Triangular Love Theory | INFJ Forum

Triangular Love Theory

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Aug 12, 2012.

Share This Page

More threads by Gaze
  1. Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,388
    Messages:
    28,146
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,880
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    One of the most comprehensive theories about the types of love. Thoughts?

    http://www.squidoo.com/triangular-love-theory

    [​IMG]
    • Liking - The first type of love, according to triangular love theory, is liking. Liking consists of only intimacy. This type of love typically applies to friends, but that does not necessarily mean that a romantic relationship cannot bloom. Some people are actually friends with someone for a while before they begin to have romantic feelings for that person.

    • Infatuated Love - The second type of love is referred to as infatuated love, which consists of the passion component. An example of infatuated love is when you experience love at first sight. You are physically attracted to the person and may feel sexual urges, but there is no intimacy or commitment. Infatuated love can evolve into a "higher level" of love later on. However, many cases of infatuated love appear and vanish relatively swiftly.
    • Empty Love - You don't even need knowledge of triangular love theory to know what empty love is. Empty love consists of only commitment. There is neither passion nor intimacy in empty love. Most people tend to think of a once thriving, passionate relationship that slowly morphed into an empty love many years later. While some marriages do turn into empty love, that is not the only example.
    • Romantic Love - According to Sternberg's triangular theory of love, romantic love is the combination of passion and intimacy. This means that you like and desire someone, but are not willing to commit. A relationship that begins with romantic love can turn into empty love once the passion dies. In the event that intimacy is developed, the relationship does not turn into empty love.
    • Companionate Love - The fifth type of love, in accordance with the triangular love theory, is companionate love. This type of love consists of intimacy and commitment. Companionate love is common in long term relationships, in which the initial passion and excitement wear off. However, companionate love can also refer to family relationships, friendships, and non-sexual relationships. Contrary to popular belief, some people still do wait until marriage to have sex. A companionate love can also form in a long term relationship, in which the passion dies off.
    • Fatuous Love - Fatuous love contains passion and commitment. You are committed to and feel lust for your partner. You do not have a special bond with each other and do not share your thoughts and feelings often. Fatuous love is more common when passion is the reason two lovers marry.
    • Consummate Love - Last, but certainly not least, is consummate love. Consummate love consists of intimacy, passion, and commitment. Of course, this is viewed as the ideal type of love or the highest level of love, because it has it all. In my opinion, consummate love is what many people mean when they refer to "true love." Unsurprisingly, consummate love is rare. In fact, Robert Sternberg says that consummate love is easier to achieve than to maintain. Maintaining consummate love is very challenging. Sternberg also cautions that:

      Without expression even the greatest of loves can die. -- Sternberg
      Last, but certainly not least, is consummate love. Consummate love consists of intimacy, passion, and commitment. Of course, this is viewed as the ideal type of love or the highest level of love, because it has it all. In my opinion, consummate love is what many people mean when they refer to "true love."


     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Jana

    Jana Searching...

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
    Threads:
    81
    Messages:
    2,080
    Likes Received:
    389
    Trophy Points:
    642
    MBTI:
    infj
    Interesting theory...I often think how lucky is one who has all three components...
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,388
    Messages:
    28,146
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,880
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Actually, I am not sure passion is necessary, although it helps. I think some things fade over time but the committment and love may still be there. If I have intimacy and committment, I'd be satisfied with that. I am not sure how long passion lasts. As long as there's chemistry. I am not even sure what passion is tbh. I don't think passion and attraction are the same thing. If you have a strong attraction to some, is that passion or simply interest? Yeah, I think passion makes it easier to sustain the relationship but depending on the "feeling" of passion to always be there may be setting up the relationship for failure.

    I think the word passion needs to be broken down in more specific terms to understand what it means. According to one dictionary online, passion is . . .

    So, if you don't always have ardent, intense feelings of love or lust, does it mean something must be wrong with the relationship? I don't think so. And simply because you're not always enthusiastic about being with the person doesn't mean you don't care about them. This idea of always feeling in love feels as if it would be hard to sustain and make it difficult to have a normal relationship because you'll be expecting to always feel that away about the person, and if you don't, you'll be wondering if something is wrong with the relationship. Of course, wanting the person having desire for the person is essential to staying with the person and wanting to make the relationship work. I wouldn't want someone to stay simply out of committment or obligation.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. Jana

    Jana Searching...

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
    Threads:
    81
    Messages:
    2,080
    Likes Received:
    389
    Trophy Points:
    642
    MBTI:
    infj
    Hm, what about relationship in wich people are not attracted to eachother, but decided to be together and slowly build intimacy?
    Is that love?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  5. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,539
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    35,801
    Trophy Points:
    1,387
    Location:
    fantasy world
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    Depends on why they decided to be together before they had intimacy. It sounds like "empty love" where all you really have is commitment. But I suppose you could develop intimacy and maybe even passion later on--kind of like stories of people in arranged marriages falling in love..
     
    #5 acd, Aug 12, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2012
  6. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2009
    Threads:
    95
    Messages:
    4,821
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,255
    Trophy Points:
    381
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CT
    MBTI:
    infj
    Enneagram:
    ....
    People should stop assuming that one ideal fits all of our needs. Our needs are ever changing depending on circumstance. I know for a fact that at this point I am not prepared or ready for

    Consummate Love
    Because I have too many things I want to do, but a few Romantic love flings may be in order as long as all involved agree.

    Also, please define love as a term. I don't think it exists personally the way its being used here.
     
  7. abeautifulheartandmind

    abeautifulheartandmind Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2012
    Threads:
    9
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    I have studied this briefly but unable to sit down and really take it in but I have to agree with Billy. I think we all have this ideal in our heads- this picture if you will of what "true love" looks like and society does not help it with all of the fairy tales. Women tend to want this passionate and whirlwind romance with a strong male (or female) figure or perhaps the female is the strong dominant type and we fall prey to this idealism as if it is how it is meant to be.

    Honestly, what I needed when I was 20 isn't what I need or desire at almost 40. I have had my kids and I won't be having more. I need someone that understands that my school and my career will take a lot of my time. I don't want them sitting around pining away after me either. I want them to feel free to have a life. Relationships do not have to be so constrictive and suffocating. I don't need to be around the person 24/7 to know they love me or even that they care. Of course, everyone needs assurance and that has to be priority as if someone feels they aren't wanted then they will move on to someone that does act like they do. Yet in it, even the maturity level plays a huge part in the relationship as does their own insecurities and needs out of the relationship. So it's huge but I do think there needs to be a commitment on both sides in order to keep it functioning. Sometimes we love someone so much that we realize we aren't a perfect match for them and that means being able to realize that as well. Just my 2 cents and that isn't worth much in this economy.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Lemonworld and Jana like this.
  8. JGirl

    JGirl no chocolate flavored gum? wow

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2011
    Threads:
    47
    Messages:
    4,724
    Likes Received:
    1,214
    Trophy Points:
    370
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    5
    i don't really agree with any of these definitions. not entirely anyway
    to me:
    intimacy is any sort of vulnerability between two people. (or more as the case may be)
    Passion is any physical drive whether that be in a positive or negative way. passion is also what drives people to anger and violence.
    and finally commitment
    you cannot decide to love someone. that is beyond your control. you can decide to be faithful or loyal etc, but that is also only in your control based on what you know of yourself (and that other person) at that time.
    commitment should not be time based. it should be "situational"...is that a word?
     
  9. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,388
    Messages:
    28,146
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,880
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    I agree in some sense. Committment happens as a result of feelings you have for someone. It's motivated by love, so it's not simply a decision. The decision to remain with that person, stay with them, despite obstacles, etc. is a little different. But I don't think that time based committments are ineffective. I think it depends on who is making the committment and why. Making it situational adds too much relativity. In that sense people can make and break committments easily or readily for superficial reasons, rather than do what is necessary to make the committment work better for both. And of course, I'm assuming in these instances, the couple loves each other and wants to be together.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. JGirl

    JGirl no chocolate flavored gum? wow

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2011
    Threads:
    47
    Messages:
    4,724
    Likes Received:
    1,214
    Trophy Points:
    370
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    5
    [MENTION=1669]Cedar[/MENTION]
    i daresay some commitments are met in spite of the feelings one may have for someone.

    i guess i'm a bit jaded, having spent twenty years thinking i was honoring a commitment when i was really just wasting my life and being beaten down psychologically in a relationship that was dead for a long time.
     
  11. OP
    Gaze

    Donor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Threads:
    2,388
    Messages:
    28,146
    Featured Threads:
    99
    Likes Received:
    21,880
    Trophy Points:
    1,906
    MBTI:
    INFPishy
    Yes, of course, many people make committments in spite of their feelings. I was just agreeing with you that committments are also natural outgrowths of how two individuals feel, and not always simple decisions made from obligation.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. Brodskizzle

    Brodskizzle Community Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2012
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    210
    Likes Received:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    xNFJ
    Enneagram:
    3 spsosx
    Very interesting. I've always had a fascination for things that can dissect human behavior like this. One quick question: is companionate love what others call 'platonic' love? Just trying to clarify.
     
  13. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    143
    Messages:
    15,539
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    35,801
    Trophy Points:
    1,387
    Location:
    fantasy world
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    Mmmyes..It is.
     
    #13 acd, Aug 19, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2012
  14. Rcs6r

    Rcs6r Must be the feeling~
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    3,419
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4,849
    Trophy Points:
    877
    MBTI:
    (⌐■_■)
    Incidentally, "Triangle Love Theory" was going to be the name of my forum website for people who love geometry. Funding ran short though...
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  15. Sriracha

    Sriracha Not here.
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Threads:
    98
    Messages:
    3,448
    Likes Received:
    1,914
    Trophy Points:
    375
    MBTI:
    ISFJ
    I don't think it is entirely "platonic" love. It is very normal for long term marriages to evolve into companionship. You have a bond with the person, are intimate/sexual and committed, but the passion is long gone.
     
    #15 Sriracha, Sep 21, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012
  16. abeautifulheartandmind

    abeautifulheartandmind Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2012
    Threads:
    9
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Eros love is actually when you love something because it somehow benefits you. Like I love green beans or I love her because she (fill in the blank). True love is agape love which is completely unselfish in any form.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page