This is a time when I wish I weren't INFJ.

[aerosol]

I'M GONNA HAVE TO CONFRONT SOMEONE

Ok, from the top: I have really bad hair. I have a dry, frizzy afro type of hair. I relax my hair and put extensions in and all kinds of crap, really. I've thought about shaving my hair off and start wearing wigs.

I bought extensions of a kind that I had never used before. Different glue and whatnot. It has worked great for other people that I know so I was excited about it. I had to find someone to put the extensions in for me, and originally I was looking to pay like 100 bucks. But time passes and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find this service at that price, so I decide to go with this one hair dresser who wants to charge 325 dollars. I was weary about it but he said "you get what you pay for", so I was like, ok, maybe I should pay more than I had intended just to make sure the job gets done well.

I was in there for 7 hrs and I got a pretty good result. Then my extensions started to fall out. I've probably lost about 30 strands or so at this point. My hair is looking thinner and weirder by the day.

I am so fucking pissed off at this guy for implying that he knew what he was doing. Now I have to go back and talk to him. The idea of that stresses me out and gets me really sad and angry. I'm thinking he will blame it on me or the product, and there's not really any way of me to take it further because I was dumb enough to pay cash without a receipt so I have no proof of paying him.

 

[DrShephard]

Get someone to help you out! Preferably someone who goes on principle and doesn't mind breaking stuff if the guy stays steadfast on any "No Refund" policy.

Then... let the fun and excitement be had!

 

[Peppermint]

This doesn't have anything to do with being INFJ. >.>

 

[aerosol]

This doesn't have anything to do with being INFJ. >.>

INFJs are notorious for avoiding conflicts... But at the same time really wanting truth and justice. The two clash a lot for me, and put me in bad, stressful situations.

 

[Peppermint]

Nooo, that's an individual thing.

 

[detectivepope]

INFJs are notorious for avoiding conflicts... But at the same time really wanting truth and justice. The two clash a lot for me, and put me in bad, stressful situations.

Just cause we don't like conflict, doesn't mean we are susceptible to been ripped off. It seems more of a personnel thing.

 

[Wyote]

Nooo, that's an individual thing.

INFJs avoid conflict.


"They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress. "


http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

 

[aerosol]

In the descriptions of INFJs it'll usually say something to that effect.
It seems to be a consistent trait among INFJ's, or at least among the "confirmed" ones I've talked to.

Anywayyy...

The point you made detectivepope is what I'm trying to get at here. I really hate the idea of not getting what I paid for, so I want to make sure I let him know about this. But it scares the heck out of me. =/

How do people who hate conflict deal with this kinda crap? I feel like I might become sick over this.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

$325 bucks for hair!? Ever thought about dreading or cornrowing it?

 

[Wyote]

Try to go into the situation positively. The difficult thing about conflict is the fear of escalation to a point of no return. If you remain curtious and positive, you will remain in control of the situation.

 

[aerosol]

$325 bucks for hair!? Ever thought about dreading or cornrowing it?

I know, right. I wouldn't usually pay that much but I thought it would be a good investment. If done properly, your hair will stay good for about half a year. To have "normal" hair for that long is like, amazing.

My hair dreads itself if I miss one day of combing. I don't like dreads because they tend to become itchy and smelly. Maybe I don't know how to take care of them and wash them properly.

 

[aerosol]

Try to go into the situation positively. The difficult thing about conflict is the fear of escalation to a point of no return. If you remain curtious and positive, you will remain in control of the situation.

That is probably why my anxiety is going crazy over this.
I'm imagining the dude to be really rude and laugh in my face and me crying and stuff over wasting all this money.

I think it's hard to be positive in regards to this because I have in the past and people just end up disappointing me.

But yes, that is good advice. I'll try.

 

[Peppermint]

INFJs avoid conflict.


"They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress. "


http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

I don't give any credibility to that and similar profiles, but I'll refrain from derailing further.

 

[Kgal]

In the descriptions of INFJs it'll usually say something to that effect.
It seems to be a consistent trait among INFJ's, or at least among the "confirmed" ones I've talked to.

Anywayyy...

The point you made detectivepope is what I'm trying to get at here. I really hate the idea of not getting what I paid for, so I want to make sure I let him know about this. But it scares the heck out of me. =/

How do people who hate conflict deal with this kinda crap? I feel like I might become sick over this.

I'm with you on this one Aerosol. I hate conflict - but hate being ripped off - and it usually gets me all worked up.
I try to approach situations like these this way:

I assume the person who did the job incorrectly would want the feedback so they could do a better job in the future. When people are in business for themselves they often rely on word of mouth for revenue. So I think to myself - If I were them - would I benefit from knowing that something I did went wrong. This calms me down because now I'm helping them by helping me.

Most of the time this works out ok. It lessens my anxiety. I'm not going into the situation all defensive and angry - which usually keeps them from getting all defensive and angry.

I would think the hair dresser would want to know the product or their technique didn't work out as they thought it would.

Perhaps you could try looking at it from that perspective and come up with something that feels comfortable for you.

I'm sorry things didn't go right for you about your hair. I know I am vain when it comes to my hair and I'd have a huge adjustment to make within myself if it all fell out. It's been trying to do just that for a few months actually - but I think it's slowed down. (hormones and the lack of I think).

Good luck.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

I know, right. I wouldn't usually pay that much but I thought it would be a good investment. If done properly, your hair will stay good for about half a year. To have "normal" hair for that long is like, amazing.

My hair dreads itself if I miss one day of combing. I don't like dreads because they tend to become itchy and smelly. Maybe I don't know how to take care of them and wash them properly.

Ah, and I just noticed that I totally skipped over the conflict part of it, which was the point of the post. Others have put it pretty well. It's possible to be assertive with this without necessarily heading towards all-out conflict. You won't know if he's hustled you unless you talk to him. I'm guessing that most stylists depend largely on reputation, so I'd try to give it the benefit of the doubt that he'll help you out if you explain what happened and refrain from starting by accusing him. Mind your body language as well!

 

[Siamese cat]

I see situations like this as having a potential for developing into conflict, and whether they'll develop into one depends on both parties involved, so if you want to not make it into a conflict do what you should do on your part, nothing more and nothing less.

Being courteous and diplomatic can go a long way.

Also, to be on topic, since this was posted in the typology section. I don't really think that anyone could infer that because INFJs are sensitive to conflict, and experience strong internal manifestations because of it, or whatever, they avoid it. Avoiding a conflict is only one of the potential ways to deal with them if you are sensitive to them. So saying that all INFJs avoid them is wrong, in my opinion.

 

[This]

Whatever you do, don't get angry. People will shut down and refuse you if you get angry, go in and explain the situation as positively as possible and ask him why it's doing this? etc, etc. Try and remain as calm as possible if your emotions go any direction at all it would be better to get sad than pissed off. Being in business myself I know that legitimate mistakes do happen and if I mess up I will eat the cost and redo or fix what I've made an error on free of charge, most other successful companies that don't have monopolies operate in the same way. Just remember if you go in angry you lose all of your negotiating power.

 

[middle1]

Or walk in bawling your eyes out?

But now really, I would be leary of anyone saying "you get what you pay for". Just talk to him cordially and see if he will right his wrong. If he doesn't work with you then you can get outrageous.

 

[Arsal]

INFJs avoid conflict.


"They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress. "


http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

I don't avoid conflict.
Welp, must not be INFJ then.

 

[aerosol]

I avoid the possibility of conflict. Like, I do things to avoid interaction with others in certain situations where I think it could turn into an argument. And it'll be the stupidest stuff. I avoid using small change to pay for my bus ticket, because I worry the bus driver is gonna grunt at me for holding up the line.

But, if there is something going on already (and something I feel strongly about), I will be sure to let the person know. Although I hate it because it's draining.