What kind of parent do/did you imagine yourself to be? | INFJ Forum

What kind of parent do/did you imagine yourself to be?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Jun 2, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    I've been thinking about this recently, now that many people in my age group are having kids.

    (Now, i remember another thread on this topic but i can't find it. But mods want to merge it with another thread, feel free. )


    If you're a parent, what kind of parent did you imagine yourself to be and how does it match with your actual experience of parenting?

    OR

    If you're not a parent, what kind of parent do you imagine yourself to be and why?
     
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    #1 Gaze, Jun 2, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010
  2. bamf

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    I hope that I'll be (if/when I have kids) a dad that my kids can depend on. I want to have an open relationship with my kids. I want to be there to support them, and not have them be afraid to talk with me. I want to be the fun parent that they can always count on. At the same time, I will lay down the law when necessary.

    I hope that through an open and approachable relationship, I can instill values in my kids that will leave them more than capable to handle themselves in their adult lives. I want to create a loving home atmosphere with a door that is always open. I want to be a parent that my kids can talk to when they do something wrong. I want to be able to guide them in finding solutions, but I don't want to be the hovering parent that is always involved. If my kid skips school, I want to be the dad that they can confess to. I want to use as little discipline as possible, but rather through discussion help them see their wrongs, and guide them to finding their own ways to rectify the situation. I want my kids to feel that their voice is valued in the family, and that we're all on the same level (in some sense)

    I want to be a parent first, and a friend second.
     
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  3. Jonathan

    Jonathan Community Member

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    I don't have kids, but I imagine myself to be an unorthodox parent that teaches their kids to thrive on what makes them unique individuals. I imagine myself being able to talk to them about anything, and instilling values in them in creative, non-traditional ways when appropriate. I think the fact that I was homeschooled and that those years were the best in my life influence how I look at parenting. When I lived a life separated from the social norm, I had a better sense of self, and my ability to learn and grow as a person without limits was great. My parents still taught me right from wrong and laid down the law like they should, but if I was interested in something, nothing was discouraged. I want to be like my parents were in that I would encourage creativity and imagination. If my kids end up being 'different' or 'weird', I think that's far better than having them be 'socialized' and put in a box, because I think that knowing who you are is more important than fitting the mould of what the government thinks it means to be successful. Also, my kids would be treated like people. I would value their thoughts and feelings, and treat them like people. I've seen so many parents that treat their kids like farm animals that they have to keep busy and out of their hair. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I'd rather spend time with them, teach them things, and talk to them about their concerns and questions about the world. Most of all, I want them to know that they are loved and that they can talk to me.

    Hopefully, I become that kind of parent. My own parents did such a great job, and they're always telling me I'll be an even better parent than they were. My mom had a similar idea of how to be a parent when she was my age, so hopefully it works out as well for my future children as it did for me.
     
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    #3 Jonathan, Jun 2, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010
  4. Ecton

    Ecton Community Member

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    I had thought I would be a lot more playful than I am. There is quite an energy difference between a 36 year old and a 3 year old!

    Also, I find that I have to be a lot more 'reactive' than I thought I would need to be. I still get some good INFJ proactive healing in the mix, but the reactive side of my parenting is much more intense than I ever imagined. I guess that's just the way it is. A lot less "How do you feel today?' and a whole lot more "Don't FEED SNAILS TO YOUR BROTHER!".
     
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    #4 Ecton, Jun 2, 2010
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  5. DefectiveCreative

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    Not a parent yet, but the stuff about INFP parents on this link ( http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP_rel.html ) is essentially how I expect myself to be, with extra emphasis on the stuff about respecting kid's individuality and a little less on the stuff about relying on a partner to handle all the discipline (I have some of my own ideas regarding discipline/punishment).
     
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    #5 DefectiveCreative, Jun 2, 2010
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  6. IndigoSensor

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    I have had a lot of people tell me I would make a great parent, but to be honest I am not so sure. I would like to think I would be a great parent, but I won't know till I put it to pratice (I would very much like to have a kid some day).

    The big thing I want is clear open honest communication. If the child does anything wrong or bad, I want them to know and understand what they did wrong, and why I am punishing them, I would never under any circumstances say "because I said so". I would never have the child perceive me to be some sort of absoulte order. In turn I want them to be completely honest with me. If they want to do something, ask me, I will try my best to allow them. If I were to find they didn't tell me (in particular if I would have allowed them to do something), then I would punish them. I want honesty, and open communication. I also would have no paients for mean/nasty behavior. If they were to do something to another that is mean or unfair I would let them know (if they keep doing it then I would punish them).

    A major issue is I am not so sure how well I would do with "imagination". I have a very bad tendancy to shoot down imaginative thoughts, and make them real. Pretend games make me unconfortalbe, and I would be very afraid of squashing the childs imagination and creativity.

    only time will tell.
     
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  7. Raccoon Love

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    I see myself as an open-minded parent. I would like honesty and communication which are very important to me. I would treat the child with kindness. I will encourage the child to explore new ideas and concepts. I would encourage reading, and studies. I always had the fantasy of giving them everything that I missed during my childhood, that they will live somewhere perfect with no suffering, and of course such ideals are very idealistic. My weaknesses would come in my lack of ability to say no and inability to impose any form of authority, I fear my emotions would easily be touched and I would be easily manipulated.
     
  8. OP
    Gaze

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    This is one of my greatest fears about parenting. I would love to see myself as a respectful but authoritative parent but i think i'd likely be the opposite. I may be much more lenient than i should or want to be, or more likely raise a child who is spoilt or who will get what they want without understanding and respecting authority or boundaries. I fear i'd be easily manipulated.

    Of course, the love would be there no matter what, and the desire to make sure they are taken care of and have what they need will definitely be fulfilled but the parenting aspect is what unnerves me.

    Would i be a consistent parent? Will i be able to prepare them for the real world? That's what i worry about.
     
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  9. Ecton

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    You'd be surprised how easy it is to be consistent. Before I was a parent I worried about consistency. Now I worry about being too blunt and too consistent.

    If its any consolation, based on what I read here, I think many of you would make excellent parents.
     
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  10. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    i'd give my kids a whole lot of leeway.. i'm big on autonomy
     
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  11. whytiger

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    I do and am. I have an ENTP and an ISTP though. They tend to take as much as they can get.

    I didn't imagine myself as a parent. I couldn't really fathom it. Now I don't know what I would do without them.
     
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  12. NeverAmI

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    I was talking to a woman I was helping at work and she mentioned she had a sports game to take her HS daughter to. I just can't imagine hauling a kid around to sports events and them actually expecting me to watch them. I really dislike sports, maybe something would change with having a child, but I dunno!

    It will be interesting to see how that pans out. :D

    I think helping my sister with her kids, which I did a lot a few years back, REALLY helped me develop my Fe and Te.

    My Te still really sucks, though.

    It is amazing how much a child can test anyone's patience when in charge of them. But you know sometimes you just KNOW you aren't ready to lead 3 kids for 24 hours, lol.
     
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  13. RecklessDreamer

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    I want to be a parent one day more than anything, but it makes me nervous. I know what I WANT to be, but I'm afraid I'll end up being like my parents, and that's the last thing I want. My parents are opposite- my dad is laid back and doesn't put many limits on me, and my mom is wayyy overbearing and wants to monitor my every move. I don't want to be either way with my kids, I just hope to find a happy medium when I'm a parent.
     
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  14. OP
    Gaze

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    How do you parent them both? Do you approach them differently? How do their personality types affect your parenting?
     
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  15. Questingpoet

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    I think the kind of parent I am is one who shows a lot of love. I make sure my kids know that they are wanted, valuable, and cherished. I think I'm supportive and try to let them try things out on their own, rather than just tell them something is not a good idea. Actually, I'll tell them but depending on what it is, I may let them try it anyways. We always learn best from those kind of mistakes, and it's better for kids to make them at home than when they get out on their own and its harder to correct things.

    My style of parenting is a little to laid back for some, but I've found kids will listen better if they respect you, not fear you as some parents try to do. I like to encourage creativity and free thinking. Humor is important to me too, I try to get my kids to laugh and joke--I think that's important. A bond with a child early on is important also, both to the child and the parent. Remember, you are not only teaching them to be good people, you are teaching them to be good parents too.
     
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  16. whytiger

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    I do treat them differently.

    My eldest, the ENTP, is deeply interested in fantasy and role playing, which is one of my interests too, so I do that with him, and together we create elaborate stories and worlds to explore. He's very argumentative (I never was) and needs gentle handling because he's so sensitive. It's easy to get into a fight with him, and he tends to do what he wants unless there's a clear consequence. He needs special handling.

    My ISTP is interested in sports, which was never an interest of mine, but I try to meet him half way. He's more insensitive to emotion and easier to settle into a routine than my older one, but he's always doing dangerous things, like climbing onto a fence rail. He's very physical and physically powerful, a fast runner for his age, lots of stamina, and an incredible throwing arm. I have no doubt he'll be a great athlete like my father (also an ISTP) if he so chooses.

    I try to respond to each of them the way that they prefer.
     
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