. Flow of time.. like water shaping the landscape and mountains.
Trying to pointout the experience not followed by natural cause and effect, definitely a lsd experience.
Way it plays with your senses is a complete circus. I've read a lot about it and saw lsd a lot of times.
I also know that first time is like the firs time so I took 1+ 1/3 of completly fresh Hoffman.
It's a dose that should make me realise why do people call it "trip".
How foolish and naive I was. I had no idea what I have done. Beside of crazy vision, hearing and sense of touch, it made me (like eventhorizon wrote in what you think topic) face the truth.
But not exactly the truth. There is no truth, it's a subjective thing, everyone has his own.
It made me face myself and thats the most frightening thing I've ever done.
Under the influence of lsd, it made me change the way I feel.
It's something I'll never do again and also an experience I don't want to change or forget.
There is no vocabulary to describe the feeling I had, past experiences I have traveled to and things that happend in my head.
It definitively changed the way I see the world, in a better way.
I'm not promoting drugs or usage of them.
Another side of this story is that it's a very dangerous mind teeter and that in some moments I was freaking out, it was way too intense
Most of experiences or events in my life were like pending for a long period and then hit me in gallop.
Some already shaped me, some still are. Flow of time.. like water shaping the landscape and mountains.
Trying to pointout the experience not followed by natural cause and effect, definitely a lsd experience.
Way it plays with your senses is a complete circus. I've read a lot about it and saw lsd a lot of times.
I also know that first time is like the firs time so I took 1+ 1/3 of completly fresh Hoffman.
It's a dose that should make me realise why do people call it "trip".
How foolish and naive I was. I had no idea what I have done. Beside of crazy vision, hearing and sense of touch, it made me (like eventhorizon wrote in what you think topic) face the truth.
But not exactly the truth. There is no truth, it's a subjective thing, everyone has his own.
It made me face myself and thats the most frightening thing I've ever done.
Under the influence of lsd, it made me change the way I feel.
It's something I'll never do again and also an experience I don't want to change or forget.
There is no vocabulary to describe the feeling I had, past experiences I have traveled to and things that happend in my head.
It definitively changed the way I see the world, in a better way.
I'm not promoting drugs or usage of them.
Another side of this story is that it's a very dangerous mind teeter and that in some moments I was freaking out, it was way too intense
Losing my Father to cancer and becoming a step-father…both happened within two months of each other back in 2008.
With my Father it taught me that you just never know how long anyone has here…and although we can shut ourselves in (or others out) for fear of disease or death and dying…you’d be already dead. Always tell your loved ones that you love them. Don’t part in anger. Don’t be afraid to let others know how you feel about them, because you may never get the chance to do any of those things.
And I don’t say that to a be a Debbie Downer…it’s just the nature of life.
And then I became a step-father to a little two year old boy who needed a Dad…when we went and visited the grave of my Father a few months after he passed…it was my Son…running and playing around the graves, oblivious to any rules of respectability that we are taught growing up…he was just - happy.
Life will always go on….it can never remain the same…that means that no matter how bad or sad things are…they cannot remain that way forever either.
With my Father it taught me that you just never know how long anyone has here…and although we can shut ourselves in (or others out) for fear of disease or death and dying…you’d be already dead. Always tell your loved ones that you love them. Don’t part in anger. Don’t be afraid to let others know how you feel about them, because you may never get the chance to do any of those things.
And I don’t say that to a be a Debbie Downer…it’s just the nature of life.
And then I became a step-father to a little two year old boy who needed a Dad…when we went and visited the grave of my Father a few months after he passed…it was my Son…running and playing around the graves, oblivious to any rules of respectability that we are taught growing up…he was just - happy.
Life will always go on….it can never remain the same…that means that no matter how bad or sad things are…they cannot remain that way forever either.
i feel like my whole life took place in these past five years.
1) staying in new york for 2 months after high school. my then-girlfriend and i stayed in new york and drove all around the east coast and saw things that would change the both of us and make us both a lot braver and more adventurous. ultimately it also broke us up, because i wound up moving to ireland and she moved to canada. but it was good, because it made us better and smarter people.
2) car accident with my dad. we were both okay, but it was probably the most scared that i have ever been in my life. it really stands out in my mind as a time when life and death became very real and present. the hassle with insurance companies afterwards jaded me considerably.
3) my ongoing conflict with my brother resulting in a violent altercation. my brother has always been very down on me and one time when he was driving me and my then-girlfriend back to our place, he pulled over to the side of the road and started yelling and punching everything in his car. my then-girlfriend yelled at me that we had to get the hell out of there. as we were getting away from him, he rushed over to us and spat at me. then he sat on a rock and looked like a psychopath. this was terrifying because i'd never seen him acting like this before. with no remorse. it's been two years since then, and i still don't talk to him. this incident haunts me to this day. i would forgive him if this was the first time that he was ever an asshole to me for no reason, but this started when i was a baby boy. i don't know how to handle this, because i don't want to deal with him but i don't want all of the negative emotions and anxiety that i live with because of him either.
i think that's it. those are the major ones either way.
(i love this thread! the stories are wonderful and i feel like i can truly appreciate how great that you all are when you open up this way)
1) staying in new york for 2 months after high school. my then-girlfriend and i stayed in new york and drove all around the east coast and saw things that would change the both of us and make us both a lot braver and more adventurous. ultimately it also broke us up, because i wound up moving to ireland and she moved to canada. but it was good, because it made us better and smarter people.
2) car accident with my dad. we were both okay, but it was probably the most scared that i have ever been in my life. it really stands out in my mind as a time when life and death became very real and present. the hassle with insurance companies afterwards jaded me considerably.
3) my ongoing conflict with my brother resulting in a violent altercation. my brother has always been very down on me and one time when he was driving me and my then-girlfriend back to our place, he pulled over to the side of the road and started yelling and punching everything in his car. my then-girlfriend yelled at me that we had to get the hell out of there. as we were getting away from him, he rushed over to us and spat at me. then he sat on a rock and looked like a psychopath. this was terrifying because i'd never seen him acting like this before. with no remorse. it's been two years since then, and i still don't talk to him. this incident haunts me to this day. i would forgive him if this was the first time that he was ever an asshole to me for no reason, but this started when i was a baby boy. i don't know how to handle this, because i don't want to deal with him but i don't want all of the negative emotions and anxiety that i live with because of him either.
i think that's it. those are the major ones either way.
(i love this thread! the stories are wonderful and i feel like i can truly appreciate how great that you all are when you open up this way)
My divorce. My husband was a narcissist and an emotional abuser. I went through a couple years of feeling like our dysfunctional relationship was all my fault until I finally woke up and realized I could do much better than someone who treated me like crap and expected me to financially support him the rest of his life. My family was behind me 100% and I found out who my real friends were. Let's just say the vast majority of friends I thought I had, weren't. It was a tough time to go through, but it made me a stronger person, grateful for genuine love and friendship whenever I find it.
[MENTION=12956]Zen Lizard[/MENTION] My mom was married to my dad and he was a narcissist as well! After years of manipulation, my mom finally opened her eyes and divorced him 4 years ago!
Btw, what is it with them not wanting to get up and provide for themselves?
Btw, what is it with them not wanting to get up and provide for themselves?
Right now certain things have happened last year that i don't have the courage, detachment and maybe the time to talk about it, are starting to shape certain parts of my mindset, like never, ever before. Also lots of things happening, new people coming, all at once, i can't seem to hold on into previous thoughts/patterns as i did before. I've been able to get more open about certain things as i get more self assured and confident, also a creative "explosion" with music and my songs are starting to shape up like i wanted to and struggled for so many years, painting with watercolors, parties, interesting people, new bandmates/musical partners, awesome books that i've been reading, doing fairly well at my job, feeling like i'm glowing sometimes, also low days that make me realize the need and the drive to shake off this residual psychological trauma/shame bullshit, and how the world turns up to be way more interesting than what it seemed to be years ago.
I'm pretty optimistic about this overall, although my head is straight, i know where to go, but it's a long way.
I'm pretty optimistic about this overall, although my head is straight, i know where to go, but it's a long way.
This is an awesome place with awesome people. Even though it hurst even more when reading that a lot of you here also lost parent or both.
In some strange way it's also comforting.. I'm not glad for what happend to you, I'm very sorry but seeing that you somehow managed to continue with your life makes me
feel like I'll manage also.. makes my burden a bit easier
In some strange way it's also comforting.. I'm not glad for what happend to you, I'm very sorry but seeing that you somehow managed to continue with your life makes me
feel like I'll manage also.. makes my burden a bit easier
- When I had to go closed mental ward/hospital for 3 months without my own wanting (I was 15), it was ''forced hospital referral'' not sure what it's called in English but... It was my first time in the ambulance and I was really suicidal, if I had not received help, I wouldn't be here today. I'm really thankful they helped me. All the people were so lovely and caring in the closed mental ward, I appreciate people who work in the hospitals so much now. This event changed my views of life very dramatically, I also got lot of confidence and trust back.
- When mom got really sick and I was very afraid of her life. Her both kidneys stopped working because she has had diabetes since she was 4 years old. It took only 6 months that she got a new kidney and a new pancreas at the same time (no diabetes anymore). It was really hard time for our whole family, I saw how her blood went to in and out of the machine which cleaned her blood. Creepy and sad... I just prayed every night that she could get the new kidney.
I still remember the night when mom got the special call from the hospital that they have founded a kidney and a pancreas for her! What an amazing moment. ;__; ♥
~Life is really precious, that's the thing which I've learned in these past years~
This is so heartwarming to read. I'm always pro psychological help, but my belief is often challenged by failure of those therapists to help a depressed person.
I feel so happy that they were able to change your view on life. That's exactly what they are for and they succeeded. I hope they make a lot of people capable of happiness.
Deaths obviously.
More profoundly for myself though is coming to terms with death and believing I would die sooner than later. Sickness that takes ykur ability to think clearly away and leads you to further question the possibility of existing after death. The world seems...less important overall now.
More profoundly for myself though is coming to terms with death and believing I would die sooner than later. Sickness that takes ykur ability to think clearly away and leads you to further question the possibility of existing after death. The world seems...less important overall now.