You probably think I'm mad to mention INFJ and aggression in the same breath. You probably think this because we have a certain conception of INFJs as non-confrontational people who are easily taken advantage of by others. But allow me to explain:
Almost all INFJs are easily hurt, but there are those who cope by withdrawing and "bottling up", and there are those who cope by lashing out. The latter type of people are never detected as INFJs because they don't fit the popular image of INFJ as meek victim. (Thus, it's hard to tell whether they are actually less common or just underrepresented.) And because other people fail to look beyond the belligerence to notice that hypersensitivity is what's causing it.
Let me elaborate: when an INFJ has a bad temper, poor impulse control, or both, they easily become a "defensive aggressor". I know all about this because I used to be one when I was young. All the kids thought I was crazy in elementary school because I would get into fights with pretty much anyone (and everyone) over minor teasing. I was never actually a victim of full-fledged bullying, but that didn't prevent me overreacting in "self-defense". Eventually other kids came to be afraid of me because I had a reputation of flying off the handle over the smallest offenses. As an adult I'm not nearly as angry or reactive, but I'm still able to identify others like this quite easily due to having been there myself.
Which is why I also think the belligerent INFJ constitutes one particular type of abusive romantic partner. If you know about psychology, you know that certain types of people are particularly prone to becoming abusive partners. (Not surprising, as such patterns tend to emerge in all areas of life.) The sociopath is the popular prototype, due to their predatory nature, but I think another distinct type is the insecure INFJ with a bad temper.
Here's why: the INFJ's hypersensitivity and emotional intensity, coupled with the emotional intensity of being in love, already sets up a potentially volatile situation. So when the person in question is also insecure and has a quick temper, it almost guarantees disaster. They are obviously not acting under the same motivations as the sociopath, but they get themselves into the same situation by way of being too passionate in unhealthy ways.
Although I generally avoid "typing" celebrities and fictional characters (it seems silly), in this case offering a concrete example might be helpful. So here goes: if you have ever seen 8 mile...? That would be the kind of behavior I'm talking about.
I wonder if any one else notices this manifestation of the INFJ personality in the real world. They are typically very kind, caring, and loyal to their own (excepting those who abuse their partners) but hard-edged and downright aggressive in most other avenues of their lives. I see it in men mostly (that's to be expected, of course) but it obviously isn't exclusive to men. I'm female myself.
Almost all INFJs are easily hurt, but there are those who cope by withdrawing and "bottling up", and there are those who cope by lashing out. The latter type of people are never detected as INFJs because they don't fit the popular image of INFJ as meek victim. (Thus, it's hard to tell whether they are actually less common or just underrepresented.) And because other people fail to look beyond the belligerence to notice that hypersensitivity is what's causing it.
Let me elaborate: when an INFJ has a bad temper, poor impulse control, or both, they easily become a "defensive aggressor". I know all about this because I used to be one when I was young. All the kids thought I was crazy in elementary school because I would get into fights with pretty much anyone (and everyone) over minor teasing. I was never actually a victim of full-fledged bullying, but that didn't prevent me overreacting in "self-defense". Eventually other kids came to be afraid of me because I had a reputation of flying off the handle over the smallest offenses. As an adult I'm not nearly as angry or reactive, but I'm still able to identify others like this quite easily due to having been there myself.
Which is why I also think the belligerent INFJ constitutes one particular type of abusive romantic partner. If you know about psychology, you know that certain types of people are particularly prone to becoming abusive partners. (Not surprising, as such patterns tend to emerge in all areas of life.) The sociopath is the popular prototype, due to their predatory nature, but I think another distinct type is the insecure INFJ with a bad temper.
Here's why: the INFJ's hypersensitivity and emotional intensity, coupled with the emotional intensity of being in love, already sets up a potentially volatile situation. So when the person in question is also insecure and has a quick temper, it almost guarantees disaster. They are obviously not acting under the same motivations as the sociopath, but they get themselves into the same situation by way of being too passionate in unhealthy ways.
Although I generally avoid "typing" celebrities and fictional characters (it seems silly), in this case offering a concrete example might be helpful. So here goes: if you have ever seen 8 mile...? That would be the kind of behavior I'm talking about.
I wonder if any one else notices this manifestation of the INFJ personality in the real world. They are typically very kind, caring, and loyal to their own (excepting those who abuse their partners) but hard-edged and downright aggressive in most other avenues of their lives. I see it in men mostly (that's to be expected, of course) but it obviously isn't exclusive to men. I'm female myself.
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