"Too Innocent" | INFJ Forum

"Too Innocent"

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jimtaylor

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May 19, 2010
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Okay so this happened about a week ago and I didn't think of it much at the time but I can't get it out of my mind now. I've been dating this girl, nothing serious, just enjoying each others company. Well, I met her aunt last week and her aunt told her that I was, "too innocent" for her. It wasn't in a rude tone or anything like that, it was just very matter of fact. It got me thinking, do I really come across as that innocent? And is that a bad thing being innocent? I've been called sweet, nice, genuine, etc... But never innocent.

I am curious, what makes a person come across as innocent? Can one be too innocent? Should one strive to lose their innocence? Just curious on what your thoughts are. Also, do I come across as innocent on here???
 
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Sounds like a comment from a person who likes to make snap judgments about other people, with almost no information on them. I wouldn't fixate on the one word.
 
Sounds a little like my life story since I tend to look nearly ten years younger than I am due to my kid-like features, which in turn, causes people around me to unconsciously/sub-consciously treat me like I'm the sheltered kid of innocence. Personally, I think it's somewhat like how the halo effect works - applied in this case, the outward appearance influences how others judge personality traits. So others with more angel-like features may seem more innocent.

Add to that, I tend to believe the best of everyone (innocent until proven guilty - pun unintended), all of which somehow causes people to feel they can trust me and should be shielded from the bads of the world. (With no intention of bragging or anything) I've had strangers coming up to hug me (not as creepy as it sounds), smiling at me, which isn't the norm in my country's society, or older people using phrases like "good person" and "kind heart" to describe me. I'm not generally opposed to such treatment. Granted, at times I fear I might fall into the snare of manipulation knowingly or unknowingly, but if this is what they call retaining some shred of innocence/naivety (I've yet to determine the exact difference), then I've no intention of losing that. I like knowing others are able to trust me.

Two cents from someone who probably has similar treatment. I hope a bit of that helps.
 
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I've not followed your posts and I would say its difficult to tell online, I dont believe that there's any problem with appearing too "innocent" and perhaps it means you have integrity or possess scruples or even that you either are not cynical or appear less cynical. None of which are bad things at all, its more difficult to maintain those things than to become part of the amoral or compromising masses.

People flagging their own views about incompatibility or differences to people in a relationship can be useful, family can know people better than their acquaintences and some romantic connections, at least in the first phases, perhaps they are aware of the ease with which they can make and break relationships or they could be hinting indirectly about how the person who is less "innocent" could be a user.

I dont know the situation so I'm just talking generally here.
 
Could also mean that this girl might ruin you. i.e. she might not be innocent enough for you.

Just an alternative interpretation.
 
jimtaylor said:
Okay so this happened about a week ago and I didn't think of it much at the time but I can't get it out of my mind now. I've been dating this girl, nothing serious, just enjoying each others company. Well, I met her aunt last week and her aunt told her that I was, "too innocent" for her. It wasn't in a rude tone or anything like that, it was just very matter of fact. It got me thinking, do I really come across as that innocent?
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Based on your pictures, I think not. 9but how you llok is not a criteria of innocence)

And is that a bad thing being innocent?
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I don't think it is, but neither good is, depending how you look at it.
Firstly. its a characteristic of people who lack the mental capacity to understand the nature of their acts, and how it affects others, in other words, a characteristic of childrens. Or mentaly disabled people. Which one are you?


I am curious, what makes a person come across as innocent?
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Naivety I think, but its different from innocence.


Can one be too innocent?
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Probably yes.

Should one strive to lose their innocence?
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Yeah, its the opposite of virginity. Virginity must be kept, innocence must be lost, if one wants to become a adult, understanding himself and his actions, his responsabilities.


Just curious on what your thoughts are. Also, do I come across as innocent on here???
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To me not at all. The woman who called you like that probably had a fantasy of what the word innocence mean...like in terms of how a person is looking, smiling, running, raising hand and other silly things. You just happen to play to her internal and unreral fantasy of what the word innocence mean.
 
Based on your posts and pics You are naive and "innocent". You are kind of a baby face and do not have a mature look, plus you always come across as you just dont get it. I totally see what she was getting at.

You remind me of some I know (looks wise) who has kind of a "duuhhh" look. No one respects him and they always expect hi im to screw up and its a self fulfilling prophecy. Hes a lawyer now and it doesnt change thier minds they just roll thier eyes and go "oh shit".

I do agree w sprinkles, maybe she's trying to insult your gf.
 
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Perhaps gam gam really was a whore....

Does anyone get this reference because its ment to be a sudo joke / directional queue.
 
It sounds to me like the aunt is warning you that this girl you're interested in is guilty of some type of behavior that you may not want to be associated with.
 
Eventhorizon said:
Perhaps gam gam really was a whore....

Does anyone get this reference because its ment to be a sudo joke / directional queue.
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I always sleep better with a little bit of sausage in me!
 
the said:
Based on your posts and pics You are naive and "innocent". You are kind of a baby face and do not have a mature look, plus you always come across as you just dont get it. I totally see what she was getting at.

You remind me of some I know (looks wise) who has kind of a "duuhhh" look. No one respects him and they always expect hi im to screw up and its a self fulfilling prophecy. Hes a lawyer now and it doesnt change thier minds they just roll thier eyes and go "oh shit".

I do agree w sprinkles, maybe she's trying to insult your gf.
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So do you correlate innocence and incompetence?
 
sprinkles said:
Could also mean that this girl might ruin you. i.e. she might not be innocent enough for you.

Just an alternative interpretation.
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Good point, she does have a bit of a rough history but I figure everybody has a history
 
Innocence just basically means someone who comes across as either idealistic or inexperienced. It also goes hand in hand with how capable you are of are hurting someone vs. the possibility of getting hurt yourself.

Sometimes people have an innocent 'look' to them (more youthful, childlike features like big eyes or soft facial expressions) and are anything but. Sometimes people behave innocently and seem rather gentle and curious by nature rather than forceful or dominant.

In the context of the comment, I think grandma was trying to suggest the girl's personality is much harsher or jaded than yours, either as a result of her experiences or simply by nature.

Sometimes calling a man 'innocent' might be also a way of saying he's a pansy/won't be able to stand up for his woman. But we all know you can never really know what a person is capable of until they're put into a situation to test their mettle.

If you're a good person, and you do your best to stand up for yourself and what you believe in and live your life with determination, whether you're branded as 'innocent' or not should't matter. In fact, I'd say its an advantage to be underestimated sometimes.
 
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LucyJr said:
Based on your pictures, I think not. 9but how you llok is not a criteria of innocence)


I don't think it is, but neither good is, depending how you look at it.
Firstly. its a characteristic of people who lack the mental capacity to understand the nature of their acts, and how it affects others, in other words, a characteristic of childrens. Or mentaly disabled people. Which one are you?



Naivety I think, but its different from innocence.



Probably yes.


Yeah, its the opposite of virginity. Virginity must be kept, innocence must be lost, if one wants to become a adult, understanding himself and his actions, his responsabilities.



To me not at all. The woman who called you like that probably had a fantasy of what the word innocence mean...like in terms of how a person is looking, smiling, running, raising hand and other silly things. You just happen to play to her internal and unreral fantasy of what the word innocence mean.
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I understand a lot of what you are saying and I think it might have been in the context of how I act. This comment came after they had invited me over to have dinner with the whole family. I acted the way I normally do. Meaning saying things like, "Yes, mam", "Thank you, mam", "Can I help with anything?", "The food was wonderful", "I appreciate you inviting me over for dinner". I brought flowers and a bottle of wine. I acted the the way I was raised. If I am guest, I am not going to assume they are there to serve me. I appreciate them feeding me and I want to repay the kindness.

I have always thought; and it's worked for me in my life so far, that you can get a lot further with people with a smile and open handshake than a dagger.
 
jimtaylor said:
I understand a lot of what you are saying and I think it might have been in the context of how I act. This comment came after they had invited me over to have dinner with the whole family. I acted the way I normally do. Meaning saying things like, "Yes, mam", "Thank you, mam", "Can I help with anything?", "The food was wonderful", "I appreciate you inviting me over for dinner". I brought flowers and a bottle of wine. I acted the the way I was raised. If I am guest, I am not going to assume they are there to serve me. I appreciate them feeding me and I want to repay the kindness.

I have always thought; and it's worked for me in my life so far, that you can get a lot further with people with a smile and open handshake than a dagger.
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Sometimes acting this way makes people feel uncomfortable and they need to find some reason to comment on the behaviour.
 
Matt3737 said:
It sounds to me like the aunt is warning you that this girl you're interested in is guilty of some type of behavior that you may not want to be associated with.
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Very good point and her response may be an indicator.
 
SpecialEdition said:
Sometimes acting this way makes people feel uncomfortable and they need to find some reason to comment on the behaviour.
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Yeah it is a difference of cultures. In Utah it is pretty normal and kind of expected. They are from the East Coast so obviously things are a little different.
 
SpecialEdition said:
Well there you go. I think it's actually as simple as that.
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Makes sense. I can see how they see me as the “Oh golly jee” small town boy which could be seen as innocent.
 
jimtaylor said:
Makes sense. I can see how they see me as the “Oh golly jee” small town boy which could be seen as innocent.
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I cannot see any other true reason for her to make a comment such as that. It makes no real sense. I don't even think she pondered as deeply on what she said or your nature as everyone in this thread did lol.
 
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