What do you think the MBTI would be of people who constantly complain?

[DonTaushMe]

I have a friend, a few friends and a couple family members that complain constantly. And it's not normal complaining, or what I would define as normal complaining... They get asked how their day was or why they are feeling a certain way and they just go off on a rant about whatever it is that's bothering them. Though when people usually complain, I find they are more asking for advice on how to fix the thing, but these particular people don't. In fact when given advice they either hang up or walk away perturbed, which in it's own is extremely peculiar... why would one refuse to listen and try to understand? But that's what these people do and now I'm wondering what would define their MBTI because it's 5 people I know of who do the exact same thing: constantly complain with an unwillingness to fix or understand the complaint and belittle or disregard others. What MBTI would that be?

 

[La Sagna]

That sounds a lot like an ESFJ friend of mine. She complains a lot and everything is everybody else's fault. However, I don't think it's unusual for people to not want advice. Often people just need to be listened to and they don't want to be told how to fix it.

I have to admit that although I don't complain very often, there are times when I have a bad day and I just want to be able to share what happened and I don't want to get some unsolicited advice. I just like to let off some steam. I find that at times like that advice can irritate me.

 

[DonTaushMe]

I understand what you're saying about wanting to just let off steam and not want advice in return, and with one of the five I know that she is doing exactly that because she has told me. Though in every case I ask if they want advice or not when they get snarky and they usually reply with a vocally elevated, "I don't know" or "Meh" or "Maybe" and from there I decide whether I'm allowed to share my opinions or not. So in that sense when I give advice its not unsolicited at all, but they still end the conversation in aggravation. But that's not really my problem though because I understand that aspect. When I talk to someone and complain it's more of me working out the problem as I am talking so the less I am interrupted the happier I am because I am coming to the conclusion as I speak and am sharing it with whomever, so I understand not wanting advice or even not wanting to be interrupted... but these people just complain all the time. And I know for a fact that it's not me, they just complain to everyone all the time lol. What is it though that would make someone complain so much and never try to make things better? I'll have to look up the traits of an ESFJ.

 

[DonTaushMe]

That sounds a lot like an ESFJ friend of mine.

Looked up ESFJ and I'm pretty sure I knew someone like that, she was a pretty amazing person and any time she complained, if she ever complained, she welcomed every and all advice. Always happy, always loving, she was a very best friend of mine.

I'm pretty sure that these people would be classified as Introvert. Whether or not they choose to not be around people vs are unable to because no one likes to stick around a complainer for so long, well, your guess is as good as mine. But Introvert would be the only thing I'd be ok with classifying them as on my own knowledge.

 

[La Sagna]

Looked up ESFJ and I'm pretty sure I knew someone like that, she was a pretty amazing person and any time she complained, if she ever complained, she welcomed every and all advice. Always happy, always loving, she was a very best friend of mine.

I'm pretty sure that these people would be classified as Introvert. Whether or not they choose to not be around people vs are unable to because no one likes to stick around a complainer for so long, well, your guess is as good as mine. But Introvert would be the only thing I'd be ok with classifying them as on my own knowledge.

That's interesting. In my experience the extroverts are the ones who like to verbalize their complaints. The introverts may be miserable but they are usually miserable quietly. My dad is also an ESFJ and he also complains a lot. I don't really give either my friend or dad too much advice because I think they just like to hear themselves complain and nothing I say would really get through.

Here are some possible negative traits of ESFJ. These may be somewhat exagerated for most ESFJs but I think there is a grain of truth there.

Without a sound appreciation of the concrete world, an ESFJ may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

• May be unable to correctly judge what really is for the best

• May become spiteful and extremely intractable in the face of clear, logical reasoning

• May be unable to shrug off feelings that others are not "good people"

• May be unable to acknowledge anything that goes against their certainty about the "correct" or "right" way to do things

• May attribute their own problems to arbitrary and unprovable notions about the way people "ought" to behave

• May be at a loss when confronted with situations that require basic technical expertise or clear thinking

• May be oblivious to all but their own viewpoint, valuing their own viewpoint, valuing their own certainties to the exclusion of others

• May be unable to understand verbal logic, and quickly cut off other's explanations

• May be falsely certain of the true needs and feeling of others

• May be extremely vulnerable to superstitions, religious cults, and media manipulation

• May react too quickly and too emotionally in a situation better dealt with in a more pragmatic fashion


I may seem like I am critical of ESFJs but I do care very deeply for both of the ESFJs in my life.

I also find that the ESTJs I know complain a fair bit and don't really want advice.

My son is an ISTP and he can be very negative but he doesn't usually share his thoughts unless he is pushed.

 

[DonTaushMe]

• May be unable to shrug off feelings that others are not "good people"

The bullet points do sound like things these people complain about. And maybe they are Extroverts and because they've ruined their relationships with others by complaining they're bitter and complaining even more so? A part of me wants to ask them but I'm very doubtful they've ever taken the test and I'd really rather not explain to them my reasoning as to why. I can't think up an excuse that isn't semi offensive and am a very bad liar lol...

 

[Quiet]

[MENTION=10166]DonTaushMe[/MENTION]

Being a whingeybum has nothing to do with mbti.
Its hard to say exactly why they are complaining, but it probably has to do with feelings of lack, dissatisfaction, disempowerment, and an attachment/identification to this negative state. They probabaly need to feel validated and understood.

Listening to whinging is very bad for the health. If possible, see if you can hear them out fully in Love. Then see if you can help them see that they are empowered to change their situation. Help them understand that their identity does not have to be attached to the negative situation. If you cannot do this, or if they are unwilling to hear you, then let it go. Tell them that their negativity effects you and you dont like it. If they keep whinging, you will probably just have to remove yourself from the situation when it occurs. Theres no point whinging if theres no body there to hear it. Complaining needs an audience

 

[say what]

I agree that complaining is extremely bad for your health, and can be toxic to be around- as it's often contagious. I have a family member who is CONSTANTLY complaining about things...the silliest things, like what someone said on TV, or the fridge door not closing. I have a super small 3 person family, and she's the only (e). Sometimes I think she does it because she doesn't like the silence, and she feels she always needs to fill the air with words...while myself and my mother can be quiet.

She is also, like you mentioned, the type of person that just erupts and then is fine- she needs to blow off steam. But from experience, if you're not like this, it can be bad for you.

Perhaps try and talk to them about it (although, they might get defensive)...otherwise, start distancing yourself when they're like that. it's tough!

 

[DonTaushMe]

Listening to whinging is very bad for the health.

I agree that complaining is extremely bad for your health, and can be toxic to be around- as it's often contagious.

You guys are completely right, I need to get away, it is effecting my health now. I live with family members that are depressed, one in particular takes a tole on the others and in turn takes a tole on me. It has come to the point where no one says anything to the depressed member, my brother, and in turn he just gets worse. In fact it's past that point; everyone simply feels that they are not able to speak to him. Last night I reached a breaking point. Something as simple as taking a shower, not smelling like filth and BO you would think shouldn't have to be pushed, shouldn't have to be reminded or said. But it does need to be said, and it can't be for whatever reason. It's one thing to feel trapped by your friends that you can see whenever you'd like and avoid whenever you wouldn't want to see them, it is a very different thing to be trapped by the people you live with and are unable to get away from. Who knows, if I do maybe I'll be able to better sustain those who complain and find a way to communicate to them. Though as it is now I'm spread pretty thin. Thank you both for your input as it validates my own concern for my health and will help me make progress in fixing the situation.

 

[Quiet]

You guys are completely right, I need to get away, it is effecting my health now. I live with family members that are depressed, one in particular takes a tole on the others and in turn takes a tole on me. It has come to the point where no one says anything to the depressed member, my brother, and in turn he just gets worse. In fact it's past that point; everyone simply feels that they are not able to speak to him. Last night I reached a breaking point. Something as simple as taking a shower, not smelling like filth and BO you would think shouldn't have to be pushed, shouldn't have to be reminded or said. But it does need to be said, and it can't be for whatever reason. It's one thing to feel trapped by your friends that you can see whenever you'd like and avoid whenever you wouldn't want to see them, it is a very different thing to be trapped by the people you live with and are unable to get away from. Who knows, if I do maybe I'll be able to better sustain those who complain and find a way to communicate to them. Though as it is now I'm spread pretty thin. Thank you both for your input as it validates my own concern for my health and will help me make progress in fixing the situation.

Im sorry its like that. It terrible having to walk on egg shells in your own home, the place you're meant to feel comfortable and at home.

Is it possible to have a household discussion? Where everyone talks openly and breaks the tension?

Hope everything gets easier and more peaceful for everyone. Take care of yourself, and make time just for you, completely at peace. The more peace you feel, the more you will be able to sustain it, and you will be able to share your peace with those around you. You have to start with yourself first, so you have stores to share with everyone else. Good luck with everything

 

[Shaqie]

I think this question is irrelevant.
All types could complain constantly. I remember myself complain constantly (INFJ), I remember also and ENFP and ISTJ complain constantly. The type does not matter that much, if not at all.

 

[DonTaushMe]

Im sorry its like that. It terrible having to walk on egg shells in your own home, the place you're meant to feel comfortable and at home.
Is it possible to have a household discussion? Where everyone talks openly and breaks the tension?

The last time we had a family discussion my brother, the one who is depressed, started screaming like a banshee at all of us. We haven't had a family discussion since and that was years and years ago. Since then he's just gotten worse. Suffice to say it's pretty out of the question.

For me right now I am on disability and for good reason though since being on it I have really taken charge of getting healthy, through health care providers and psychical activity and just eating all around better. I am actually really thankful that I signed up for it simply because my insurance was leaving and there would have been no money to find out I have various symptoms such as PCOS and extreme allergies to all air born allergens for the exception of 6 -there are 50. Getting these things treated and being able to treat them has made a really great change in just my quality of life. But the road block to me getting even better, independent and self reliant, would be living here. That being said the thing that does have me anxious is that I don't own my own car anymore and still have doctor appointments to go to so that would be something for me to have to figure out. It's a process, and I wish that it wasn't as I am impatient and the fact that I could loose steam in going ahead is a very big possibility. None the less, I need to try. That's really all I can do right now, is just try.

 

[DonTaushMe]

I think this question is irrelevant.
All types could complain constantly. I remember myself complain constantly (INFJ), I remember also and ENFP and ISTJ complain constantly. The type does not matter that much, if not at all.

I am starting to believe you are right as I have asked one of the five what their MBTI was and she replied with ENFP. To say the least I was a little shocked. To an extent I wish that I could just fit people in to molds of, "this person is this and that is why they are this way" just so I can better understand how to deal with them as a whole, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I really do just need to avoid them though, especially at this time.

 

[Shaqie]

I am starting to believe you are right as I have asked one of the five what their MBTI was and she replied with ENFP. To say the least I was a little shocked. To an extent I wish that I could just fit people in to molds of, "this person is this and that is why they are this way" just so I can better understand how to deal with them as a whole, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I really do just need to avoid them though, especially at this time.

Number one. Of Course I am right!
Number two. If people are pessimistic pieces of s''t, ignore them, or downright tell them!

 

[DonTaushMe]

If people are pessimistic pieces of s''t, ignore them, or downright tell them!

Lol I wish I could. I'm not very open with how the demeanor of others effects me so in the beginning of things I am very nice, or simply just brush it off. And as it becomes a cycle that they keep repeating after I have been nice I go through a kind of emotional turmoil where I either yell at them and burn bridges between myself and them or simply go away from them, though in the case of my family whom I live with there isn't any easy way out.

I wish I could just simply say things to the people in my life though because they are in my life and not strangers I can get away from or rather people I feel I owe something to I always feel bad after saying anything. That would seem to be my own cross to bear and hopefully get over.