What are the causes that lead to feelings of inferiority?

[LucyJr]

Psychology today screams about "self-esteem", "healthy self-perception" and all this stuff about personal image, how one perceives himself, self-respect and so on.
My thinking is that feelings of inferiority in time develop what is called a low self-esteem, so it all starts from there. But then what is the cause of feelings of inferiority, what do you think causes them?

And another question, do you think a proper view of self has to do with something that is intrinsically valuable, the individual itself?
In other words, a man ought to feel proper and in high esteem of himself in the virtue of simply being a person, or due to some qualities, abilitites and so on?
To give a example, I've met people who are intelligent and very good looking, but their person does not impose respect, while I met person's who were plain ugly and even stupid sometimes (like at math, sciences and those stuffs), but you could not do anything but to give them respect, they would impose respect.
Of course, I'm asking this in a teoretical sense, because in a practical sense things are very different.

And I would be very happy if [MENTION=4115]Lark[/MENTION] would honor us with his presence in this thread, give his opinion hopefuly.

 

[Odyne]

I'm surprised this thread got completely overlooked. I think topics like that are what people should be reflecting extensively.

First of all, I think that a person's worth is intrinsic and a proof of it should never be demanded. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Society is putting pressure on people to prove their place and worth in it left and right. Through aesthetics, through status, etc.

I don't believe a child is born thinking they are worthless or inferior. A child is told they are so. And if told so consistently, by various ways, while growing up, they will develop a feeling of inferiority.

I guess part of developing and building character is to grow immune to such obvious or subliminal messages that we are bombarded with every second of our existence.

The key to life and happiness, I believe, is to seek personal growth and fulfillment in the way you want for yourself. While the journey maybe challenging, and it will be, I don't think the idea itself should be any more complicated than that. Or rather, it should be simple; enlightenment.


As to having other people's respect, it has to do with people's perceptions, and different people see things differently. It has nothing to do with your value as a person or your worth as an individual. Because it is absolute and incontestable.


That's my opinion.

 

[Lark]

This is a good thread, I'm going to give it some thought and read a bit before I comment at any length.

I'm not sure the ability to impose respect is the same as self-esteem, some people from inferiority feelings strive for greatness and in some ways achieve it, its were the popular idea of "small man syndrome" comes from, ie stalin, napoleon etc. but also were Adler derived a lot of his own distinct from Freudian, theories of analytical psychology, positing that the will to power and inferiority complexes, usually arising from some sort of perceived inadequecacy in the self such as a physical disability, are pivotal to everyone's lives.

 

[sprinkles]

Define inferiority. There's different kinds of inferiority - which are we referring to? There's skillwise inferiority, social inferiority, etc.

Moreover we should also probably look at how the worth of a human can be defined in various ways, and all the different metrics that people tend to use such as talent, charisma, and so forth.

To the point, somebody who feels inferior to a person who is a social success may be different from somebody who feels inferior to a person who does a better job at a given task. Esteem can also depend on whether you believe there's an inherent base value that doesn't depend on merit - i.e. the idea that all humans are worth something no matter their status, abilities, or talents.

I bring this up because some people don't have enough self criticism - they think they are perfectly awesome because they've always been told to be proud of their self and believe in their self BUT when it comes to certain tasks, they are very bad and don't see it. This kind of does matter when somebody is expected to do an adequate job for example, but they refuse to accept criticism or undergo any self improvement because they believe they're good (and they're not)

 

[Odyne]

I bring this up because some people don't have enough self criticism - they think they are perfectly awesome because they've always been told to be proud of their self and believe in their self BUT when it comes to certain tasks, they are very bad and don't see it. This kind of does matter when somebody is expected to do an adequate job for example, but they refuse to accept criticism or undergo any self improvement because they believe they're good (and they're not)

I see your point, but I think what's happening here is that we would be measuring our worth as people through competency, and that's a problematic way to see it. I think that's what the OP was alluding to when they brought up the situation of respect vs intelligence.

Seeking personal growth should stem from the desire to achieve our potential, not to overcompensate for the absence of a specific skill that the rest of society deems important. I think we would be toeing the ethical line of who's worth existing and who isn't.

 

[sprinkles]

I see your point, but I think what's happening here is that we would be measuring our worth as people through competency, and that's a problematic way to see it. I think that's what the OP was alluding to when they brought up the situation of respect vs intelligence.

Seeking personal growth should stem from the desire to achieve our potential, not to overcompensate for the absence of a specific skill that the rest of society deems important. I think we would be toeing the ethical line of who's worth existing and who isn't.

Yes, conflation of competency with human value is a thing that people do some times.

However I'd argue that not all worth is the same nor created equal. You can be valued as a human being but still bad at checkers, so in a sense technically inferior, but this does not mean 'worthless'.

 

[LucyJr]

Its cool...more opinions please....

 

[sprinkles]

Or to take another approach:

The concept of worth must be applied to a scope, and the concept of worth from a narrow scope - e.g. work competence - is often misapplied to the broader scope.

 

[La Sagna]

I believe that every human life is intrinsically of value. Someone's worth isn't determined by their accomplishments. Some of the things that people do that are the bravest and most worthy of admiration and respect are done in a low-key and private manner so that no one or few ever find out about it. The people that I know that are the happiest and most at peace with themselves are the ones that live a life in accordance to their personal values. Some of them have been through terrible things in their lives but you wouldn't know that when you meet them.

One lady that I know is absolutely gorgeous and always dressed very classy with perfect hair and make-up and walks around with an air of dignity. She is also a smart business woman, very rich, and has a heart of gold. When people meet her I think they are probably intimidated by her because she seems so perfect and like she could have whatever she wants. What many don't know is that she was in an outwardly successful marriage with a well-regarded and very rich man but that he was controlling and physically abusive. She ended up leaving him with nowhere to go and he controlled their two children and convinced them to stay away from their mother so that she was estranged from them for a long time. When I met her she was in a difficult period as she was still estranged from her children but I would never have known that at the time. She looked like she had everything under control and was always smiling and charming. I found out her story later and I was shocked as I would never have guessed. She found solace in her faith and in working at helping others. She has also been single since she left her husband a very long time ago. We all think that she must have men lined up to be with her as everyone that I know that have met her have thought she was one of the most attractive woman they have ever met, but apparently she hasn't found one that she feels comfortable enough to be with. You never know the stories behind the people you meet. There are people that are very good at acting in a dignified and confidant manner when in public even when their lives are not as good as people would believe.

I personally believe that self-esteem is built when you are a child. If you feel loved and accepted just the way you are when you are young then you build up intrinsic self-esteem which helps you throughout your life. I was very lucky to have parents who made me feel loved and who never made me feel like I was disappointing them even when I wasn't perfect. This helped me to have a basic level of self-esteem so that when I went through periods of my life where I knew I was being judged and treated unfairly by others or when I messed up in some way I still knew deep down that I was a good and worthy person. This is different than parents who falsely try to build up their children's self-esteem by making them out to be little gods who can do no wrong and who get everything they ask for. That is a recipe for low self-esteem. What I mean is the opportunity to be yourself, which includes facing consequences when you do something wrong (in a kind and respectful manner) and to be allowed to fail with loving support and acceptance.

 

[Eventhorizon]

When I was around the age of 8 up until I wil 15 or so, I felt inferior to adults. Kids my age, I was simply annoyed with. More interested in eating glue or drooling on themselves etc... from about 15 to 21, before I had any clear direction of what I was going to do with my life, I felt inferior to those who were doing something, going to college or already making decent money in the work force. I remember thinking, how did they figure it out when I had not? Was I ignorant?
One day I realized no one knows what they are doing. Many people who seemed to figured out what they were doing early on were simply following planned paths. They are good followers.
I would suggest to you that feelings of inferiority stem from a lack of understanding other people. You may think they have their sh!t together when in reality they arent as aware. I would and do go through life knowing that I am not more important than anyone else but likewise no on is more important than me. Do your best to keep an open mind, never stop learning. You should never feel inferior to anyone though feeling different is ok if not accurate.

 

[bagelriffic]

To answer the op question: fear. We can stop at guilt/shame, identification with Freuds super ego, but the bottom line is fear of the authoritarian figure of your childhood, thus fear of castration thus repression of certain aspects of ourselves thus self-image/inauthenticity and so on.

The difference between those who command respect and those who desire approval is merely identification. The assertive type identifies with the father figure to defend against fears of castration, the latter, approval of said figure, for the same reason.

In a recent lecture I was listening of Alan Watts he suggested every person should contemplate two things in their lifetime. One is that you're going to die, the other is that you might be completely selfish. That you are 'a complete rascal' as he put it.

 

[BrokenDaniel]

Some people happen to be more sensitive than others, also early years play a role on this, but in any case every kind of setback can make a person "fall" into self doubt, personally i think it's intrinsic to human nature, in varying degrees from person to person. So to answer the question, feelings of inferiority are universal, no one seems to be immune to them.
Commanding respect is quite easy, it's just acting imo, you can "do" confidence without feeling confident most of the time. Also there's a lot of subjectivity there. Lots of people who are very well respected in the media, or social circles shouldn't be respected at all imo. Also lots of seemingly confident people are really insecure, and by the end, i don't think it's a bad thing at all, it's natural.

I'm a very insecure person myself, can't say that i command respect always, although (and i hope i don't sound silly saying this) i got a lot of feedback from close people (friends, family, girlfriends) that i am very well respected among people generally. Thing is, that there's always that little worm inside telling me how worthless i am, regardless of what people say, it's just how it is. There may be lots of reasons for that, like early family issues and instability, lack of reassurance, difficulty to socialize back in school, but even that way, can't say that parents are the ones to blame, certainly these situations made things difficult, but i don't see them as cause, at least not completely, also it wasn't that bad either. It's almost like if my eyes (metaphorically speaking) automatically fell on what's wrong with me and everyone, regardless of how things are going, always had this intrinsic idea that i was a loser, finding ways to cope with that was difficult because that's all that you can do, "cope", because getting over that it's something that i'm not even close to achieve. Guess i was born with this, or at least prone to have a really bad self perception, which i try to change by pushing harder and cover it when necessary, doesn't mean that low self esteem should paralyze someone, if anything it's what makes me to try harder, push my boundaries, and do things better and hopefully see a way out.

 

[LucyJr]

I personally believe that self-esteem is built when you are a child. If you feel loved and accepted just the way you are when you are young then you build up intrinsic self-esteem which helps you throughout your life. I was very lucky to have parents who made me feel loved and who never made me feel like I was disappointing them even when I wasn't perfect. This helped me to have a basic level of self-esteem so that when I went through periods of my life where I knew I was being judged and treated unfairly by others or when I messed up in some way I still knew deep down that I was a good and worthy person. This is different than parents who falsely try to build up their children's self-esteem by making them out to be little gods who can do no wrong and who get everything they ask for. That is a recipe for low self-esteem. What I mean is the opportunity to be yourself, which includes facing consequences when you do something wrong (in a kind and respectful manner) and to be allowed to fail with loving support and acceptance.

This is Freud's idea too of how a healthy self-esteem is build.

 

[LucyJr]

When I was around the age of 8 up until I wil 15 or so, I felt inferior to adults. Kids my age, I was simply annoyed with. More interested in eating glue or drooling on themselves etc... from about 15 to 21, before I had any clear direction of what I was going to do with my life, I felt inferior to those who were doing something, going to college or already making decent money in the work force. I remember thinking, how did they figure it out when I had not? Was I ignorant?
One day I realized no one knows what they are doing. Many people who seemed to figured out what they were doing early on were simply following planned paths. They are good followers.
I would suggest to you that feelings of inferiority stem from a lack of understanding other people. You may think they have their sh!t together when in reality they arent as aware. I would and do go through life knowing that I am not more important than anyone else but likewise no on is more important than me. Do your best to keep an open mind, never stop learning. You should never feel inferior to anyone though feeling different is ok if not accurate.

You actualy (attempted) answered to the thread questions, thanks!

I agree, I think feeling inferior to another human being is intrinsicaly a lack of dignity, something that is stupid, althought few people realise it.
After all, many people do expect to make others feel inferior, they enjoy in it, they think its their right, they are entitled to it. Others believe exactly the reverse: they have born to be inferior, unlike others, who are in the superior team, and its one of the hard facets of life, a karma, something that needs to be accepted as a fact, and one can not fight against it.


Althought I agreee that some people are better then others and more worthy of respect, I don't think that people that seek good and are "people of good" should feel inferior or superior to eachother in a fundamental sense.
I don't think one can put Stalin near mother Teresa and say: Well look, two wonderful human beings, they are both equal in worthiness!

 

[LucyJr]

This is a good thread, I'm going to give it some thought and read a bit before I comment at any length.

I'm not sure the ability to impose respect is the same as self-esteem, some people from inferiority feelings strive for greatness and in some ways achieve it, its were the popular idea of "small man syndrome" comes from, ie stalin, napoleon etc.

But surely the ability to impose respect comes from self-esteem. If one does not have self-esteem, how he can demand respect from others and act like he is a respectful person?

but also were Adler derived a lot of his own distinct from Freudian, theories of analytical psychology, positing that the will to power and inferiority complexes, usually arising from some sort of perceived inadequecacy in the self such as a physical disability, are pivotal to everyone's lives.

Yeah, I have one single problem with those kind of theories.
And that is: they could be true, or they could be not. The exxplanations make sense somehow, but that doesn't mean are true. Another psychologist could come and invent another story, more interesting, and making more "sense", which also could be just as further from the truth.

 

[Lark]

I see your point, but I think what's happening here is that we would be measuring our worth as people through competency, and that's a problematic way to see it. I think that's what the OP was alluding to when they brought up the situation of respect vs intelligence.

Seeking personal growth should stem from the desire to achieve our potential, not to overcompensate for the absence of a specific skill that the rest of society deems important. I think we would be toeing the ethical line of who's worth existing and who isn't.

Your posts are interesting and I must say that my gut reaction is to agree.

On the other hand I know that those sentiments can be and are throughly corrupted also, there is a generation of people who believe that simply because they are who they are and are simply being that they deserve respect, recognition, all the good things in life etc.

One of the greatest illustrations of what I'm talking about on film is in the movie Everybody's Fine with Robert De Niro, his character is part of the older generation and he meets a member of the younger generation begging in the street, he asks them if they need any help, meaning a hand up rather than a hand out and when they arent going to get any money they get aggressive, abusive and even do so far as to destroying medication which De Niro's character is dependent upon to survive. I know of a couple of similar tragic stories from real life, I lived in Dublin nine or ten years ago and read about someone who took their wallet out to give a beggar spare change, they got robbed, they went back with a golf club to get their wallet back and it all ended with the beggar guy getting pitched into the river and dying, the other guy getting a stretch in prison.

What are your views about this sort of catch?

 

[Lark]

But surely the ability to impose respect comes from self-esteem. If one does not have self-esteem, how he can demand respect from others and act like he is a respectful person?

I've known plenty of people to demand rather than deserve respect, I know a lot of people who I respect who dont have great self-esteem and they struggle with it evidently, then again I'm maybe not a good person to ask because I wouldnt have supported Hitler or any other charismatic leader like him which I find the vast majority of people are quick to respect.

Yeah, I have one single problem with those kind of theories.
And that is: they could be true, or they could be not. The exxplanations make sense somehow, but that doesn't mean are true. Another psychologist could come and invent another story, more interesting, and making more "sense", which also could be just as further from the truth.

I think you might like Adler then, he was the first to split from Freud and pretty much did so for the reason you outlined there, he thought that anything could be one thing but it could equally be something else. I dont believe he was as good or interesting as Freud or Jung but I know he dealt specifically with feelings of inferiority and striving making that the cornerstone of his ideas as opposed to oepidus complexes or archetypes.

 

[LucyJr]

In a recent lecture I was listening of Alan Watts he suggested every person should contemplate two things in their lifetime. One is that you're going to die, the other is that you might be completely selfish. That you are 'a complete rascal' as he put it.

I like what Alan Wattts said, and I think its true.

 

[Eventhorizon]

You actualy (attempted) answered to the thread questions, thanks!

I agree, I think feeling inferior to another human being is intrinsicaly a lack of dignity, something that is stupid, althought few people realise it.
After all, many people do expect to make others feel inferior, they enjoy in it, they think its their right, they are entitled to it. Others believe exactly the reverse: they have born to be inferior, unlike others, who are in the superior team, and its one of the hard facets of life, a karma, something that needs to be accepted as a fact, and one can not fight against it.


Althought I agreee that some people are better then others and more worthy of respect, I don't think that people that seek good and are "people of good" should feel inferior or superior to eachother in a fundamental sense.
I don't think one can put Stalin near mother Teresa and say: Well look, two wonderful human beings, they are both equal in worthiness!

Ahhh..... Hitler and Mother Teresa. I see now. Hitler deserves to be removed from life but what does Mother Teresa deserve and who decides either? How do you decide where you fit between the two...

I do not believe we are being judged by angone but ourselves. I do not believe I am owed or am indebted to anyone or anything other than what I decide. Do I feel inferior to Hitler, no. Do I feel superior to Hitler, no. If I knew I could save lives by killing him I would kill him with my own hands. Mother Teresa was selfish. She helped people because she liked how it made her feel. Both of these people made choices in life just as I have.

I do feel respect for people who over come incredible pain and suffering and get on with their lives as best as possible. People that help other people etc... But, life isnt an easy thing. That anyone gets out of bed every morning with all of the questions they have that will never be answered in a universe more apt to kill them than not makes them pretty incredible. We are all brothers and sisters in this endeavor.

Huh I just got up

 

[Lark]

To be honest I think self-esteem can stem from confidence in your own competence and that in turn can stem from a healthy, ie accurate, attunement to reality, you neither catastrophise nor minimise/idealise events or circumstances, as a result do not experience stress and anxiety attacks, and as a result can comprehend consequences and engage well in consequential thinking.

This isnt necessarily competence in the sense of saleable skills, its ability to interact with others, understand others, accept reality as it is.

I think this needs a lot of basic needs to be met early on in life, like the first couple of months of life, by great parents and all the advantages of a good home life and at least minimising trauma outside the home OR if this hasnt happened then some kind of decent coping strategies developed as a consequence of insight into the legacies of a poor start in life.

Good self esteem, as I understand it, means that people dont need a lot of ego-defenses as a maladaptive coping strategy, they arent going to be rocked to heavily for the worse by external events.

Now that stoicism, problem solving ability and clear thinking which I all think go along with that state of being can evoke the respect of others, maybe not, if they are dicks or self-absorbed.