What is emotional maturity? | INFJ Forum

What is emotional maturity?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Sep 29, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    What is emotional maturity?



    Do you think it's important to achieve it? Why or why not?





    How do you achieve it?
     
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  2. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    I was under the impression my emotional maturity was pretty good, but apparently it isn't that good, it is alright, which is pretty much exactly how it feels. (hehe)

    This is something that I have been focusing on for a long time, trying to figure myself out and to get a handle on my negative emotions because they completely consume me sometimes. I think one reason why I was drawn to stay on these forums was the growth potential for myself in addition to all the wonderful people I have met.

    Perhaps initially I mistook what I wanted to be for what I was.

    Getting a handle on my emotions is pretty much getting a handle on life imo.
     
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  3. OP
    Gaze

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    +1. I'm working on this right now. This is why I was curious about it because i've been trying to think about how to manage my emotions more effectively.
     
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  4. KorJax

    KorJax Community Member

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    I feel like it's a balancing act. You gotta be able to recognize and watch out for when you are at your "instable" emotional peaks. Such as, when you are just STUPIDLY giddy about something or in that mood where you expect to have a "perfect moment/experience" with something or someone. Or when something makes you uncontrolably depressed and the frequency.

    But you gotta also be able recognize points what causes you to be emotionally flat lined, especially when you are a more T focused type.

    Once you can accurately judge your present self and who you are, you can better judge what kind of person you want to be to others and to yourself. Being able to control and/or even recognize your emotional peaks/flatlines so you can more logically/emotionally balance things out is when you achieve emotional maturity in my eyes at least.

    Sometimes it's impossible to see the whole picture in that way though unless you experience failure/success first hand in a way that challenges your maturity levels. I feel like those people who are more open minded with their self-development can catch on quicker and settle on themselves, than those who are not.
     
  5. Nighthawk

    Nighthawk Regular Poster

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    For me, emotional maturity came when I could down two pitchers of beer and still realize that every woman in the room was not attracted to me. Still more emotional maturity when I hit the point where I could still discern those I was not attracted to. This hit sometime in my 30's.

    In all seriousness though, I'm still not sure whether I have hit emotional maturity. My T is very strong and I can be quite logical, but matters of the heart and relationships sometimes leave me in a spin. My NF is helping me grow in this respect. It is an interesting process to say the least. I think it is important for me to achieve it ... particularly so I can make better relationship decisions.
     
    #5 Nighthawk, Sep 29, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2010
  6. invisible

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    i think part of this is to respect the emotions of others without getting caught up in them or letting them control us. someone told me this is called "detaching with love".

    i think part of it also as NAI wrote is an ability to prevent our own emotions from taking control of us. for example in delaying gratification. i've found that the best starting point for me has been to allow the emotion to happen, to recognise that it is happening and that it is okay for it to happen, while keeping in mind that i don't have to act on it, and that it isn't the be-all and end-all of reality, that there are other truths to what is happening apart from my own emotional truth.

    but i've heard that the step after that is choosing what emotions to have and what emotions not to have, being able to choose what to feel, as KorJax wrote, controlling our emotions. but i think that's advanced and i haven't quite figured that one out yet. i think that maybe part of it is in being able to perceive the potential positives of any situation or circumstance and to remain optimistic. still thinking about it though.
     
  7. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    Based on my experience.. it is being able to slow down before reacting, and weigh the consequences of an action... It's not being reactionary in other words (self control).
    It's also owning your own feelings and taking full responsibility for your emotions and how you behave or make decisions because of them.
    Also, it's being able to reach a level of introspection in which you become conscious of your issues and baggage and the patterns created as a result of those things going unchecked---and then you work on getting over those problems and being a better person.
     
  8. invisible

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    PS i dont think i'll ever be emotionally mature, maybe when i'm 85.
     
  9. OP
    Gaze

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    I don't think being emotionally mature means being perfect all the time. I think it's more the idea that as time goes by, we learn to manage our emotions more effectively so that we're not as easily overwhelmed or that we feel more confident about handling emotional issues without feeling out of control.
     
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  10. bagelriffic

    bagelriffic Community Member

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    yep couldn't agree more. the ability to be ok with the fact i'm angry, jealous, competitive "insert any socially undesirable trait here"

    to me the other aspect i consider emotional maturity is the ability to compromise with the above mentioned characteristics. so like if im mad, i'm going to compromise with how i react to it by letting someone know they've made me mad but tactfully instead of cleaning their clock which may be what i want to do. that way im not repressing anything, but still validating how i feel which is important.

    n2mention that being ok with how i feel helps me understand Why i feel that way to begin with as opposed to not acknowledging it as a valid reaction.
     
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  11. OP
    Gaze

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    yep. Very important.
     
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  12. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    As in life itself, we never stop moving towards this (emotional maturity) or we shouldn't at any rate. Sadly some do and stagnate. It's a journey that we won't fully complete I think. But we can grow in EM and reach a point of contentment I hope. I think its a combination of confidence, love of ones self, emapthy, and just plain control of emotions (instead of them controling us) that give us EM. It's also about reacting in a positive and constructive manner to the emotions of others. I don't think you have to restraint and bury emotions to achieve EM, instead you must reconginze your own personal emotions for what they are and what they do and mean to you. And act accordingly.

    If you are "emo", chose the proper time and place for strong emotion. If you are "cold" you still have feelings. Work on feeling comfortable with them. A wise man once said "this most of all. unto thine own self be true". This is the real key to EM. Take what you have and embrace it. Fe..errr..love does make the world go round. Combine it with control and you can do wonders.
     
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  13. OP
    Gaze

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    Well said.
     
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  14. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I think I'm emotionally mature.
    But I'm still opening to learning.
     
  15. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    +1
     
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