unusual upbringing?

[kita]

I think I had a basically normal childhood, but there were a few quirks compared to the other children I knew that I feel helped shape my personality.

.Atheist parents.
.Very limited contact with extended family - my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents lived across the country.
.My INTJ father was the primary caregiver to me and my little brother. I'm pretty sure I was the only girl in kindergarten whose father put barrettes in her hair every morning.



Is there something different about your childhood that seems to be significant when you think about your personality?

 

[Melkor]

I had a miserable childhood which I look back upon fondly.

 

[Bird]

Yes.


I don't feel comfortable disclosing some things.
But I definitely feel as though events that happened
when I was little have had a significant role in
determining who I am as a person and have affected
my personality. I personally believe that most introverts
have been traumatized emotionally in some way whether
it be repressed or they are aware of it or not.



Oh, and Kita.
My dad braided my hair every morning for me before
kindergarten.

 

[rogarn]

My parents divorce when i was four exaggerated the worse parts of INTJ behavior. It made me very unstable. That combined with an elementary school that consisted of no more then two hundred students meant that i was forced to interact with many people i didn't wish to on a daily basis for years.

I would like to believe that i am on my way to becoming a healthy INTJ, but i realize that I still have a long way to go. My recovery from my half self induced trauma has been a long road that I think will make me a stronger person then I would have been without it.

 

[kita]

Oh, and Kita.
My dad braided my hair every morning for me before
kindergarten.

Very cute. I think that is one of my favorite childhood memories, even though it always looked terrible.

 

[NiennaLadyOfTears]

Here's my unusual upbringing (posted before on this site on another thread).

Unfortunately for me, I'm not making any of this up:

I was the epitome of sheltered.

1. Made to dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder on a daily basis.
2. The word "date" was a swear word in my house
3. Homeschooled from preschool.
4. Was not allowed to watch movies
5. We had no television
6. Was not allowed to listen to anything other than classical music or hymns
7. Was not allowed to associate with non-homeschoolers of my age group
8. Was not allowed to get a job as long as I lived at home
9. Was not allowed to wear heels, makeup, shirts with sleeves shorter than the elbow and necklines deeper than the top of the collarbones, or skirts shorter than ankle length (they could be mid-calf length if I wore boots) as only whores wore that kind of clothing. (note: I don't agree)
10. Was expected to accept an arranged marriage
11. Was not taught how to drive because of fears that I would be made too independent
12. Was not allowed to leave the house without an adult chaperone (even for a walk around the block)
13. Was not allowed to do anything that might cause me to break my hymen
14. Was not allowed to use a computer under any circumstances
15. Had to be in bed by 8:00 PM, lights off at 9:00 PM, even when I was living at home as an adult.
16. Was not allowed to cut my hair (I lost it to alopecia later on, and was expected to wear a waist-length wig in compensation) and had to keep it covered at all times
17. Was not allowed to even say "hi" to a boy under any circumstances (I broke this one all the time), however if a married man greeted me I could respond in kind.
18. Ate a completely raw food diet (uncooked veggies, fruits, nuts, and oils) for my entire life.
19. Tasted my first french fry at 24 years old.
20. All books had to be read by my mother prior to my reading them.

 

[Bird]

Very cute. I think that is one of my favorite childhood memories, even though it always looked terrible.

Yeah, my dad was NOT very good at plaiting, hahaha.

 

[rogarn]

Here's my unusual upbringing (posted before on this site on another thread).

Unfortunately for me, I'm not making any of this up:

I was the epitome of sheltered.

1. Made to dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder on a daily basis.
2. The word "date" was a swear word in my house
3. Homeschooled from preschool.
4. Was not allowed to watch movies
5. We had no television
6. Was not allowed to listen to anything other than classical music or hymns
7. Was not allowed to associate with non-homeschoolers of my age group
8. Was not allowed to get a job as long as I lived at home
9. Was not allowed to wear heels, makeup, shirts with sleeves shorter than the elbow and necklines deeper than the top of the collarbones, or skirts shorter than ankle length (they could be mid-calf length if I wore boots) as only whores wore that kind of clothing. (note: I don't agree)
10. Was expected to accept an arranged marriage
11. Was not taught how to drive because of fears that I would be made too independent
12. Was not allowed to leave the house without an adult chaperone (even for a walk around the block)
13. Was not allowed to do anything that might cause me to break my hymen
14. Was not allowed to use a computer under any circumstances
15. Had to be in bed by 8:00 PM, lights off at 9:00 PM, even when I was living at home as an adult.
16. Was not allowed to cut my hair (I lost it to alopecia later on, and was expected to wear a waist-length wig in compensation) and had to keep it covered at all times
17. Was not allowed to even say "hi" to a boy under any circumstances (I broke this one all the time), however if a married man greeted me I could respond in kind.
18. Ate a completely raw food diet (uncooked veggies, fruits, nuts, and oils) for my entire life.
19. Tasted my first french fry at 24 years old.
20. All books had to be read by my mother prior to my reading them.

I'd be interested in knowing your parents religious and/or political beliefs. Most of those seem radical to me, and so I would like to understand their thinking that justified these rules.

 

[NiennaLadyOfTears]

I'd be interested in knowing your parents religious and/or political beliefs. Most of those seem radical to me, and so I would like to understand their thinking that justified these rules.

They were extremely fundamentalist Christians. Or rather they claimed to be Christians but honestly I did not sense anything other than legalism from them. Oh, and the food thing? They believed that by cooking food you killed it and thereby took in death into your body, and that since God didn't authorize the eating of meat until after Noah, that people before ate raw fruits and veggies and so that would be the healthiest way for people to eat today.

 

[rogarn]

Oh, and the food thing? They believed that by cooking food you killed it and thereby took in death into your body, and that since God didn't authorize the eating of meat until after Noah, that people before ate raw fruits and veggies and so that would be the healthiest way for people to eat today.

Im sorry, but that is one of the most insane excuses for logical thinking i have ever heard of.

If a person actually studied the Bible, they would realize that at the time period when God allowed Noah to eat the other meat, people had begun the practice of cooking most of their foods. If one pays attention, the foods that were banned by God are harmful if not cooked. In this way, God was simply protecting people because in their ignorance, they could not do it themselves.

I believe I said that in a way that non-Biblical scholars can appreciate.

 

[Jonathan]

My childhood was definitely different. I had quite a few oddities that really have shaped who I am. When I was really young, about 3 years old, I used to go to a private school my nan owned and operated. I was quite sensitive, and didn't like people I didn't know imposing themselves on me. So basically, my nan allowed me to have my own space and time alone, which I appreciate. I was the only kid allowed to go into a separate room to draw and learn by myself, and I was often left somewhat unsupervised (there were adults in the next room, though.)
Basically, my introversion was understood when I was really young. There were quite a few unfortunate incidents when people tried to force me to be more talkative and outgoing, but that's normal, I guess. I was raised with very fanciful christian perspectives; taught to show love to people, to forgive, and to be kind. These values were upheld quite firmly, and I grew to see any kind of unkindness as a horrible vice. In class in the furnished basement of my nan's house, I would spend time on my work, finish it early (unless I was having a hard time concentrating on some tedious task), and then I'd help others with their work. Most of the kids I grew up with at the time had learning disabilities, so the only reason I was 'homeschooled' was because I was family.

At home, I was pretty sheltered, definitely in a different way than most kids. I wasn't allowed to watch shows with any sort of violence, mysticism, or crudeness. This ruled out Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, things like that, that all the other kids were allowed to watch. I was actually closer to my extended family than any of the kids I knew, and my cousins were almost like brothers and sisters.

When I went to public school (I was 6 and in grade 3), I was ostracized by my peers, and brutally bullied. To this day, kids I don't know somewhat worry me, because I know how innocent they can seem, but also how dark hearted they can be at times. I never really liked to do anything other kids did, and was always years ahead of them when it came to my interests, so I often felt misunderstood.

When I think about it, my childhood really affected me deeply. I'm still kind of recovering from it, but also using those experiences, good and bad, to understand others and grow.

I'm glad I wasn't anywhere near as sheltered as Nienna! That would have been torture.

 

[Jill Hives]

...I might go on a while, if this is too long for some I'm sorry lol...

My childhood really wasn't all that awful comparatively to some, but I still have beef with it in a lot of ways. I have definitely accepted things as they are but I always felt kind of cheated in a way. I've attributed that now to my extreme desire to have people really know me...and I always used to think that your parents should be the ones who knew you the most since they spent the most time around you. However, that never really happened. They would only get small surface level details, I am sure that the rest is mostly smoke and mirrors as far as they are concerned. I am pretty positive now that my dad is an ISTJ and my mom is an ESFJ. I was adopted, and an only child and left to my own devices most of the time to entertain myself. I read and played a lot of video games and explored outside. I loved exploring the outdoors by myself. Having someone else with me always seemed to kind of distract me and made me feel like I wasn't really fully appreciate everything around me.

I was raised Christian and fairly sheltered, we never had cable or any other sort of television reception. We did own a TV for watching certain movies. I decided when I was about 15 that church life was not for me when my youth pastor at the time kicked a girl out when he discovered she was pregnant. I felt so so awful for her and I really wanted to tear him a new one for treating someone so awfully who needs more help than ever at that moment in her life. The hypocrisy I could feel just pouring out of everyone that surrounded me was just too hard to be around. I also didn't like how I felt obligated to try to be a part of a bigger social group in the youth group of the church. They always sat in a particular area on Sunday mornings, and if you didn't sit with them then they assumed something must be wrong with you or you had a problem with them. I usually chose to sit in the balcony area because I would just rather be alone. Several times our youth pastors wife came up and gave me a stern look and told me I had to get back with the rest. I knew she didn't really give two shits about me and just cared about their appearances. So I just stayed put. I said "no I am just fine here thank you." She told me I "HAD TO" go with the others. I told her she was welcome to try and make me. Yeah, they didn't like me very much.

My father is a sort of a brutish hermitish type who always wanted to be in the middle of the woods away from everything, which as a small child I loved, but as I grew older I kind of resented because I always lived at least 40 minutes away from most of my friends, and my parents most of the time had no interest in driving me anywhere. My dad has issues with his side of the family AND my mothers, so we rarely visited family. He is very much a "head of the house" kind of alpha male figure. If anyone so much as tests his "authority" he has a serious issue with them. I was almost kicked out of the house several times as a teenager (I am sure my mother was the only reason I wasn't) simply for questioning his motives because by not following blindly along like my mother apparently that meant that I was disrespecting him. To this day, I don't think I have ever known a more egotistical human being. When I was a child and expressed my interest to him in joining band in school (always have loved music and really wanted to learn how to read/play music) he just grimaced and made this face like that could have just been the most uninteresting thing I could've ever possibly been interested in and he actually made a noise like "ew" at the time. He then made up a bunch of excuses why I couldn't do it, didn't want to have to drive me to recitals and didn't want to have to hear me practicing a noisy instrument in his house where he values his own comfort and silence above all else. He was only ever supportive of my interests if it was something he was also at least mildly interested in, or if it was something that didn't have the potential to inconvenience him.

This is just one example really. There are plenty of others.

Also when I was in highschool, I learned quickly that when he got angry with me, there was no point in trying to defend myself because he would simply talk over me and if I sounded the slightest bit annoyed with him I was being a disrespectful brat. He pushed me against the wall a few times getting in my face about things, I don't even remember what anymore. I think it was because I was rude to my mother or something. He and I ended up having a couple screaming matches a few times because I really wanted more than anything to get him to understand that I was not like them and beat it into his head that his feelings were not the only ones that mattered and that he was pretty much ignoring that fact...but it was and still is futile. So I resorted to staring at the floor during these banters of his and just saying the obligatory "yes" "uh huh" "ok" once in a great while, while not really listening.

Also my parents really never let me help with anything. My mother is a control freak and has to have all the chores in the house done a very specific way so whenever I did anything, she would just automatically do it over again. This made no sense to me, because she never really explained to me exactly how she wanted things to be done. I remember asking to help vacuum when I was in 3rd grade and she told me to go play in my room.

For this reason, I am still learning how to take care of myself. There has always been someone there to do it for me, and it's really difficult for me to get into the groove of doing everything for myself now, but I am getting better at it.

Christmas usually just depressed me because it was a day that highlighted just how little everyone around me really knew me. As unappreciative and awful as this might sound, not once did anyone ever get me a present that I really loved (other than the one year I told my dad I wanted new computer parts and he actually got me what I asked for...that wasn't much of a surprise though, since I told him exactly what it was I wanted). Of course I was very thankful that people thought to get me anything at all, but part of my heart ached when I realized that no one really knew what I actually liked, or even seemed to take any steps to find out or to remember.

Also my parents refused to divulge information about my biological mother for a very very long time (again, it was because of my dad, he had a chip on his shoulder about her) and I held extreme resentment towards them for that. I felt that it was my right to know that sort of information and that they were being extremely unreasonable by not telling me. My mom really wanted to tell me, but shes so afraid of upsetting my father that she never really said much of anything. Finally I got them to open up about the little amount they knew, and also thanks to the joys of the internet, my biological mother actually found me on myspace last year. It was really intense finally getting to see her and talk to her.

I'll wrap it up now because I think there are countless things I could mention...

Needless to say, I'm glad I am getting to start my own family now.

 

[Barnabas]

my parents are most likely older then your parents, and definitely older then any one on the forum.

with that being said, my childhood reflects it.

 

[IndigoSensor]

I will defer you all to here; I accounted for some of the stories of my childhood in an old blog. It was atypical to say the least.

My parents divorced just before I turned 4 years old, and for six years of my life, my dad married a woman with 7 kids.

 

[TinyBubbles]

My childhood was chaotic.

 

[oddgirlout]

Very interesting...

My parents divorced when I was three and my father moved several states away. I was often shipped back and forth due to my mother's alcoholism. This sounds horrible I know, and believe me at the time is was god awful but it really helped me socially. I can strike up a conversation with a lamp post if need be. This socialization by necessity really helped me learn to empathize and relate to other people. In this way I feel I constantly give and learn about others. Secretly I'm angry because I want someone to do the same for me.

The lack of family structure and support for my mom alarmed me. Even as a nine year old I keep thinking "She's sick and I'm nine, someone help me help her." This created a survival instinct/self preservation instinct in me that is so strong I often am seen as needing nothing from others. I also am very sad that my family is so very selfish and self involved and really consider myself as not having a true family by my definition.

My father remarried a woman that had two children and they had a child together. Since I never asked for anything, I never got anything. It's like he started all over from scratch. He's a wonderful person but as a dad I am sorely disappointed.

My mother was a psychologist so that added a double whammy to the equation. I can express every emotion I feel in what I consider a logical, practical approach except for anger. I hide my true feelings often because others expect more of me.

All of this shaped my moral code. For me the dealbreaker is deception. Once I am lied to it is game over, I can never get back to where I was with that person ever. I hold truth above all else.

There's a lot more but since I'm relatively new to the forum I don't want to bore...

 

[anica]

I grew up in a log cabin located in an undeveloped mountain valley. The cabin had electricity but no running water or indoor plumbing or central heating. We had to haul all our water from a community well three miles from the cabin. My mother cooked on a wood-burning cook stove that took up half the kitchen. Bath nights were on Saturdays when my mother would fire up the cook stove and heat water from the five-gallon cans we hauled the water in and pour it into a large aluminum tub. The water was tepid by the time the first person got in and cold and gray with soap scum by the time the third person (I had two younger brothers) bathed.

My father was an over-the-road trucker who was away for months at a time so it too years for him to modernize the house and so we lived rather primitively during most of my childhood, but I thought it was kind of neat. I was surrounded by great natural beauty and in the summer was out from before sun-up till after dark and thereby avoided much of the dysfunction in my family (my mother was manic-depressive).

In short, I had an idyllic childhood punctuated by moments of madness and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

[Galileo]

Oh yeah....

for a start, I was blind, so a lot of things about my upbringing were very different, even though I went to mainstreem school.

There were also very few other kids on my street, so I didn't have many people to play with when I was younger, so I found ways to amuse myself on my own.

Lastly, I mostly looked after myself, and had to deal with the embarrassment of my parents drug addiction, whitch really did change me...

oh yeah, add into that that I spent 5 years in a youth refuge and some time on the streets before I was 18, you have a very unique upbringing indeed. but I wouldn't ever change it.

 

[toska]

My parents are misanthropic hermits. They have no friends. And by that I mean NONE. Not one. Sometimes they talk to the neighbors, but that's about it. I wasn't allowed to have friends over anymore or go to their houses after about the 2nd grade because my mom couldn't stand their parents. She would keep talking about how if their children injured themselves at our house, their parents would sue. Really that might have been true though. After I turned 18 and they were no longer "legally responsible" for me I could pretty much do whatever I wanted though.

 

[KazeCraven]

I had a classic INTP brother as a role model for the first 10 yrs or so of my life.

When I think of my childhood, all I remember is space.
-no children close in neighborhood
-family of introverted thinkers
-both parents worked quite a lot
-I was shy and opted to play video games all the time