Uncomfortable touch | INFJ Forum

Uncomfortable touch

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Random, Jul 9, 2017.

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  1. Random

    Random Newbie

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    My new piano teacher who I met a few times (we're both adults) seems to be attracted to me. I mean, all the signs tell so but you can't ever be sure until he asks you out I guess. I like him too.

    But there is this thing that is bugging me. He touches my hands from time to time, he touched my shoulder and elbow to correct my position, but it was unnecessary. He could have used his words instead. I like that he wants to touch me, and my judgement tells me that his touching even seems like normal behaviour, even not flirty, so it all seems okay.

    But at the same time I feel uncomfortable with it, I don't like being touched and it feels too soon, too much (I don't care how funny it sounds) (I don't have any trauma regarding touch). And I feel like I want to tell him to stop touching me but at the same time I don't want to push him away.

    What would you do if you were me?
     
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  2. Littlelissa

    Littlelissa Well-known member

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    I think I personally would feel awkward, even if I were attracted to him. It seems uncalled for in the situation and embarrassing for you. I think because of the different roles you have as teacher and student which also have some sort of power dynamic, it also be interpreted as a bit controlling. (Your stuck in this room in close proximity etc.) Could you just say you've 'got' the position, you don't need to be shown it?
     
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    #2 Littlelissa, Jul 9, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2017
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  3. Wyote

    Wyote Dad of the Ded
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    Tell him to either touch you a whole lot more or not at all
     
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    Random

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    Seems sensible. Yes, it seems controlling. Is it a very bad sign?

    :D
     
  5. Milktoast Bandit

    Milktoast Bandit Dominate with compassion...

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    Sage advice indeed!
     
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  6. the

    the Si master race.
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    Tell him to take you on a date and get a new teacher.
     
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  7. Vigilance

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    I would dress like a prude. :tonguewink:



    On a serious note, maybe what you wear, how you act, the vibe you give, may present him with the okay to touch you. From what it seems, you do not do any of this, and you don't really want him to be so straightforward in touching you.

    I understand the relationship is that of a 'student-teacher' or in the older-terms that of a 'master -servant' or even an 'employer-employee.' Another type of relationship which demonstrates some form of control, similar to the one of the student-teacher relationship, is that of the 'principal -agent.' Ignore all of the complexity mentioned above (types of relationships). However, the main principle that occurs in these types/what you should understand from these types of relationships is that, in these relationships one has greater longitude to control the other's behavior. Hence, why some mentioned the control element being present. However, even in these types of relationships you have rights and feelings.

    If you don't want to be touched, you can be subtle about it and just move away a little when being touched. Be direct in your subtle hints though. He should pickup. However, If you want to be direct, be as polite as possible.
     
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