Triangular Love Theory

[Gaze]

One of the most comprehensive theories about the types of love. Thoughts?

http://www.squidoo.com/triangular-love-theory

The triangular love theory is based on the three components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Having an understanding of triangular theory of love can help shed light on your current relationship or marriage.


The Three Components of Love [h=3]According to the triangular theory of love[/h]
Sternberg defines the three components of love as intimacy, passion, and commitment. With different combinations of these elements, there are varied types of love.

Intimacy

Intimacy is feelings of bonding, closeness, support, openness, and connectedness in a relationship.

Passion

Passion is the drives that contribute to physical attraction, sexual desire, lust, euphoria, and romance.

Commitment

Commitment is the decision to love someone and remain loyal, in order to maintain the relationship.

• Liking - The first type of love, according to triangular love theory, is liking. Liking consists of only intimacy. This type of love typically applies to friends, but that does not necessarily mean that a romantic relationship cannot bloom. Some people are actually friends with someone for a while before they begin to have romantic feelings for that person.

• Infatuated Love - The second type of love is referred to as infatuated love, which consists of the passion component. An example of infatuated love is when you experience love at first sight. You are physically attracted to the person and may feel sexual urges, but there is no intimacy or commitment. Infatuated love can evolve into a "higher level" of love later on. However, many cases of infatuated love appear and vanish relatively swiftly.
• Empty Love - You don't even need knowledge of triangular love theory to know what empty love is. Empty love consists of only commitment. There is neither passion nor intimacy in empty love. Most people tend to think of a once thriving, passionate relationship that slowly morphed into an empty love many years later. While some marriages do turn into empty love, that is not the only example.
• Romantic Love - According to Sternberg's triangular theory of love, romantic love is the combination of passion and intimacy. This means that you like and desire someone, but are not willing to commit. A relationship that begins with romantic love can turn into empty love once the passion dies. In the event that intimacy is developed, the relationship does not turn into empty love.
• Companionate Love - The fifth type of love, in accordance with the triangular love theory, is companionate love. This type of love consists of intimacy and commitment. Companionate love is common in long term relationships, in which the initial passion and excitement wear off. However, companionate love can also refer to family relationships, friendships, and non-sexual relationships. Contrary to popular belief, some people still do wait until marriage to have sex. A companionate love can also form in a long term relationship, in which the passion dies off.
• Fatuous Love - Fatuous love contains passion and commitment. You are committed to and feel lust for your partner. You do not have a special bond with each other and do not share your thoughts and feelings often. Fatuous love is more common when passion is the reason two lovers marry.
• Consummate Love - Last, but certainly not least, is consummate love. Consummate love consists of intimacy, passion, and commitment. Of course, this is viewed as the ideal type of love or the highest level of love, because it has it all. In my opinion, consummate love is what many people mean when they refer to "true love." Unsurprisingly, consummate love is rare. In fact, Robert Sternberg says that consummate love is easier to achieve than to maintain. Maintaining consummate love is very challenging. Sternberg also cautions that:
  
  Without expression even the greatest of loves can die. -- Sternberg
  Last, but certainly not least, is consummate love. Consummate love consists of intimacy, passion, and commitment. Of course, this is viewed as the ideal type of love or the highest level of love, because it has it all. In my opinion, consummate love is what many people mean when they refer to "true love."

 

[Jana]

Interesting theory...I often think how lucky is one who has all three components...

 

[Gaze]

Actually, I am not sure passion is necessary, although it helps. I think some things fade over time but the committment and love may still be there. If I have intimacy and committment, I'd be satisfied with that. I am not sure how long passion lasts. As long as there's chemistry. I am not even sure what passion is tbh. I don't think passion and attraction are the same thing. If you have a strong attraction to some, is that passion or simply interest? Yeah, I think passion makes it easier to sustain the relationship but depending on the "feeling" of passion to always be there may be setting up the relationship for failure.

I think the word passion needs to be broken down in more specific terms to understand what it means. According to one dictionary online, passion is . . .

Ardent love. Strong sexual desire; lust. The object of such love or desire. Boundless enthusiasm:

So, if you don't always have ardent, intense feelings of love or lust, does it mean something must be wrong with the relationship? I don't think so. And simply because you're not always enthusiastic about being with the person doesn't mean you don't care about them. This idea of always feeling in love feels as if it would be hard to sustain and make it difficult to have a normal relationship because you'll be expecting to always feel that away about the person, and if you don't, you'll be wondering if something is wrong with the relationship. Of course, wanting the person having desire for the person is essential to staying with the person and wanting to make the relationship work. I wouldn't want someone to stay simply out of committment or obligation.

 

[Jana]

Hm, what about relationship in wich people are not attracted to eachother, but decided to be together and slowly build intimacy?
Is that love?

 

[acd]

Hm, what about relationship in wich people are not attracted to eachother, but decided to be together and slowly build intimacy?
Is that love?

Depends on why they decided to be together before they had intimacy. It sounds like "empty love" where all you really have is commitment. But I suppose you could develop intimacy and maybe even passion later on--kind of like stories of people in arranged marriages falling in love..

 

[Billy]

People should stop assuming that one ideal fits all of our needs. Our needs are ever changing depending on circumstance. I know for a fact that at this point I am not prepared or ready for

Consummate Love
Because I have too many things I want to do, but a few Romantic love flings may be in order as long as all involved agree.

Also, please define love as a term. I don't think it exists personally the way its being used here.

 

[abeautifulheartandmind]

I have studied this briefly but unable to sit down and really take it in but I have to agree with Billy. I think we all have this ideal in our heads- this picture if you will of what "true love" looks like and society does not help it with all of the fairy tales. Women tend to want this passionate and whirlwind romance with a strong male (or female) figure or perhaps the female is the strong dominant type and we fall prey to this idealism as if it is how it is meant to be.

Honestly, what I needed when I was 20 isn't what I need or desire at almost 40. I have had my kids and I won't be having more. I need someone that understands that my school and my career will take a lot of my time. I don't want them sitting around pining away after me either. I want them to feel free to have a life. Relationships do not have to be so constrictive and suffocating. I don't need to be around the person 24/7 to know they love me or even that they care. Of course, everyone needs assurance and that has to be priority as if someone feels they aren't wanted then they will move on to someone that does act like they do. Yet in it, even the maturity level plays a huge part in the relationship as does their own insecurities and needs out of the relationship. So it's huge but I do think there needs to be a commitment on both sides in order to keep it functioning. Sometimes we love someone so much that we realize we aren't a perfect match for them and that means being able to realize that as well. Just my 2 cents and that isn't worth much in this economy.

 

[JGirl]

The Three Components of Love According to the triangular theory of love

Sternberg defines the three components of love as intimacy, passion, and commitment. With different combinations of these elements, there are varied types of love.

Intimacy

Intimacy is feelings of bonding, closeness, support, openness, and connectedness in a relationship.

Passion

Passion is the drives that contribute to physical attraction, sexual desire, lust, euphoria, and romance.

Commitment

Commitment is the decision to love someone and remain loyal, in order to maintain the relationship.

i don't really agree with any of these definitions. not entirely anyway
to me:
intimacy is any sort of vulnerability between two people. (or more as the case may be)
Passion is any physical drive whether that be in a positive or negative way. passion is also what drives people to anger and violence.
and finally commitment
you cannot decide to love someone. that is beyond your control. you can decide to be faithful or loyal etc, but that is also only in your control based on what you know of yourself (and that other person) at that time.
commitment should not be time based. it should be "situational"...is that a word?

 

[Gaze]

and finally commitment
you cannot decide to love someone. that is beyond your control. you can decide to be faithful or loyal etc, but that is also only in your control based on what you know of yourself (and that other person) at that time.
commitment should not be time based. it should be "situational"...is that a word?

I agree in some sense. Committment happens as a result of feelings you have for someone. It's motivated by love, so it's not simply a decision. The decision to remain with that person, stay with them, despite obstacles, etc. is a little different. But I don't think that time based committments are ineffective. I think it depends on who is making the committment and why. Making it situational adds too much relativity. In that sense people can make and break committments easily or readily for superficial reasons, rather than do what is necessary to make the committment work better for both. And of course, I'm assuming in these instances, the couple loves each other and wants to be together.

 

[JGirl]

[MENTION=1669]Cedar[/MENTION]
i daresay some commitments are met in spite of the feelings one may have for someone.

i guess i'm a bit jaded, having spent twenty years thinking i was honoring a commitment when i was really just wasting my life and being beaten down psychologically in a relationship that was dead for a long time.

 

[Gaze]

@Cedar
i daresay some commitments are met in spite of the feelings one may have for someone.

i guess i'm a bit jaded, having spent twenty years thinking i was honoring a commitment when i was really just wasting my life and being beaten down psychologically in a relationship that was dead for a long time.

Yes, of course, many people make committments in spite of their feelings. I was just agreeing with you that committments are also natural outgrowths of how two individuals feel, and not always simple decisions made from obligation.

 

[Brodskizzle]

Very interesting. I've always had a fascination for things that can dissect human behavior like this. One quick question: is companionate love what others call 'platonic' love? Just trying to clarify.

 

[acd]

Very interesting. I've always had a fascination for things that can dissect human behavior like this. One quick question: is companionate love what others call 'platonic' love? Just trying to clarify.

Mmmyes..It is.

 

[Rcs6r]

Incidentally, "Triangle Love Theory" was going to be the name of my forum website for people who love geometry. Funding ran short though...

 

[Sriracha]

Very interesting. I've always had a fascination for things that can dissect human behavior like this. One quick question: is companionate love what others call 'platonic' love? Just trying to clarify.

I don't think it is entirely "platonic" love. It is very normal for long term marriages to evolve into companionship. You have a bond with the person, are intimate/sexual and committed, but the passion is long gone.

 

[abeautifulheartandmind]

Eros love is actually when you love something because it somehow benefits you. Like I love green beans or I love her because she (fill in the blank). True love is agape love which is completely unselfish in any form.